


Irreplaceable

by Shikkearu



Category: One Piece
Genre: Also Zoro is a baby, Deals with heavy issues, Death, F/M, Feel free to comment, Hurt/Comfort, I am not an expert in these matters, Loss of loved one, Mihawk is Grandpa from fathers side, Perona is his mom, Postnatal depression, Sexual Harassment, Swearing, alchohol misuse, domestic abuse, lot of these characters are depressed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-04-24 06:30:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 67,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14349855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shikkearu/pseuds/Shikkearu
Summary: Peronas husband has died, leaving behind her and Zoro, their small son.Out of options she moves in with Dracule Mihawk, the distant father of her late husband, after he suggests so.Is it possible for them to move forward or has the loss been too much?





	1. Memorial

\- "What future plans do you have?"

He sounded cold and was as stone-faced as ever. He reminded her of a job interviewer, not someone mourning. Why didn't he hurt as much as her, after all he is the father of her late husband.

They were at the memorial for her husband. At that moment she didn't want to even think about the past, now or let alone future. She just wanted to go to sleep and drift of somewhere so far that she wouldn't feel anything. But that was impossible. When ever she tried, it was either her or their one-year-old son, Zoro, crying.

All she could do right now was survive.

\- "I'll have to move out. I won't have enough money to take care of Zoro and pay the bills," she gritted her teeth ever so slightly. It was unfair, she wasn't meant to do this by herself. Zoro wasn't supposed to grow up without knowing his father.

She wished it was her funeral and not his. He was the more capable of them both. He would already have a plan worked out, he wasn't the type to get stuck crying.

\- "Life will be hard on you, I'm sorry."

Was he really? They hardly knew each other. They've only met three times, during the dinner where they announced their engagement, at the wedding and when Zoro was born. The man wasn't that talkative and he never stayed for long, saying he was busy. Official government work. A father who drowned in his work and didn't know how to talk to his son. And still her husband would admire and praise him:

\- "My father is the most responsible and trustworthy person there is. If you ever get into trouble he is the type of a man you can count on!"

If you can get a hold of him that is.

\- "I know we do not know each other well, but if you do not mind, you could come live with me." She was surpriced. He was the last person, whom she thought would offer help.

\- "I have a large house and I am wealthy enough to take care of you and your son. You could stay as long as you want. My son... he would want that."

During that small pause she could see a sliver of change in his expression. Was it regret, sadness or guilt, she didn't know.

\- "I- I will think about it," she choked, "Thank you."

He nodded and stood up. From his pocket he took a card, that had his name and number.

\- "Please, call me. Even if you decline," he sounded slightly desperate. Or maybe she imagined that. It was hard to tell.

\- "Of course. You are Zoros grandfather."

\---

Later when everyone else had gone, she sat in the living room with her adoptive father, Gekko Moria, who was still bawling his eyes out. He had really taken a liking to her husband. They would spend time together and her husband was very good with his hands, so he helped her father whenever he could. Said that it was the least he could do for the man who raised the love of his life.

\- "Moria, Dracule Mihawk offered to take care of me and Zoro until we get back on our feet," she took a deep breath, "I think I will accept."

\- "What!? Him? You know you can stay with me!" Moria was shouting clearly shocked. She had just chosen a stranger over her own father.

\- "That man has not cared for you or Zoro in the slightest," his face turned angry, "I don't think he cared for his son either. Did you see him earlier today? The man has no emotions!" Moria started crying again.

\- "I think there's more to it than we know," she put bluntly, "if he didn't care at all, I don't think he would give such offer."

\- "He just wants to take Zoro from you! Surely whatever business he runs needs an heir!" Moria added with a sarcastic note. He didn't hold Mr. Dracule in such good light as her husband had.

\- "I trust my husbands opinion and he said I can count on his father," she huffed. Sure she had her doubts but this felt like the safest choice for her and Zoro. She knew her father loved her very much and would do anything for them, but he wasn't financially in a state to care for them. Everyday would be a struggle. So it was smart to keep good relations to Mr. Dracule. Something in that emotion she saw earlier, made her certain that she could trust the man.

And maybe, just maybe, he was as hurt as she was.


	2. Late night babble

Mr. Dracule wasn't showing any emotion when they had agreed to have her and little Zoro move there. She didn't know what to think but didn't feel like confronting him about it either. Maybe someday if they got any closer.

The drive from the apartment to his house had been silent. She hadn't taken much, only the necessities. She planned to gather her strength first, then sell what she could, toss what they wouldn't need, before bringing the rest back with them. But right now the wound of her husbands sudden death was too fresh. She didn't want to go through his items.

Mr. Dracule offered to pay the rent for the apartment so she wouldn't run out of time. She declined. She had enough time to work things through and having a deadline was good. She wouldn't be able to put it off for too long.  
And she didn't want to depend too much on his kindness. Or maybe he was atoning for being absent so much. Either way it didn't matter, because she couldn't bring herself to care.

\- "Here we are," mr. Dracule reached his hand towards her, "This is your key. Go open the door while I carry your bags."

It was a large modern house on the good part of the town. The part of town where rich people lived. Her husband had taken her there once in hopes of catching his father. There was only a note on the locked door to his study:

"Don't know when returning.  
Call me if needed. D.M."

Perona opened the door leaving it wide open. With Zoro safely sleeping in his carrier, she toured the house sweetly murmuring to him even if he wasn't listening to his mother.  
\- "This is our home now. Daddy grew up here," she choked, "Here's his bedroom, but we'll be in the guest bedroom. We'll have our own bathroom. And there's plenty of room for you to play."

She went to the kitchen. It was clean and modern. It actually looked freshly renovated. Everywhere was oddly clean and bright. Just one room had been left untouched.

\- "I had a crew of people clean up and renovate the house before you came," mr. Dracule walked into the room holding a bag. "The rest is in your room but this bag has the things meant to be in the kitchen, right?"  
\- "Thank you, mr. Dracule" she said before looking into the bag. The man was richer than she imagined. Or he took loans like crazy. Neither seemed like a good option.

\- "You can call me Mihawk. We're going to be living together so I think it's better to start using first names straight away... I can call you Perona, yes?" he added hesitantly.  
\- "Yes, makes sense. Can't be strangers with a baby in the house," Perona stiffened a bit and felt gross for letting Zoro be cared by someone practically a stranger. She grabbed the milk formula. It had been hard to start breastfeeding and now the extra stress of her husbands passing had completely stopped her lactation. Zoro hated the formula, but he also had a sensitive stomach so options for feeding him were sparse.

Mihawk was leaning by the door and when Perona turned her back to him, he took a step towards Zoros cradle, giving him a closer look. He felt a bit relieved to see the child so calm and healthy compared to his mother. Hopefully such a cruel event wouldn't affect him much. He then went by Perona to observe on how to prepare the formula.

\----

Zoro babbled happily trying to reach for the red evening clouds. He was laying on a blanket Perona had set for him. It was nice and warm and the backyard was lush with plants of all sorts.

\- "Maybe Mr Drac- Mihawk does gardening," she thought, "no, he probably hired a gardener."

Zoro kicked the air ferociously. He let out drool bubbles, which Perona quickly wiped off.  
\- "Don't work too hard," she said to him, earning a few happy squeals.

Peronas face darkened.

How could he be so happy? Babble and play, like his father hadn't just died. Don't babies care about the people around them? Happy as long as they're fed and clean?

Zoro stared at her with his mouth open, eyes focused, his small body perfectly still. She was stunned to see him like that, but before she could say anything, he rolled on his belly starting to crawl towards the door. He stopped a little bit before and ripped grass with his greedy little hands before shoving them into his mouth.

\- "Good thing I don't use pesticide," Mihawk said from the door taking a sip from his wineglass. "Dinner is ready if you feel like eating. We could set the table outside."  
\- "Do you always just casually drink wine?"  
\- "Do you want me to set the table outside?" He was clearly annoyed and Perona took a mental note not to question his drinking habits. She grabbed the blanket and Zoro, picking up the half eaten grass out of his mouth.

\- "I'll help you," she said to Mihawk before walking inside.

\----

\- "Will you be gone a lot?" She asked him while eating the delicious meal. Mihawk seemed to be the same kind of multi-talent as his son was.  
\- "I took a months leave, and after that I will be stationary official for awhile." He looked a bit uneasy and added:  
\- "You won't need to worry. I will be here to help."  
\- "You'll even help me clear the apartment?"  
He nodded.

Perona was relieved. She needed the help and companionship. Clearing the apartment would be hell to do alone. She took a small spoonful of mashed potato and carrot and fed it to Zoro, who would have rather had the spoon for himself. But she was too tired to worry about the mess he would be able to create, if given said spoon. Not to mention that she didn't want to bother Mihawk with it. But Zoro was stubborn. He pursed his mouth, turned his head and tried grabbing the spoon. He wouldn't let her feed him.

\- "Zoro, please," she pleaded but to no avail.

\- "Just let him have the spoon," Mihawk said after watching them struggle for a while. Perona turned to protest, but he cut her short:  
\- "I've dealt with babies before. I'm not scared of a little mess." He made a small effort to seem relaxed, but he was too tense. She looked at him angrily, before realizing what he had said. Suddenly she had teary eyes and she gave the food and spoon to Zoro who giggled victorious. Perona buried her face in her hands. Mihawk didn't know what to say, so in the end they just sat there in the silence. Or as silent as it could be with a small child making a mess of what was his food.

\---- 

The dinner ended quite quickly with both of them loosing their appetite. Zoro made sure that his food was everywhere except in his stomach. Perona took him to their room, leaving Mihawk to clean up the mess. She gave Zoro a quick bath and changed him into his pyjamas. She was very tired. The bags she had brought with them were still waiting to be unpacked, but she didn't have the strength to do so. Instead she laid on the bed with Zoro. She let him play with her hand. Was he always this full of energy? She started to tell him a story about a zombie bear and a princess, hoping her soft tone would lull him to sleep.

Soon it became clear that he was not going to sleep.

Instead he got up, rolled and kicked, clung to her while babbling wildly. And she tried to force him down, make him sleep, stop moving and making so much noise. It only got worse. Soon he was screaming his face red, trying to free himself of her grip.  
And she was done. She lifted him to his crib, where he stood up and continued screaming.

\- "SHUT UP! SHUT UP!!" Perona pulled her hair making the once tight bun became undone. "Why are you being like this today!? Can't you see I'm sad and tired and I'll never see him again and you won't care even if I was dead t-"

\- "Perona!" a demanding voice came from behind her, "Go outside for a walk."

\- "But I need to get Zoro sleeping!"

\- "You need to cool down. You're not doing any good to each other right now." Mihawk moved closer, settling between her and Zoro.

\- "When was the last time you were by yourself?"

She tried remembering and realized that since the accident she had spent every waking hour with Zoro near her, constantly worrying over his well-being, that she forgot to take care of her own. She burst into tears. Mihawk was right, she was no-good to Zoro or herself.

\- "You'll just need a moment to calm down," Mihawk comforted her. "You clearly haven't slept well in a long time. Anyone would struggle." He placed his hands on her shoulders, giving a few comforting rubs before stating:

\- "You've been strong all this time, by yourself. Let me share the burden with you. We'll get over this together."

She felt something lift off of her chest. Her eyes were wide and she nodded.

\- "Good, now go outside and get some fresh air. I'll take care of Zoro for you" He quickly grabbed her key from the nightstand and gave it to her with the first jacket he could find from her bags. Then he led her to the front door and said:

\- "It'll be alright. You can count on me."

Even if his face was stern and worn by the years, he gave off that same warmth her husband would and for a moment she thought it was him standing there, not Mihawk. In a daze she hugged him, pressing her face against his chest. Mihawk was dumbfounded, but carefully he answered her embrace, comfortingly petting her back. She pulled away, dried her tears and looked at him.

\- "Thank you," Perona whispered before walking off.

He looked after her for a moment before going back inside.

\----

When Perona returned, she couldn't find Zoro or Mihawk. She was starting to panic -Moria couldn't be right, could he!?- until she noticed a pale light in the backyard. She looked and sure enough Mihawk was there sitting on a swing, Zoro was tugged inside a blanket, safely in his arms. Mihawk gestured her to sit beside him, stopping the swing for a moment to let her on it.

"I used to do this when," he swallowed, "when he was small. This was the only way to get him to sleep after a tantrum." Zoro smacked his lips in his dreams. The night was silent and warm. Perona let herself relax against the back of the swing taking one of the pillows and hugged it. She closed her eyes and listened to the humming of houses, the seldom passing cars and the muffled shouts of people having fun on a Friday night.

\----

She woke up next morning still on the swing, but covered with a blanket so she wouldn't get cold. The door was open. She could hear Mihawk preparing breakfast and Zoro was talking to him about something. Every once in awhile he would answer to Zoro, as if he understood the babbling of his. And every time Zoro laughed in absolute delight.

Peronas stomach grumbled. By the smell of it Mihawk was making pancakes. She eased out of the swing and made her way to the kitchen. The two greeted her; Mihawk with a nod and Zoro with an excited cry and reaching his hands towards her. She took him into a hug, twirled and let out a genuine laughter.

For the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt that everything would be alright after all.


	3. A sudden visit

Friday had been a bit rocky, but the next morning was a lot better.  
Sure the interaction between her and Mihawk was mostly clumsy and awkward, but Zoro was a good topic to talk about. So they started with that. After a while of talking on how to take care of Zoro and if they should try out a different brand of formula, Mihawk was a lot more relaxed and soon it was actually him leading the conversation. He opened up about his work as a government official, though he told only the basics due to his confidentiality obligation. Perona didn't question him for why he was gone so much. She had realized that it was a touchy subject so she kept her mouth shut.

They would sit in the garden for tea and he told about his gardening hobby, something he had at first started because his ex-wife had insisted. He showed old photos of their summer houses garden. It had been well kept and beautiful. Very different when from when they had their wedding there, due to her husband insisting. Back then it had been wild and there was a lot of ugly dead leaves and branches. She had liked the spooky charm the place had, but husband was set on making it presentable, a work load that took them well over two weeks even with the help of friends. Mihawk didn't spend much time there after his son moved out of home and due to his work needing him travel a lot.

\- "We could go there now. It would be nice to see it again." Perona suggested.

\- "No, it's very out of town and we need to clean up the apartment first," Mihawk declined rather bluntly and Perona gave him a sour look. She didn't want to be reminded of the task.

\- "We can go after," Mihawk added and took a sip of his tea.

\----

Zoro was extremely interested of Mihawks legs and whenever he walked into the same room, Zoro would stop what he was doing, rise up and toddle towards him until he either fell or got a firm hold off him. When Mihawk sat reading the paper, Zoro would cling to his leg and Mihawk started lifting him up and down. Zoros laughter was so loud and Perona wondered if Mihawk could read at all.

They were doing just that on Sunday morning when the doorbell rang. Perona opened the door, while Mihawk seemed indifferent and continued lifting the child.

\- "So this is where you live now," Gekko Moria barged through the house. It was a small wonder how he fit there. When he realized that he was in sons room, he cried a little.

\- "Ooh, I'm so sorry!" he hugged Perona who was holding tears back.  
\- "He was such a fine young man," Moria squeezed her a bit harder, "I miss him dearly!"  
\- "I miss him too," Perona whispered as she too started crying.

After a while they went to the living room, where Mihawk was continuing his activity. Zoro was loving it and didn't notice Morias presence. Mihawk put his leg down and rose up. Zoro frowned and demanded him to continue. Mihawk lifted his hand towards Moria.

\- "Good day, I'm Dracule Mihawk though we have met a couple of times before." Moria ignored his hand and went sitting calling Zoro who happily crawled over to him. Mihawk frowned, which made Perona snicker. He gave her a disapproving look before continuing:  
\- "Would you like something to drink?"  
\- "Sit down," Moria demanded and turned his attention back to Zoro and cooed to him. There was a brief moment of silence before Moria looked at Perona.

\- "How are you? Have you started clearing the apartment yet? Just say if you need help."  
He gave her a pitying look and she felt sick. Why did people have to be like this? Mihawk was the first one in a long time to not look at her in pity.  
\- "I haven't, I need to rest a little bit before starting. It's been straining."  
\- "But of course you shouldn't strain yourself, someone needs to take care of Zoro. Kishishishishi!" His laughter sounded a bit forced.

\- "I help in taking care of Zoro. Perona needs support and time for herself." Mihawk joined in on the conversation. Instantly Moria turned from worrying to hostile.  
\- "You?" Moria didn't even try hiding his anger. This wouldn't end well.  
\- "Out of all the people-"  
\- "Mr Dracule has been most supportive," Perona cut in before Moria could spew his poison. The last thing she wanted right now, was to have her father and father-in-law in a quarrel.

\- "I've been able to sleep and have time for myself. I know I haven't been here for long yet, but I'm starting to feel better," she was genuine in her words. Of course it still hurt a lot, but that hurt wasn't amplified by worry and exhaustion anymore. Two well slept nights did wonders.

Mihawk looked at her and even if his face wouldn't show it, he was relieved to hear, that he was doing something right.

\- "I am certain that you have concerns. I know my relationship with my son wasn't the best these past couple of years, but I can assure you that I did care for him greatly," his face did not even flinch. His calmness was eerie and Moria was little bit sceptical.  
\- "If you'll let me, I will do my best to answer any questions you might have."  
\- "Oh, I have a lot of questions..." Moria was emitting an ominous aura.  
\- "Cake!" Perona shouted drawing all attention to herself, "I'm certain there was a cake in the fridge. Yes and tea! Not in the fridge but we should drink some. Or coffee!"

She rose and scurried to kitchen. Mihawk sighed and excused himself before following her. Moria stayed and started playing with Zoro who was starving for attention.

Perona was busy choosing what tea to boil when Mihawk placed a hand on her shoulder making her flinch.  
\- "You don't need to protect me. I can handle this."  
He went to the fridge to look for the fabled cake, which -he was sure- he hadn't bought. It was not there so he looked at the cupboard for a package of cookies he knew were there.

\- "But it must be hard for you too. He was your son after all..." her voice was a mere whisper, but still he nearly dropped the package, when he heard her say it. He quickly looked at her. She hadn't noticed his slip.

It was hard.

He had years of experience in keeping his calm demeanor, but this sorrow made him struggle. He kept slipping all the time, but he knew that she needed someone grounded right now. The emotional Gekko Moria, though well meaning, wasn't much help. And from the talks with his son, he knew she didn't have a lot -if any- close friends. He took a plate filled with cookies and some smashed mango for Zoro and carried them to the living room. Moria started feeding Zoro with enthusiasm. Mihawk returned to kitchen to get the cups. Perona was leaning on the counter with her arms crossed measuring him up with a stern look:  
\- "You know, sharing the burden goes both ways. I'm here for you too."

Mihawk didn't want to share his with her just yet. He could handle if Moria asked something, he could give him a simple reassurance without truly telling anything. But if she was to ask anything, he knew he'd actually have to tell her something. Revealing himself to her was a scary thought and he wasn't ready to do so. Maybe someday, but right now the most important thing was getting her back on her feet. He nodded to her and returned with the cups.

\----

Mihawk had said he would answer any question Moria had, but anytime Moria started with a question that sounded offensive or might have been related to Mihawks son, Perona would kick him in the shin. Zoro loved this little game because Moria face would get twisted funnily with pain. Mihawk, though he wouldn't admit it, was grateful that he didn't need to answer any too intrusive questions. In the end they talked of the timeline for cleaning the apartment, if Perona had any idea for her future, Mihawks work situation, the days when Moria was free to help out and how they were managing Zoro's care. Moria, though sceptical at first, seemed to warm up for Mihawk and was pleased with their answers.

Moria and Perona hugged. He reassured her that he would be ready to do anything for her and he gave his number to Mihawk, making him vow to inform him when needed. A last teary goodbye to Zoro and Moria was gone.

Mihawk and Perona sighed in reliew. She bursted into laughter:  
\- "Horo horo horo! Thank Lord, I'm not living with him. I would surely still be in that horrible state of mind."  
\- "A courtroom is less stressful than that interrogation," Mihawk agreed with her.  
\- "That's the first time I've heard you make a joke," she pointed out with a laughter.  
\- "Surprised myself," Mihawk smiled a little and caressed Zoros cheek with his finger. The boy yawned and buried his face in the crook of Peronas neck.

\- "I think it's time for Zoros nap, don't you?"


	4. Memories of better times

The morning light was shining softly through the cream white curtains. It was going to be a lazy day. He was laying on the bed with his chest bare, enjoying the small weight on top of him. His little Zoro finally at home. Perona walked into the room wearing only a loosely buttoned white dress shirt. Everything was soft, white and clean.

No rush, just this room and them.

\- "My perfect little wife, come here." He reached out and gave her a beaming smile. She laughed softly. The light hit her hair making it glow golden.  
\- "Good morning," she said before sitting next to the two. He caressed her cheek.  
\- "You're so beautiful. I love you."  
She smiled warmly and turned towards Zoro.  
\- "Horo horo. I'm sorry, but I love only Zoro now." She planted small kisses on Zoros back and head. He curled his tiny fingers in his sleep.

\- "My cheeky ghost girl," he chuckled making his chest shudder. Zoro woke up and started whining. Perona gently picked him up to her chest. Freed of Zoro, he rose up and leaned against her back and looked as she tried to feed their baby.  
\- "Doing well?"  
\- "Not quite, but we're getting better."  
He was proud of her for not giving up. She nearly did at the beginning. Thankfully the nurses back at the hospital knew just the right words.  
He smoothed the small tufts of hair on Zoros head.

\- "My beautiful wife and son. I will love you forever."

\----

Perona woke up with tears on her cheeks. She was curled on his childhood bed, holding his white shirt that had lost his scent a long time ago. She rose up slowly and blinked. It was afternoon already. She saw a note next to her cellphone.

"Grocery shopping with Zoro.  
You looked so peaceful sleeping  
so I didn't wake you up.  
Will be back by four.  
Please call if you need anything."

She neatly folded the shirt putting it back where she got it. She hurried downstairs. There wasn't much time to check if she wanted them to buy something while in store. On the way something caught her eye. The door to study was left open. A temptation too great to resist for a nosy girl like her.

It was clear that this room hadn't been saved from renovation. Hastily packed boxes full of books waiting to be shelved again. Carpet was rolled and leaning against the wall. Wine bottles, some empty, most were full. It was a controlled chaos.  
She went by the desk. It was covered with files and papers from his work.

\- "Tsk! Very careless, mr. Dracule."

Behind a stack of papers were three frames. She took a closer look. There was a small faded photo of young Mihawk holding a tiny baby in his arms. He was dead tired sitting on the swing. Yet he was still somehow beaming with happiness, a stark contrast to the gloomy man he was now. Second photo which was the largest, was of his son holding a massive cabbagehead, though it was hard to tell it's true size when only comparison point was a scrawny ten-year-old boy. Third photo she recognized instantly. It was one of their wedding photos. Her new husband held her by the waist trying to steal a kiss, but she had leaned lower and lower while holding his neck. Just after taking the shot, they had both toppled over. He had buried his face in her breasts and laughed so loudly it hurt her ears. She had called him a pervert and he had responded with a sneer:

\- "Can't wait for the honeymoon, dear!"

She took the photo as tears rolled down her face. He had been so handsome. She wished she could go back in time. Three years before he had asked her to marry him, two years married just the two of them and the last year full of joy with their little boy. Those six years over and over in an endless loop.

A car drove to the yard. Mihawk and Zoro were back. Hastily she put down the photo and ran out the room, leaving the door the way it had been before. She was by the front door cheerfully welcoming them back.

\- "Have you been crying?"  
Damn, he was sharp.  
\- "Little bit, but it was during my sleep. I just woke up."  
\- "What did you dream of?" Mihawk raised one brow. He could tell that she was lying.  
\- "I can't quite remember. It had him in it, I think." Cue for Mihawk to stop questioning. "How's my little man? Did you enjoy your little trip?" She took Zoro from him.  
Zoro started babbling. The way he was doing it indicated that he would say his first word soon. An idea that made her happy and sad at the same time.

\- "Oh? Is that so? Tell me more."

\----

He looked at the door to his study. Open. He never left it open. Though it now made sense that she had lied. He looked around to see if she had touched something. Everything seemed the same. He looked at the frames. The wedding photo was clearly visible. He quickly hid it away so that only the top of the frame showed. He couldn't bear to look at them nor put away.

In the kitchen Perona was preparing food. It was spaghetti and meatballs. As simple as it could get. Still something smelled burnt.

\- "I'm better at making sweets" she lamented.  
\- "I noticed the door to my study was open."  
She stiffened as if a chill had gone through her. Clearly she had been there.  
He didn't really mind it, but he wanted her honesty.  
\- "Have you been to the study?"  
A long silence fell. She was getting nervous.  
\- "Umm..."  
He went a bit closer and crossed his arms. This was getting entertaining.  
\- "A photo had been moved. "  
She opened her mouth as to say something, but instead stirred the sauce a bit faster.  
\- "I was hoping it was you and not burglars."  
\- "Uh! I-"  
\- "Yes? I really wouldn't want to upgrade the security."  
\- "I want to go to the apartment tomorrow."

He was shocked. Playtime was over.

\- "I think it's time, don't you?"

He nodded in agreement.

It was.

\----

They hadn't taken much with them yet. Just Zoros travel bag and paper to make notes. They weren't going to stay there for long. Just enough time to list what furniture was going to be sold, photo those and to figure out what they needed for packing.

On the yard Zoro became alert. At every noise he would quickly turn and look.  
\- "Are you scared, Zoro?" Perona asked him.  
No answer. She petted his back and he relaxed a bit.

At the door she hesitated.  
\- "I can open it for you," Mihawk said.  
\- "Thank you." She was so thankful that he was there.

It was cold and dark inside. Perona was filled with sadness. She set Zoro down, but before she could take off his shoes he dashed off. He ran and crawled excited from one room to the next. At every door he cried out:

\- "Dada!"

Perona and Mihawk watched in horror as desperation started to settle in Zoro's face. One final time he cried out for his father before looking at his mother with pleading eyes. Perona couldn't take it. She fell on her knees sobbing uncontrollably. Mihawk didn't know who to comfort first. The moments devastation was too much even for him. Finally Perona forced herself to crawl to Zoro and hold him as they both cried.

\- "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She kept repeating with a broken voice.

Mihawk was pale as a sheet and loathed himself for being so helpless. He gathered his strength and with shaky hands he helped Perona up. They were soon back in the car. Mihawk made sure Zoro was well in his seat. Still crying, but safe. Perona had stopped crying and was rubbing Zoros belly while whispering something soothing. But when Mihawk looked at her face, her eyes were empty and devoid of emotion.

He sighed and opened his phone.

\----

It was dark when they got to their destination. Zoro had cried himself to sleep and Perona was looking out the window, still numb. They got out of the car and a familiar figure was waiting for them.

Peronas eyes widened and she cried out:

\- "Dad!" before dashing to Moria who took her into a warm embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any chapter with memories of hubby are instantly my faves.  
> I think:  
> What a swell guy. So nice. So precious. I wanna know more about him. I want him to be happy... Too bad I killed him.
> 
> Also I nearly cried writing the Zoro part. It- it's hard for him too *snif*


	5. Clearing out the apartment

Zoro was not fine.

He was more silent and got spooked more easily. If Perona went away even for a tiny moment he would start crying. They, Mihawk included, stayed by Morias for a couple of days. He was more than happy to have them there and even started to bond with Mihawk.

\- "What are you two reading?" Perona came into the room while rocking Zoro to sleep. Mihawk and Moria were sitting on the sofa looking rather smug.  
\- "Wait! That's the photo album! Moria, don't!" But it was already too late.  
\- "You were really cute dressed up as a bear," Mihawk was smirking. Moria was showing the most adorable five-year-old Perona dressed up as a bear.  
\- "She wanted to grow up as one. It was a way of life for her. When I told her she couldn't be a princess and a bear, well..." He pointed to the next picture of her now wearing a crown and a tutu over the bear outfit. Mihawks smirk widened as he looked at the picture and then at Perona.  
\- "You know it's not too late for that yet," Mihawk said and he had the most nastiest look on his face. "I bet we could find a suit your size."

They both laughed grossly.

\- "And an astronaut suit,"Moria added, "as she wanted to be the princess bear of all bear astronauts the next week." And of course there was a photo to show along.

\- "You two are the worst!" Perona grunted. "Come, Zoro. Let's go find a more peaceful place."

\----

\- "Zoros gotten a bit better now."  
Moria was holding Zoro who was a bit spooked but not crying.  
\- "Oh, that is good," Perona shouted from the next room. They were teaching Zoro back to his normal self. It wouldn't take long.  
Mihawk sat in front of her and let out a small sigh before saying:  
\- "Lets leave Zoro here with Moria."  
Perona looked at him angry.  
\- "Only for the weekend," he added, "We really need to start the work on the apartment and we can't have Zoro go to another episode like that."

She nodded. She didn't want to upset Zoro and she was ready to deal with the apartment.

\----

They went by Mihawks house. A week had been wasted at Morias and it was time to start working. At the apartment Perona pointed out which furniture to keep, sell and trash. Mihawk started taking photos and making ads at online selling pages. Perona went through their old clothes. She could smell her husband everywhere. But still she went through everything, though a bit teary most of the time. By the end of the day she had filled several bags worth of clothes to take for charity. She only kept the newest and most dearest pieces she had. She could buy new some day. She also kept a couple of her husbands clothes. It was funny but she didn't have any favourite clothes of his. His style was very dull in the end. Mihawk had already got a couple of messages concerning the double bed and closet. Thankfully the city was big, so it had a lot of people interested in cheap furniture.

They decided to sleep in the apartment, Perona on the bed and Mihawk on the sofa. They woke up quite early in the morning. Mihawk went to get some breakfast for them, while Perona sorted out the mail that had come there before the address change. Bills, adds and a letter to her husband. It didn't have an address on it, but she knew who had sent it.

\----

He looked at the letter grossed out, before tearing it to shreds.  
\- "Who is it from?"  
\- "My 'mother'" he said disgusted.  
\- "But didn't she leave early on?" Perona was baffled.  
\- "Well it's not my mother actually," he laughed a tiny bit. "It's my father faking to be my mother. Such a cliché, I know."  
\- "But why?"  
\- "When my mother left I was about six. I was at the day-care and mothers day was close. We had to make cards to our mothers. I did one like a good boy, but when father came to take me home, I stomped on it and cried that I hated mom. He calmly took the card from me and said he would send it to mother for me. And I had been happy. Maybe getting a card from me telling how much I loved her would get her to come back." He looked angry and Perona petted his cheek looking worried.  
\- "You don't need to tell me."  
\- "I want to." He took her hand before pressing his face against it, closing his eyes.  
\- "I got a letter from her. She explained that it had been her job as a model that made her go. That she was sad that she had left. She promised to write me whenever she could. I had been really happy and told my father about it. He was acting surprised."

They were now laying on the sofa, his head against her chest. She caressed his hair.

\- "There was never any address to send a letter back to. Said she didn't have a permanent residence and that father would tell her what she needed to know. By twelve I had figured out it was father writing me. I confronted him once about it, but he insisted it was my mother writing those generic letters."   
He sighed.  
\- "I haven't read any of them in years now and they don't come in so often. Last one was hmm... half a year ago. But I humour my father by telling him how glad I am to get letters from my mother. Hey, Perona..." He turned to look her in the eyes.  
\- "Hmm?"  
\- "Promise me that when we get kids, we'll never abandon or lie to them like that. Even if we split."  
\- "Horo horo. What makes you think we'll get kids? You fool! I might leave you tomorrow." She showed him tongue.  
He grinned. It was the day before he proposed to her.

\----

\- "Does this look familiar to you?"

Mihawk looked at the letter she was holding inches from his face. He grabbed it and after taking a good look he gave it back to Perona.  
\- "I don't know who sent it."  
\- "You did!"  
\- "I have never sent my son letters. We used emails and text messages." He frowned. "Open it."  
\- "Didn't you fake that his mother was sending him letters?" She pouted.  
\- "Do I really look like the type of person to do that. Open it and see for yourself."  
Mihawk was right, of course he didn't look like the type at all. Perona opened the letter and read it. It wasn't meant for her husband. It was for her.

"Good spouse of my son.

I have tried to reach him for years and I fear he stopped reading my letters a long time ago. So i wish this final letter will reach you instead.  
I have learned from my ex-husband of his passing and I regret that I haven't been able to get acquainted with you. I am a very busy person and my personal life has suffered because of it.  
I know that I have a grandchild and I wish to see them at least once. My ex-husband has failed to relay any pictures to me. He says he needs our sons' permission and since he is now gone I ask it from you. If you could give him a permission to send me some I would ever be so grateful.

The mother of your husband"

\- "What the hell is this letter? It barely gives any information on her and all she does is ask for pictures. What kind of a mother is she?" Perona already knew the answer to that.  
\- "She had her reasons," Mihawk said quietly. Perona looked at him. She had thought he was a bad father, but -oh- how wrong had she been. Maybe the mother as well wasn't such a bad person.  
\- "What does she do for living then?"  
\- "She works on the fashion industry. Maybe you've heard of her..."

Peronas eyes widened as he said the name.  
\- "But she seems so young. I can't believe it."  
\- "Believe it or not."  
\- "The mothers day cards?"  
\- "I sent them to make her feel bad. She just never felt bad enough to meet up with him. I did try, but she wouldn't do it." Anger flashed briefly in his eyes, but most of all Mihawk looked worn down. Clearly talking of his ex wasn't something he liked to do.   
Perona thought for a moment and then finally said:  
\- "Can you try arranging a meeting for us? If she wants a photo, she can take one by herself."  
\- "I will try," he sounded defeated.

\----

They were going through some old papers trying to figure out which ones were important and which were not. It was very boring to do, so she took the photo album her husband had carefully assembled for them. On the cover with big letters read "Our Romance". He had been into tacky stuff like that. Mihawk chuckled and started going through it with her, while she explained where each photo had been taken.

\- "What happened in this one?" Mihawk pointed to a picture of Perona laughing, holding out a hot dog. Text under read: "The moment I fell in love"  
\- "On our second date. Right after a seagull had taken his hotdog. He was sulking so I offered mine to him. He was so taken back that he told me to stop and let him take a picture. The moment felt really stupid at the time."  
\- "I can imagine. He was really into photography. He wanted me to take photos of him doing silly things. Like the one of him holding a large cappagehead he had grown."  
\- "Yeah, that's a good on- Damn!"  
\- "Got you." Mihawk looked at her smugly.  
\- "Yeah, you did. Don't let it get into your head." She smiled and punched his shoulder. Mihawk looked back at her with a gentle smile. She blushed and took out her phone.  
\- "Let's take a photo together!" She held her hand out and at the moment both stuck their tongues out. Perona laughed at the photo. Mihawk looked ridiculous. It was good.  
\- "Thanks for helping me. I wouldn't be able to do this on my own." She rested her head against his shoulder. She felt safe with him around.  
\- "Not a problem. I wish I could have been more with you, back when he was still alive."

They continued sorting the papers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One does not simply write about dads without putting in a joke of them being dads. (Wut?)
> 
> Eh, I draw too. I have a blog dedicated for MihoPero.  
> shikkearu.tumblr.com  
> Shameless self promotion is good promotion.


	6. Moonlight and a parking lot

\- "Let's go grab something on our way. I don't want to wake the whole household by microwaving left-overs." Mihawk huffed.

The microwave didn't make that much noise, but it was known that Mihawk detested Morias cooking. He didn't seem to like anyones cookings other than his own. After the first dinner, he had volunteered to do it during their stay. Tonight Moria had cooked something since they were running late.  
Mihawk and Perona had gotten halfway through the papers when they noticed it was dark. Way past the time they were supposed to leave.

\- "Ok, sounds good to me." She was starving. "I know this great place near by. They make amazing home-made-food. And the price isn't bad either. I used to go there a lot before I met your son."  
\- "That was -what- five years ago. Are you sure it's still there?" Mihawk was sceptical. A restaurant with prices that a minimum wager thought was good. It couldn't possibly still be standing.  
\- "Hah! We're in luck. It's open till eleven."

\----

He didn't feel lucky at all. The restaurant was Makinos, a-well-known hanging out place of a certain red haired man. He wished he wouldn't be there that night. When they opened the door they were blasted with the sound of loud music and the smell of alcohol. He turned on his heels, but Perona dragged him in.

\- "It's just like I remembered," she shouted and looked radiant.  
He would do his best. He crooked his hat so people wouldn't see his face. But nonetheless he was bounced by the cheery drunkard.  
\- "Valiant effort my friend, but you cannot hide from me. Especially when you're with a beauty like her." Shanks leaned over to Perona dragging Mihawk with him. "Hello! I am Shanks the best friend of this guy."  
\- "Nice to meet you, my name is Perona." The old man has friends. Cute.  
\- "Very nice indeed. If you guys are shagging, I suggest you leave it at that. This guy makes an awful husband." Shanks sneered.

\- "Stop!" Mihawk shook himself free. "She is the widow of my son!"

Silence. The whole restaurant had heard him. Perona looked like she was going to cry.

\- "We just came here to eat." Mihawk sighed.  
\- "I'm sorry... Let me offer it to you."

\----

\- "Oh, so you two have been living together for three weeks now." He looked at the two. It was clear that he was bothering them. But that had never stopped him before.  
\- "Yes, she'll stay with me until she has her future planned. Least I could do."  
\- "Like I did when bratty bitch decided her career was worth more." Shanks laughed.  
\- "Please, don't call her that."  
\- "What happened?" Perona was interested to hear.  
\- "When his son was just a wee baby, his ex decided that it would be just Mihawks work to care for him. I did my best to help out, when she was modeling around the country. Even lived in his house!" Shanks laughed.  
Mihawk looked at him murderously.  
\- "She came once in awhile, had a nice laugh with the baby and left the dirty work to us."

Perona looked at Mihawk who was starting to look like he might explode. Yet he still had his general calm expression. She was getting better at reading the nuances of it.

\- "Hey, Shanks, what do you do for living?" she changed the subject.  
\- "I'm a photographer. Not your basic wedding photographer, though." He smirked. "I take photos and film extreme locations, wars, accidents that sort of stuff."  
\- "Wow, that's cool."  
\- "I know!" he had his nose up and pointed to his chest. "I actually taught Mihawk how to take photos."  
\- "Really?"  
\- "We were in the same photography club in high school. He had to take it 'cos he failed arts."  
\- "How can you fail arts?"  
\- "By never being in the class. I hated drawing." Mihawk chuckled  
Perona near choked to her food.  
\- "Whaa-t? I loved arts."  
\- "I like the finer arts of music and sword play." He took a sip of water. He had lessened the amount of wine he consumed since Zoro and Perona had moved in. Though if anyone asked, he would say he was driving.

\- "You two seem to have been a good influence on each other." Shanks smiled leaning into his hand.  
\- "What makes you think so?" Perona asked.  
\- "Hawky here was a mess two months back. You know when..."  
\- "We're not talking of that," Mihawk said with a deep threatening voice.  
\- "Ah! Ok- ok! My mouth is sealed," He made a motion of zipper closing over his mouth. "Sorry," he whispered to Perona.

She wished they had talked of it. What had Mihawk been like? What drove him to offer her his help? She really wanted to know.

\----

Moria called worried. It was only half an hour till midnight and they still had over half of the drive to go. Perona told Moria that they had gone out to eat. She gave him Mihawks reasoning, but even Moria knew his food wasn't as good as Mihawks. It was still ok to eat, so he was a little bit hurt.

They sat in silence. Perona tried mustering courage to ask Mihawk why he had offered to help her. She had wanted to ask back when they moved in with him, but had left it as is. She felt that now she could ask him more personal questions and not be thrown out. But it would still be a very scary thing to do.

Mihawk waited patiently. He was not going to say a word before she did. Not because he was scared, but he didn't know what she wanted him to tell her. She was better now, but he didn't feel that she was quite over it yet and didn't want to worry her with his emotions. Time and rest healed all wounds. But it would take longer if someone kept throwing salt at said wounds.

\- "Hey, Mihawk... uh nevermind."

He wished she could just spit it out and be done with it. He was tensing up.

\- "Just tell me what to tell you, already."

Perona was flabbergasted. Mihawk swore under his breath. He had said it out loud. He pulled into the parking lot of a gas station. He turned to look at her. They were going to have an heart to heart conversation now.

But Perona just stared at him, so he continued:  
\- "It's just us here. So it's okay-"  
\- "I'm not going to sleep with you!" Perona said before he could finish.  
\- "What?"  
\- "Not going to uh- have sex with you." she blushed.  
Mihawk was shocked.  
\- "No no no. I was going to say: it's okay to talk now. What even made you think such a thing?" He shook his head.

Peronas blush deepened and she looked away.  
\- "I had my first time on a parking lot like this. With your son..."  
Now Mihawk too was blushing.  
\- "I did not need to know that!"  
\- "You asked!"  
\- "It was a rhetorical question! I didn't want you to answer!"

A moment of silence before Mihawk started laughing loudly.

\- "My son really lacked tact, didn't he? A parking lot?" he covered his eyes with his hand.  
\- "In his defense, we we're drunk and the moonlight was beautiful!" Perona huffed.  
\- "And you couldn't wait till bed. Wahhahha! Been there done that." He was wiping tears now. "But to take a girls first time on a backseat of a car. Kukukuku."  
\- "He was a virgin too! Stupid old man!"  
\- "Still he should have asked me or anyone for advice. That's not how you win a girl over."  
\- "I did marry him, didn't I!" Perona crossed her arms.  
Mihawk laughed even harder.

\----

Perona was too embarrassed to talk, so they drove to Morias. Mihawk was in a good mood and put the radio on. A rerun of an interview was coming:  
\- "Talking about personal life our information says you were married but are now divorced. Is that right? "  
\- "Yes, that was a dark time for me. I was extremely depressed. You see my husband-"  
Mihawk changed the channel. A soothing piano started to play. He hummed to the melody, but it was clear his good mood was gone. Perona would have liked to hear the whole interview, but she was getting too tired to protest.

\----

\- "Hey, the car ride is over." He shook her by the shoulder. "Time to wake up."  
\- "Noo~!" she moaned and tied her arms around his neck. "Carry me."  
\- "I don't think I'm strong enough."  
\- "Are you calling me fat?"  
He sighed.  
\- "Then use those manly muscles of yours," she murmured and buried her face into his neck smelling his aftershave.  
\- "You smell different. Have you changed brand?"  
\- "I haven't."  
\- "Why is it so different then? Did the manufacturer change it?"  
\- "I don't think so." He grunted a bit when lifting her up. "They've only changed it twice during the twenty years I've used it."  
\- "Twenty? Darling, you've barely been alive that long." She chuckled.  
\- "Perona... I'm not your husband."

She was fast asleep and didn't hear him. She had a dumb smile on her face. Mihawk settled her on her bed and checked up on Zoro, fast asleep on a make-shift crib. If only Moria let him get something better for him, but he insisted that it would be a waste of money since Zoro spend so little time there.  
Zoro hadn't missed Perona much when they were gone. When he had, just hearing her voice on the phone had been enough to calm him down. Mihawk petted Zoro's head. The green color was wonderfully bizarre and Mihawk preferred it that way. It stopped him from thinking how much Zoro was like his son.

That first night when he had sat on the swing rocking Zoro to sleep, he had cried. It had been the first time in years. Even when he had found out about the accident, he had not shed a tear. But when he held Zoro and the boy fell asleep near instantly, he couldn't help but be filled with memories of the nights with his son crying on his arms, missing his mother. And those memories hurt him very much.  
There were other moments Zoro had acted like his son, but the stark green color kept him from making the connection. Something he was thankful of.

\----

\- "Bab-ba!" Zoro looked at Mihawk. It was breakfast time.  
\- "No, Zoro. I'm Pappa," Moria pleaded while feeding him mushed carrot and potato.  
\- "Yes, I would rather be called grandfather." Mihawk added while reading the newspaper.  
\- "Bab-ba!" Zoro cheered when he heard him talk.  
Moria and Mihawk both sighed.

\- "What's with the weird call me father, thing? Your son did it and now you want Zoro to do it." Perona huffed while slowly burning her omelet.  
\- "I like it better that way." Mihawk looked at the smoke rising from her pan."Do you want me to do your omelet?" he offered.  
\- "I like it better that way," she said mockingly. "Like it or not you're Pappa now."  
\- "Babba!" Zoro shouted.  
\- "That's right, Zoro. Mihawk is your Pappa."  
\- "Eat your burnt egg then," Mihawk snarled.  
Perona threw the well burnt omelet on a plate and placed it before Mihawk.  
\- "No, you eat it!"  
Mihawk scrunched his nose and pushed the plate away.  
\- "It's me Zoro. I'm Pappa-Moria." Moria cried. Zoro looked at him raising his brow. He would have looked very thoughtful if not for the drool coming from his mouth.  
\- "Mihawk, don't waste food." Perona scolded him.  
\- "It's disgusting. Moria would do better." He said as he threw the omelette away.  
\- "Oh thanks Mihawk," Moria was cheered up by the compliment.  
\- "I'll make you another then," Perona huffed.  
\- "Can I atleast give you some pointers?" Mihawk sighed.  
\- "You can't!"  
\- "Children, please. You're ruining this beautiful morning with your bickering."  
\- "Don't you have work to go to?"  
\- "Oh, you're right!"

Moria petted Zoros forehead before giving him the spoon.

\- "We'll see next weekend, yes?"  
\- "Yeah. Have fun at work!" Perona waved.  
Moria petted her head too before leaving the room.

Suddenly Mihawk pressed against her with his side moving Perona away from the stove. Deftly he stole the pan from her.  
\- "Rude!"  
\- "I'll do the omelettes. You watch and learn."  
\- "Will not!"  
She tried grasping the pan back from him only to be pinned against the counter.  
\- "Didn't your father teach you not to fool around the stove? " he scoffed at her.  
\- "Look who's talking! Now let go of me." She tried wriggling free, but to no avail. What she did free was a couple of eggs that fell on the floor. They both looked at the mess.  
\- "Your fault," she faced Mihawk with the tip of her nose touching his. Mihawk, surpriced by the contact, leaped off of her hitting the table behind him. All the glasses and mugs toppled over and what content they had was all over the table. At the same time Perona moved her head backwards hitting the cupboard behind her. She howled with pain and held her head. The sudden chaos spooked Zoro and he started to cry. Mihawk tried to go comfort him, but slipped on the broken eggs. With a loud thud he hit his knee against the floor and let out a bunch of obscene swear words.

Moria appeared by the door:  
\- "Everything okay!? There was a lou-" He stopped midsentence, horrified.  
Zoro still crying, reached out to Moria and said:  
\- "Poopoo!"

\----

\- "It's just an old injury acting up. Little bit of pain killers and I'll be fine."

Mihawk was holding an icebag on his knee. Curled against his leg was Perona who looked at him sorry and hugged his leg.  
\- "That definetily isn't helping."  
\- "Because of you two, I am late for work." Moria walked in holding Zoro. "Have you cleaned the kitchen yet?"  
They shook their heads.  
\- "Just do it before you go. If you do go." Moria mumbled and set Zoro at their feet. Zoro quickly got up and hugged Mihawks leg.  
\- "Babba," he bounced up and down.  
Mihawk looked at him in agony.  
\- "Not now."  
Zoro puffed his cheeks. Something he picked up from his mother.

\- "Clean up and lock the door," Moria reminded before leaving in a hurry.  
\- "Poopoo," Zoro let out an adoring sigh as he looked Moria go.  
\- "Oh no," Mihawk muttered and pinched his nose.  
\- "It's kind of clever though. Pappa-Moria to Poopoo."  
\- "We need to teach him out of that," Mihawk replied, "Go clean the kitchen now, please."  
\- "You too," Perona pouted.  
Mihawk pointed at his knee with a pained expression. Perona slapped it before rising up.  
\- "Faker."


	7. Strength

\- "This is it! Our new home."

Perona ran from room to room ecstatic. It was a beautiful just renovated apartment. It had two bedrooms, bathroom and large open space meant as living room, kitchen and dining room. The walls were white and the evening light hit the windows at a perfect angle. She loved it. There had to be something wrong with it to be in their price range. Maybe somebody had been murdered there which wouldn't have made it any less appealing to her.

\- "You say that of every flat," he had a disbelieving smile.  
\- "This time I mean it," she clung to his neck and gave him a small kiss.  
They looked each other in the eyes for a small moment.  
\- "I guess you really do," he smiled before giving her a kiss back.

\----

The apartment looked weird empty. It had took Perona and Mihawk two more weekends to complete the clearing. Mihawk had started going to work again, but he didn't work long days. He kept his work phone with him now and got calls at any point of the day. Even during the night.  
Perona looked around. The emptiness felt spooky, but not in a good way. She sat in the middle of the living room, hugged her knees and started crying. Mihawk came from outside. He had taken the last box into the car. He heard Peronas sobbing and pulled a tissue from his pocket. He had started carrying some at all times for Zoro and Perona. He offered her one and she blew her nose before hiding her face again.

\- "It hurts."

Mihawk silently waited for her to continue.

\- "I feel like I'm erasing him."

Mihawk looked out of the window. The leaves were starting to change color. August had come faster than he thought.

\- "You're not."  
\- "I know... It just feels like it."

He knew that feeling very well. He gave her another tissue.

\- "I'm starting to forget how he looks. His face isn't as clear in my memory as I want."  
\- "We've got photos."  
\- "You know it's not the same."

They were silent for a moment. Perona sobbed for a while before she rose up and wiped her face.

\- "I don't want to forget him," she whimpered.  
\- "He wasn't a person one could forget. He was irreplaceable." Mihawk said with a serious look on his face.  
\- "Horo, guess you're right." She reached out and petted his cheek. "You look like him sometimes."

Mihawk pulled away.

\- "I've always felt he was more like his mother than me. Looks and personality wise."  
\- "We'll I think he got more from you than you think." She kicked his leg teasingly and laughed. "You, Zoro and him are irreplaceable to me and don't you forget that, Dracule Mihawk!"

Mihawk had an annoyed look on his face and ruffled Peronas hair. She squinted her eyes and tried to make him stop.

\- "Youre an important part of our lives as well, Perona."

Mihawk smiled warmly at her and she looked at him with tears starting to roll out of her eyes again. She took his hand and pulled him to the door. She opened it, pushed him outside with herself and turned to shout:

\- "GOODBYE CRUMMY APARTMENT! I'll have all the beautiful memories with me and won't miss you one bit!"

She slammed the door shut and laughed while still crying. Mihawk looked at her stunned his mouth slightly open. With a shaky hand he pulled another tissue from his pocket and offered it to her.  
\- "These are happy tears, stupid!" she grinned. "I'm so happy I still got you and Zoro!"  
She gave him a strong hug. He really didn't know what to think. She pulled away before he could answer the hug. She looked a little bit embarrassed before she smiled broadly again.

\- "C'mon let's get Zoro and go home."

\----

Their house was crammed with the items brought from the apartment. At some point she would go through them again and toss the things she wouldn't need. But she was in no rush. Right now she wanted to enjoy this weird little family she, Mihawk and Zoro had.

\- "Zoro I can understand, but you..." Mihawk was annoyed. His reading had been interrupted when Zoro and Perona had clung to his feet.  
\- "When Zoro does it, it's adorable, but when I do it, it's annoying," Perona puffed her cheeks and continued with a pout, "Don't you think I'm cute too?"

Mihawk squinted his eyes with a frown.

\- "Were you always this clingy?"

Perona backed off, crossing her arms and looked away angrily.

\- "I'm clingy when I'm happy."

Mihawk raised his brow a bit. It was true she had been slightly happier these couple of days after they cleared the apartment. She had baked a cake to celebrate it. She would happily play around with Zoro, let her hair hang loose and complained laughing when he pulled it. She let Mihawk try teach her cooking and had improved a little. And when Zoro was sleeping she tried pranking Mihawk or had long conversations about the news with him.

She rose and took Zoro in her arms.  
\- "Let's go out for a walk," She kissed his cheek.  
Mihawk continued his reading. Perona stood there and looked at him.  
\- "That meant you too, stupid."  
He sighed and put the magazine aside.

\----

It was a beautiful warm day so taking a walk was a good idea. With Zoro tugged in his stroller they set out. They were walking towards an old market place. For every summer day there was festivities and little stalls selling all sorts of foods. It was a very popular place in the city even if it wasn't near center.

\- "This summer has been a haze," Perona looked thoughtful.

Mihawk was ready to pull out a tissue.

\- "But there's still hot August days left. Can we do something fun?"  
\- "Fun as in?" Mihawk was surprised.  
\- "Lets go to the beach. There was an ocean near your summer house, right?"  
\- "Well yes..."  
\- "Can we go there? Just for a day?" her face lit up.

Mihawk looked away for a bit and rubbed his beard. He was just about to answer, but Perona loudly gasped staring at something. He looked at the same direction, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. Just a busy road.

\- "I didn't remember it was so close by..." her eyes were wide. "I want to go back now, ok." She turned the stroller back and started walking in fast pace. Mihawk quickly followed suit.

\- "What is close by?" He had a hunch, but he wanted to be certain.

Perona didn't answer and kept walking.

\- "Perona?"

She was almost running and didn't look where she was going. Mihawk had enough. He caught up to her and made her stop.

\- "Let me have the stroller."

Perona looked down at her feet and nodded. Mihawk didn't bother digging into it. He knew that there was only one place close by that could get her so upset.

\----

They walked a different route home and stayed at a playground for a moment. Mihawk tried teaching Zoro the ancient chant for a good cake, but he was more interested in kicking them down. Perona wasn't much help because she kept making more for Zoro to kick.

\- "Do you mind?" He looked at her disappointed.  
\- "He only knows a couple of words. You're confusing him."

Mihawks frown deepened and he stood up. He walked to a nearby swing and started swinging.

\- "Horo horo! Whatever are you doing?"  
\- "I'll be by myself since you can't play nice."

Mihawk had an exaggerated pout on his face. Perona couldn't help but laugh. Zoro stopped his trashing and looked at why his mother was laughing as much. When he saw Mihawk, he too bursted into laughter.

\- "Oi! It can't be that funny," Mihawk had a light smirk.  
\- "But it is," Perona ran up to him and started to give him more speed. Zoro looked amazed at how high Mihawk was going.

\- "Jump!"  
\- "I won't!"  
\- "Jump!"  
\- "I'll die!"  
\- "Just do it!"

And Mihawk jumped doing a roll when landing. His hat got knocked off and he ended up laying on his back. Zoro ran up to him laughing and fell against his chest giving him a huge hug. Mihawk tied his arm around him, squeezing him tight. Perona picked up the fallen hat and went by them.

\- "So you didn't die," she looked down at him.  
\- "But I'll be sore for weeks," Mihawk closed his eyes. Zoro tried getting out of his grip, but soon decided it was useless to try.  
\- "Now's not the nap time," Perona sat beside them and put his hat on her head.  
Mihawk opened his eyes slightly and took his hat back, placing it over his eyes. Zoro let out a content sigh.

Perona looked over the two. It was starting to get dark. The park was empty and a cold chill ran through, though it didn't seem to bother Mihawk nor Zoro. Perona shivered. Mihawk felt it and for a moment he forgot his need for distance, pulling Perona down close to his chest.

\- "What are you doing?" She protested lightly and adjusted her position.  
\- "It's nap time," he stated bluntly.

The wind didn't bother as much so close to ground and Mihawk felt extremely warm against her side. She looked up to the passing clouds coloured orange and pink by the sundown. It was nice.

\- "What were we nearby?" Mihawk asked.

Perona was silent for a moment before letting out a sigh.

\- "The place of the accident. It feels weird to go there."  
\- "Hmm?"  
\- "Because it doesn't feel like anything has happened there. When I went there after the accident the only thing that gave a clue of it happening was a couple of candles and flowers. And now it's been so long there's probably nothing."  
\- "Just a regular street... It's scary to realize how quickly something like that gets washed away from general memory." Mihawk sighed resigned. "Feels wrong."  
\- "Everyone else gets to forget and we have to continue living with it." Perona hugged Zoro and Mihawk.

\- "I miss him so much." A tear rolled down her cheek as she said it.  
\- "I miss him too." Mihawk put his hand on her back.

\----

When the last orange hues had disappeared from the sky, Mihawk lifted his hat a little and said:  
\- "It's getting dark. Lets head back."  
Perona didn't answer so he shook her. She got up and looked startled at Mihawk.  
\- "Who said it wasn't nap time?" he scoffed.  
Perona blushed and gently picked up sleeping Zoro.  
\- "I'm still worn out from clearing the apartment."  
Mihawk sat up and gave her a mocking laughter.  
\- "Whatever you say."

Perona took his hat and threw it like a frisbee. Mihawk glared at her angrily.  
\- "That's what you get for being an idiot."

\---

The man swore while looking around.  
He had turned for a moment and his child had wondered off by himself.

He saw him by the edge off a busy road. The man ran quickly.  
He grabbed him by the shoulder and the four-year-old looked at him confused.  
\- "Where are you waddling?" His father asked him.

He pointed over the road at the pet store. He wanted to go see the animals. The man kneeled and pointed towards a pedestrian crossing.

\- "You're supposed to cross over there. It's dangerous otherwise."  
\- "But animals!" He bounced a bit anxious.  
\- "Can wait. It doesn't take long to go over at the right place." He paused a bit and looked at him stern. "And never without Father or Mother. Okay?"

Once the boy nodded back at him, he took him by the hand. They walked over to the crossing. He made him stop and the boy looked at him confused again. He really wanted to see the animals.

\- "First we look for cars. Right, left, right and left." As he spoke he turned his head in accordanse. "See any cars?"  
\- "One." He pointed at a car coming from the left.

"Perfect." His father thought.

\- "When a car is coming we wait for them. If the car stops we can go over. Not every driver stops so it's important to wait."  
\- "Okay."  
The car drove to them and stopped to let them cross.

\- "Now we can go. Remember to stay vigilant when moving in traffic."

The boy nodded and kept turning his head. The father looked at him thinking about how adorable he is. When they were in front of the pet store, a familiar voice shouted after them. They turned to look and a woman ran over the street at the same spot where his son had tried to go over earlier. She looked annoyed when she finally got to them.

\- "Don't disappear like that on me. It's annoying... What?"

Both father and son looked at her disapointed. The boy pointed at the crossing.

\- "Bad Mother. You go over, there."  
\- "Yes, yes. Of course. Mother is silly and keeps forgetting. You're not mad, are you?" She put a finger over her mouth and looked at them elegantly. The boy blushed. His mother is so beautiful. But the father looked at her angrily. And the two stared at each other. She wasn't bending and neither was he, but in the end someone had to.

\- "Can I see the animals now?" The boy asked holding in his tears.  
\- "Of course. But Mother waits outside, because she was naughty."  
\- "Hmph. I had no desire to see them anyway. You two have fun."

The two went inside and the mother stayed outside. She took a handkerchief and discreetly wiped away a few angry tears. She'll survive. It won't be like this forever.

\----

They were enjoying some snack before going to sleep. Or at least Perona was. She took a bite of her sandwich and looked at him. Mihawk had a wineglass on the table and was going through the news on his tablet. He kept changing pages at a fast pace.

\- "Nothing of interest?"  
\- "Hmm."

He kept looking at the tablet waiting for the next page to load and took a sip of his wine. Perona stretched over the table and looked at him again.

\- "Maybe you should go to sleep?" Mihawk asked nonchalant. He was already on a new page.  
\- "I'm not finished with my hot chocolate." She had a dull look on her face.  
\- "What's on your mind?" He looked at her briefly before continuing his surfing.

Perona looked at her cup.

\- "Can we go to the summer house?"  
\- "What is it with you and the summer house?" Mihawk set his tablet down and looked at her irritated.  
\- "I just liked it. It would be nice to go there again." She was hesitant. He was acting odd. "I like old houses like that. And the seaside was nice."

Mihawk started to look angry.

\- "Is something troubling you?" Perona asked. She didn't know how to act. This kind of Mihawk was new to her.  
He seemed to be thinking what to say. But then he rose up and stormed off.

\- "Hey!" Perona tried reaching for him, but her effort was futile. Next thing she heard was the door to the study slammed shut.

\----

Perona laid on her bed thinking. The event earlier had made her unable to sleep. It was clear Mihawk didn't want to go to the summer house though he didn't say it out loud. He had spend a lot of time there with his son, of course it would be full of reminders and memories of him. If it had been bad for her to go to an apartment they spent three years in together, how would it feel like to Mihawk who had spent near twenty years in that house with him. Maybe being in this house had been awful as well. Didn't Shanks say, that Mihawk had been a mess.  
She got up and made sure that Zoro was okay. He was sleeping soundly. She made her way to the study and timidly knocked. No answer.

\- "Mihawk, I know you're there."

Still nothing.

\- "I'm sorry. I've been so caught up with my own bad feeling I forgot about yours." She leaned her forehead against the door. "And I said I'd share the burden with you."

\- "That was me."  
Mihawk opened the door. His eyes were red and he reeked of wine. And he looked remorseful. It was a look that made her heart ache.

\- "Come in."

He sat down on his desk poured some wine into a glass and then took a long swig straight from the bottle. He offered the glass to Perona who took it before sitting on a chaise lounge that was against the wall right opposite to the bookshelf, now half filled with books. The carpet had disappeared, probably at the cleaning. The full wine bottles had gotten a new self just for them and were no longer on the floor. The desk was still covered with stacks of files and papers. There were two empty wine bottles and an almost empty one. He had probably drank them this night. It was extremely worrying even if he was a large man.

\- "Maybe you've had enough to drink?"

Mihawk gave her a glance, leaned deeper on his chair and took another swig.

\- "Petty."

He smirked at remark before looking at his bottle with anger.

\- "I was supposed to be the strong one." He drank it empty and placed it on the table next to the others. He started tilting it with the tip of his finger. "I wanted to make everything stable for you two."  
\- "You have. We probably wouldn't be this good off if you hadn't." She placed the wineglass on a small table next to the lounge. It would be best to stay sober. "I'd still be extremely sad. I might be neglecting Zoro. But you came for us and I'm eternally grateful for that. But being strong is admitting that you too can be weak sometimes."

He looked at her surprised.

\- "Suddenly you seem more mature."  
\- "I'm not drowning in sorrow anymore." She gave him a happy smile. "Let me help you now."  
\- "I..." he looked remorseful, "I don't feel like I deserve that." He looked away again and closed his eyes. "I only helped you because of Zoro. I probably wouldn't have done anything if he didn't exist."  
\- "It's okay. I suspected as much." She went and tied her arms around him. "I don't blame you for that. What matters is the things we do now, not what we might have done."  
\- "Thank you." He placed his hand on her arm.

His phone alerted him of a new message. He leaned forward freeing himself from her grasp and looked what it was.

\- "She's agreed to meet us."  
\- "When?"  
\- "Next Wednesday."  
\- "So soon."  
\- "Apparently she's in the area then."  
\- "Will it be a problem for you?"  
\- "It's outside work hours. Don't worry." Mihawk looked at the time. "It's late. Go to bed."  
\- "You first!" She shook his chair lightly.  
\- "Alright I will."

Perona looked as Mihawk staggered towards his room. She then gathered the empty wine bottles and the glass and took them to the kitchen. She poured the left-over wine down the drain. She looked out the window determined.

\- "Only five days, Boa Hancock."


	8. The Mother

\- "Do you think I'll be a good mother?"  
He caressed her baby bump and felt a small kick.  
\- "I don't see a reason why not."  
She didn't look convinced.  
\- "Of course you'll be a good mother," he tried to sound convincing, but it was hard because he wasn't sure that either of them would be very great at parenting. But he wanted to believe. He put his free arm around her waist and pulled her closer for a gentle embrace. She pushed him back.

\- "Mihawk," she scolded him. "It's time for dinner."

He sighed and watched as she went to the kitchen.

\----

Mihawk wasn't looking forward to seeing her. He hadn't actually seen or talked to Hancock in years, only sent emails telling about their son missing her and how he was growing up. He didn't blame her for leaving, there had been fault in both of them, but he couldn't bring himself to forgive her either. Perona seemed exited though he didn't understand why. She knew of the history, yet she was dressing up Zoro to his finest and she too looked like she was ready for a business meeting, yet she hadn't bothered with make-up. In fact she hadn't worn any after the accident.

\- "I don't think this is going to be a very joyous occasion," he sighed as they were getting out of the car at the parking lot of a luxury hotel.  
\- "Probably, but I still want to try. Maybe she is actually happy to see Zoro." Peronas voice was full of fake hope.

They went pass the counter as had been instructed. Hancock didn't want any extra attention. The lift ride was long and tedious.

\- "I do look cute, right?" Perona looked at herself in the mirror, anxiously smoothing her bangs. "Maybe I should have curled my hair." She tried poking any stray hair back into her bun.

None of the questions were truly directed at Mihawk, so he just sighed and held onto Zoros carrier. Zoro looked happy. They had tried telling him what was to come but his attention span wasn't that long yet. Perona patted Mihawk on the arm.

\- "Hey don't be nervous. We're a team, Team-Zoro. Horo horo horo!"

Mihawk sighed again though he didn't feel as bad anymore.

\----

The corridor was silent and they quickly located the room. The door was opened by a large woman with red hair. She quickly guided them in.

The room was very high end. There was a double bed, sofa and a TV. It was clearly meant for longer stay. Though the lack of bags indicated that Hancock wasn't going to stay long. She laid regal on the sofa and had a stern look on her face. Next to her was sitting another woman with the same green hair as Zoros. Hancocks eyes narrowed when she saw the trio.

\- "Hope you do not mind me bringing my sisters with me," she said mockingly.  
\- "Of course not," Perona quickly answered her slightly shaken by Hancocks presence. "I am Perona the-"  
\- "Yes, yes. I know who you are." Hancock cut in and stood up. She was a tall and intimidating woman. "I did not come to see you. I could care less for a slapper my son married." She looked down her nose at her.  
\- "Hancock," Mihawk sounded cold. She gave him a look that could have petrified anyone, but he kept his calm. "We can leave anytime we want."  
\- "Fine," she huffed. "So what do you want?"  
\- "To get acquainted with you." Perona was confused by Hancocks hostile demeanor. Almost like a cornered animal. Was she scared of something?  
\- "Hmph! I just tried to keep it polite in the letter. All I wanted was pictures of my grandson, not meet up with whoever pushed him to this world." But there was a quiver in her words, like she didn't actually mean them. They still made Perona angry.  
\- "So you didn't actually want to see even him?"  
\- "True, but you are here now. Congratulations on being so stubborn."  
\- "Don't be like that sister. You didn't come here to fight, remember. I for one am exited to see my grand-nephew." The woman with the green hair stood, she was even taller than Hancock, but in no way was she scary. "Can I look at him." She walked closer.

Perona instinctly took a step in front of Zoro. The woman looked confused, but then smiled gently.  
\- "I'm Boa Sandersonia, Hancocks little sister. The red hair over there is Boa Marigold. She's the youngest of us."

\- "Sandersonia, step down." Hancocks voice was demanding and full of authority. Sandersonia had no choice, but to back away. This little interaction revealed to Perona why this side of the family had been so absent in the live of her husband. Hancock was undeniably the head of the family. She was extremely intimitading.

Perona inched a bit closer to Mihawk and Zoro. What ever she had imagined this meeting to be like, it wasn't this. She was ready to leave, but Mihawk whispered to her:  
\- "This might be the only chance to speak with her."

Perona gathered her strength. She had to know.

\- "What happened that made you leave your son?"

Hancock turned slightly pale and her face became shrouded with rage.  
\- "I'm sure he has already told you what happened." A hateful look towards Mihawk.  
\- "A little bit, but I want to hear your side of the story. Of course we can leave straight away and you'll never get your pictures."

Hancock was used to getting what she wanted and was annoyed a great deal with Peronas persistance. But her sisters gave her a look. This is what they had come for.  
\- "Hmph. If it'll get me what I want then fine."

\----

Boa Hancock was a-19-year-old girl and she felt extremely successful. She had quite a bit of modeling career behind her, men and women alike bend under her will and beauty. They called her the "Snake Princess" most beautiful woman in the world. She was top of the social cream and where ever she went she was invited to the most amazing parties.  
And there she met him, the man called Dracule Mihawk.  
He was world champion in fencing and much was expected for his career as a lawyer. He wasn't swayed by her beauty nor did he yield to her demands. She loved that in him. He didn't care much for her, but still they became lovers. It was mostly sexual in nature, but after Hancock insisted, Mihawk finally started going out to social gatherings as a couple. He wasn't a romantic partner, but was caring and liked having someone drive the loneliness away. She adored the attention they got. They looked good together and were young, of course they're the perfect couple.

But then she became pregnant.

Times were different back then. It was decided that they should marry even if their relationship was still in it's baby steps.

\- "Congratulations!"  
\- "You'll learn to love."  
\- "A baby? Oh you two are perfect."

They moved together into a beautiful house and for a fleeing moment it all seemed good. But he spend long times at work and was worn out when he came back. She felt like she was going crazy, having to halt her career for a mistake, spending all day in the house doing chores, trying not to get bored. When they went out it was for social events and they had to fake that everything was fine and sunny. Then started the fighting. It was little at first, but what had been so endearing about him was their biggest set back. They both became worn out and turned distant. He tried showing her love, tried to give in, but it was too little too late. And the feeling of him faking it was so strong, it made things worse.

When their son was born she couldn't handle it. She became even more gloomy and volatile. She couldn't handle their son crying or any chores that came with having a small child. She hated being at home and Mihawk hated having her there. Together they decided that Hancock should continue where she had left off, take some time off. Whenever she returned she would bad mouth Mihawk, make him feel terrible. But she was also being a better mother for their son, so he took all of her hate on himself. He wanted it to work for the sake of their son.

Hancocks career grew and she started to spend less time at home. Their son started to notice her growing absence and he missed her even more dearly. Every time she was leaving was a struggle for them and soon she couldn't say good bye to him anymore, choosing to go when he was asleep.

\- "Where's mother?"

Mihawk heard it too many times. And every time it hurt him. He tried to make phone calls, but she would quickly end them. She was busy, but maybe she could spare a little bit of time for their son. Until one day after they had put him to bed, Hancock started packing again:  
\- "I can't stand this. I've tried so hard, but I can't." She was weeping angry tears.  
\- "Stay?" Mihawk had heard her start a chant like this too many times. But this time was different as Hancock looked him dead in the eye.  
\- "I can't make myself love my child. I can't even fake it anymore."

Mihawk was pale and rage that had built in him for years got out.  
\- "Then go. I am tired of having to try defending you to him. He's better off without you. Actually we both are."  
\- "I wanted this to work for you. I did love you once." Hancock stopped packing and looked at Mihawk pleadingly. Just a word and she would stay and try her best. She still loved him, but something kept gnawing at her deep inside.

\- "I never held such fond feelings for you."

His words were harsh and cruel and finally her heart broke. She slapped him hard and stormed off. And at that instant Mihawk was filled with regret, but he was too tired to make her stay.

They quickly got divorced. If anyone asked the blame fell on to Mihawk. Hancock would blame him for forcing her into such life and he blamed himself for not being able to give her what she needed. So he tried keeping her up-to-date. At first she didn't answer, but when he sent her the first mothers day card, she grew more interested. And so did her regret, but the old irrational hatred filled her.  
She knew she needed help.

\---

\- "I got diagnosed with postnatal depression."

They had all sat down to listen and during her story, Hancock started to appear smaller and sadder. Her sisters tried comforting her, but they didn't have any effect on her.

\- "I've been getting help and my life has gotten better since then. I actually have a bouncy little stepson whom I love dearly. I never forgot about my son, but I didn't feel that I deserved to be his mother." And finally Hancock burst into tears. "I'll never get to see him ever again. I'll never get to apologize. I'm so sorry."

\- "Please." Perona wiped her eyes a bit. She was close to crying as well. "I can't say I fully understand how you feel, but I can see that you're being honest. I think you can make up by being Zoros grandmother."

Perona took Zoro into her arms and went by Hancock. Hancock looked at her in disbelieve.  
\- "Even after being so cold to you. Even after all the things I did to my son, to Mihawk, you still..."  
\- "I'm giving you a chance to redeem yourself. You want to be part of his family, don't you?"  
\- "I do." Hancock tried swallowing her tears, but it was futile.

Perona gave Zoro into Hancocks arms. The three sisters looked at him and he looked back at them, his eyes big and round. And they all smiled.

\- "He's so beautiful," Marigold was in awe.  
\- "Look at the hair. Look at it!" Sandersonia kept pointing out ecstatic.

Hancock didn't say anything. She smiled and tears rolled down her cheeks. She played a little bit with his hands before letting him go back to Perona and Mihawk. Zoro climbed with help onto Peronas lap, slightly confused by the ladies.

\- "Thank you." Hancock looked at Zoro lovingly before looking back at Mihawk. "He looks just like him."  
\- "I know," he answered her and continued, "I never knew of your condition. I've always regretted having to force you into marriage with me."  
\- "You didn't. It was the pressure from both our families and friends. I have realized that you tried your best and I'm forever thankful for letting me go and taking care of our son."

Perona felt relieved looking at them both. This meeting had gone well after all.

They said their goodbyes after taking a few photos. Hancock promised to come and visit. She and Perona changed information so that they could keep in touch.

\- "It went really well," she remarked to Mihawk who hummed in agreement.


	9. One, two, three... Stupid old man

After meeting Hancock, there was one noticeable change. Mihawk seemed less gloomy. One could say he almost looked cheery. Well at least Perona could. She was getting better and better at reading his small expressions and manners.  
One time he got a phone call and disappeared into his study again. He had a slight smile when he came back.

\- "Who was it?" she asked though it was pretty obvious by his demeanor.  
\- "Hancock."

Bingo.

\- "You've been more cheerful recently..." She felt slightly jealous.  
\- "We've been talking. Sorting things out." He seemed genuinely happy.  
\- "Aha."  
\- "Actually we're going on a dinner next Saturday."  
\- "Great. Good for you." She didn't mean to sound bitter, but something about Mihawk moving onward in his life made her somewhat angry. It made her even angrier to know that the cause of it was his ex-wife.

\- "It's not a problem is it?" He had picked up her sour tone and was cautious now.  
\- "No, I mean it's great! It's good that you two are reconciling. Horo horo." she cringed at her fake laughter. He looked at her calculating. She tried to act natural, but grew tense under his piercing eyes.

\- "What is it? You've clearly got something on your mind."

Sharp as always.

\- "Aah, well," she sweated a little and then lied, "I'm going to meet up with some friends on Saturday. They've been worried about me."

The last sentence wasn't a lie. She had only a hand full of friends and she wasn't that close with them either, but they had still send her messages, asking how she was.  
\- "I see. You were taking me for granted."  
\- "Huh? Oh, yes, sorry."  
\- "Don't be. I said I'd help you take care of Zoro." He looked apologetic. It was slightly annoying how he would take the blame on himself so easily. It's not his fault always.  
\- "You're being way too melodramatic. Leave being drama queen to me," she laughed. "I can just cancel."  
\- "No. It's good for you to meet up with other people too." Mihawk had a very serious look on his face. "We'll ask Moria and if he can't, we'll just find a babysitter."  
\- "Oh, yeah. Horo." She hadn't really thought her lie through. "It's nice to meet up with friends." She would figure out something. Maybe even go out with friends.  
\- "It's going to be good for you, trust me."

She wasn't so sure about that at all.

\----

In the end they agreed that Perona meets her friends in the morning and comes back home in time to let Mihawk go to his "date". Perona huffed and pouted at the thought. Meeting Hancock was supposed to be a closure for them, not get them back together. Of course Perona had conversed with Hancock too, and having her as part of the family was a lovely idea, but her and Mihawk together was just no good. What if some old feelings got awakened? Hancock seemed happy with her new family and Mihawk was happy with her and Zoro.

Perona was sitting at a local coffee shop with Lola and Chiffon. Only they could come on such short notice. Cindry was doing some acting and Absalom was abroad, making a document on international alliances and secret deals. It was actually through Absalom that she had met her husband.

Absalom had forced her once to take part in a mixer with his friends. There had sat a nervous looking young boy next to a goth looking guy with tattoos. She had decided to tease the poor boy and maybe get a bit closer to the other guy, but when they had started talking she realized that he was actually kind of cute. And they had common interests. He liked to study old architecture and was studying to become a doctor, she liked spooky gothic things and was a nurse at a hospital. He had actually dragged the other guy there with him as support. They soon decided to ditch the whole group and go on their way to talk more privately. She liked him and he liked her, so setting up a date was easy. The rest was history.

\- "You look well and... different." Lola said. Between them all was a weird air of uncertainty.  
\- "How come?"  
\- "More toned down. Your clothes I mean."

Perona looked at her simple pink blouse and dark grey skirt with a cute ghost print going around the edges. It was true, she had toned down.

\- "I guess I haven't been thinking about fashion since becoming a mother."

Lola and Chiffon gave each other a quick nervous look.

\- "Oh yes. I can attest to that." Chiffon took a sip of- what had she ordered again? Perona couldn't remember. "I really haven't had the time to dress up since Pez was born."  
Perona quickly looked over Chiffons attire. A well thought out matching set of clothes. The colours and frills made her appear mature, but cute. She looked wonderful. Perona gave a sigh of admiration.  
\- "Of course I put some thought to it now, because this is such a special occasion," Chiffon hastily added realizing what had gone through Peronas head.  
\- "How has it been with Bege?"  
\- "Good, he's been wonderful." Chiffons voice faltered and nervously she turned the conversation to her Duster. "Lola you have some news, right?"  
\- "Haha yes, my company is doing really good and-"  
Lola kept talking, but Perona couldn't concentrate on what she was saying. She had realized what the awkwardness between them was. She had first thought it had only been because they hadn't seen each other in such a long time, but she understood now, that they were doing all they could to avoid anything that might remind her of her husband or just make her feel uncomfortable. And Perona hated that.

\- "I've been living with the father of my late husband."  
Perona said it so bluntly that it took the twins by surprice.  
\- "Ehm, what did you say?"  
\- "During the memorial my father-in-law very generously offered to let me stay with him. Surely you must have wondered where me and Zoro have been all this time."  
Lola and Chiffon were mortified.  
\- "You didn't tell when we asked via messages so we just thought you were staying with your father." Chiffon stuttered.  
\- "Right." Lola agreed.  
\- "Oh, yes of course." Perona looked at her hot chocolate and felt a sudden urge to throw the hot liquid on the floor.  
\- "It's been great to see you again. I should go now." She muttered feeling down. She needed to get away.  
\- "Oh but we just got here. We could talk more?" Chiffon tried to make her stay, but Perona had made her mind.  
\- "I have to go back to let Mihawk go to his dinner party." She was making her leave.  
\- "But we'll message and see each other again, right?" Lola looked sad.  
\- "Sure."

And with that Perona left.

\----

Perona wondered around a nearby park. There was still hours before she would have to return and she didn't want to go back just yet. Meeting with friends had been an utter failure and she didn't want to explain to Mihawk why she was back so early. And she didn't want to look as he got ready for his "date". She felt that irrational anger again.

Almost like... jealousy?

She slapped her cheeks shaking the thought. Of course she was angry. Hancock was no good to Mihawk. It was good that they had reconciled, but they should leave it to that. Perona stomped her feet and groaned in annoyance.

\- "Stupid old man!"

She walked around aimlessly and got out of the park. She walked onwards until finally she noticed a bar sign. Maybe if she hadn't been in such bad mood she would have walked past, but this time she walked in.

\- "One drink to ease my nerves."

But it didn't stay at one drink. No, she ordered one after another. Every time she offered a mee one, she told herself that it would do no harm. She hadn't drank in a long while, but was slightly blinded by her anger. If Mihawk can do it she can too. Just thinking about him made her more pissed off. She chugged her drink and ordered more. Her phone rang.

\- "Who in hell-?"  
Mihawk of course. She let it rang out and then put her phone on silent.  
\- "Guy trouble?" The bartender asked sympathetic.  
\- "Something like that."  
\- "What's he done?"  
\- "Is trying to get back with his ex who is in a new relationship. He's a complete moron."  
\- "Uhhu, why does that worry you then?"  
\- "Because-!"

She was silent and thought:  
"Why did it matter to her?"

\- "Ah well, this ex was pretty horrible to him and... You're right it doesn't matter." She smiled cheerily and raised her cup.  
\- "To my late husbands bullshit father. Horo horo horo!"

The bartender didn't continue the conversation and left her alone, occasionally filling her cup on request. Though he did seem to ignore most of her requests, she still got enough drinks to become more and more intoxicated.

\- "I think it's time for you to go."  
\- "Hurh? Why?" Perona felt dizzy. She didn't know who of the three men was talking to her.  
\- "We're closing and you've got quite enough to drink."  
\- "When did the bar have three bartenders? Wait CLOSING?"

She had just come there. How could it be closing time? She looked at the clock on the wall and screeched. She hadn't gone home on time.  
Perona panicked and rose from her stool to instantly regret it. She fell on the floor and felt extremely nauseated. When her nausea eased up a bit, she checked her phone. Several missed calls from Mihawk and Moria. One even from Hancock. Of course Mihawk had asked around. Perona curled around herself and cried.

\- "Do you need me to order you a taxi, miss?" The bartender had crouched next to her and looked worried. "Or is an ambulance in order?"  
\- "I don't want to go home," Perona muttered to herself.  
\- "Miss?"  
\- "Taxi, please." She let out a sob and rose up. The bartender helped her out and waited with her for the taxi.  
\- "You're too kind."  
\- "Look miss, it sounds like you've had it rough lately and it was bad of me to serve you as much as I did. The least I can do is make sure you get home safely."  
\- "I'm sorry."

\----

The ride home was too short and after paying the driver, Perona hid behind some bushes. It was well past two, but the lights were still on. Mihawk would be furious and if not him, then Moria would be. Past experiences rang in her head. She needed a plan. She squatted thinking hard. Of course! Climb over the backyard fence and then sneak inside to her room through the window. Easy.

It was not.

First she had to go over to another street just to get to the back of Mihawks house and then she had to sneak through the neighbours' yard she had conveniently forgotten. The fence on the other hand was taller than she remembered so she had to come up with how to get over it. She started to move over the outdoor table their neighbour had.

\- "Sorry, but it's an emergency." She whispered quietly.

With great struggle she finally got to the top of the fence. She sighed relieved. Only thing now was to get the courage to drop down.

\- "Feeling guilty?"

\- "Gyyaaaah!" she got spooked by Mihawk who was staring at her from below. She couldn't make out his face, but by the way his eyes burned into her soul it was clear that he was angry.

\- "I've been waiting for you to come home. Did you go drinking with your friends? You reek of alcohol." She could hear the distaste in his voice.  
\- "You're not the only one with the rights to drink!" She could barely mutter out.  
\- "At least I drink with moderation."  
\- "Yeah, right! We all know you're an alcoholic."  
\- "How many times have I been knockdown drunk in your presence?"  
\- "Once... I think... You still have a problem with it!"  
\- "Hmph. At least I don't try to sneak back home, like an underage drinker."  
\- "I'm not sneaking. It's exercising!"  
\- "You could have just gone around the house. And I still would have heard you open the door."  
\- "I was going to go through the window like a ninja," she snorted.  
\- "That would have caused even more ruckus."  
\- "No, no, I'd open the window first."  
\- "What house are you breaking into? My windows cannot be opened."  
\- "Oh." She felt stupid. "I was sneaking back to Morias house all this time."

There was an awkward silence which Mihawk broke.

\- "Get down."  
\- "I'll rather stay up here."  
\- "Get down and face the consequences."  
\- "You can't treat me like a kid! I'm an adult woman with a kid of my own."  
\- "More the reason for you to realize how ridiculous your acting is. I don't even want to think what Zoro will be like when he hits puberty." Mihawk sighed and shook his head.  
\- "Rude! I wouldn't even be here if not for Zoro."  
\- "Maybe so."  
\- "How did you even know I would be here?"  
\- "I saw the taxi drive to my yard and saw you immediately hide behind the bushes. Also your sneaking isn't as quiet as you would like to think. It was a small wonder you didn't wake the neighbours."  
\- "You made me go through all that trouble for nothing?" Tears started to roll down her cheeks. "You're horrible."  
\- "Stop your wailing. It's annoying." He didn't buy her crocodile tears.  
\- "What a heartless man you are!" She crossed her arms and pouted, her tears gone.  
\- "How can you say that!?" Mihawk looked at her with anger boiling in him. "I've been worried sick of you, girl."  
\- "I know!" She shouted back at him. "And I'm sorry for it." This time her tears were real. Mihawk reached his hands towards her and helped her down. She sniveled and wiped her tears into her sleeves.

\- "What happened?"  
\- "The meeting went horribly down. They were tiptoeing around me and I couldn't take it. So I ended it early."  
\- "Why didn't you come back home then? If you wanted to drink you could have done it with me."  
\- "I can take care of myself."  
Mihawk raised a brow at her.  
\- "Why didn't you answer your phone then? I could have cancelled or taken Zoro to Moria."  
\- "I was angry," she let out a sigh and continued, "at you."

Mihawk was going to say something but he was left speechless. What had he done to deserve such treatment? He tried so hard to do what was best by her.

\- "I think, I was jealous."  
\- "Of me?"  
\- "You weren't supposed to get back together with Hancock."  
\- "Why would you think I'd get back together with Hancock?" He looked at her in disbelief. "You know we were no-good to each other."  
\- "I got jealous because it wasn't me making you happy. Like you've made me." Perona looked at her feet ashamed.  
Of course Mihawk deserved to be happy too. More than anyone else she could think of.

Mihawk looked thoughtful and said:  
\- "Wasn't it you who wanted us to have that meeting in the first place?"  
She looked at him with round eyes. It had been her idea.  
\- "Then doesn't that mean it was you who made me happy even if it was by second hand?"  
Perona started smiling broadly. She wouldn't admit it, but she had been very stupid all day long.  
\- "Thinking about it that way makes me glad."  
\- "You really thought I would get back together with Hancock. It's shocking to think that you would get jelous of me." He chucled and gently petted her hair. "I like you too, silly girl."

She laughed loudly before shaking her finger at Mihawk.  
\- "Don't think this is some romantic love I have for you. I only think of you as famil- URP!" She held her mouth and felt extremely sick. Mihawk gently guided her inside while chuckling.

\- "I'll hold your hair for you."

\----

When Perona had finally emptied her stomach, she laid on her bed with a bucket next to her. Mihawk brought her a glass of water. He sat down on the bed as she took the glass from him. Greedily she drank it and felt momentarily better.

\- "Where's Zoro? I thought Moria would be here too."  
\- "I did call him. He stayed here a couple of hours, but I sent him away with Zoro. I had a hunch that you might return drunk. I thought you had been drinking with your friends and lost the track of time."  
\- "Horo. You were wrong."  
\- "Only by a bit."  
\- "Oooh. I miss my baby."She stretched and twined her arms around Mihawks waist placing her head on his lap. "I'll hold you instead."

Mihawk sighed and then petted her head.

\- "Zoro will be back tomorrow."  
\- "Not Zoro." Perona corrected Mihawk and squeezed him a bit tighter. "It was amazing to be like this after a hard day at work."  
\- "Perona, I-" Mihawk was getting uncomfortable. Getting compared to his son had always made him uncomfortable, even more so now.  
\- "I'm not trying to replace him with you. Don't worry. You wouldn't be able to do that even if you tried." Perona chuckled and he couldn't agree more.  
Mihawk gave her hair a few strokes before prying her off in which she easily complied. She slowly turned and hugged her pillow as Mihawk tugged her in.

\- "Good night, Perona."  
\- "Goodnight, Mihawk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI  
> I love Chiffon. She's amazing.


	10. Autumn Trip

September came and all of the leaves had turned to different shades of brown, orange, red and yellow. The colourful splendor was amplified by the suns lower projection. The days were getting shorter and it was rare to even see the sun because nearly everyday there was a thick layer of clouds just ready to rain down at any moment. But now it had been dry all week so they had decided to do yard chores. Mihawk had trimmed the bushes and cut down the dead stems of summer flowers. There were still some autumn flowers full at bloom. Even if everything in the yard was withering away, it was still beautiful to be at. Perona was in awe of Mihawks green thumb and eye for beauty she suggested that if he hadn't become a lawyer, he would have made an amazing landscape designer. But Mihawk had a look on his face, that being a lawyer wasn't really a choice. She did not dare to pry any further, Mihawk was very sensitive about his past.

Zoro was growing extremely fast. He was excellent at running now and his vocabulary had grown with quite a few words. He was exited by the rare sunny day and by the leaves that Mihawk was now raking. He picked one and pointed it towards his grandfather.

\- "Pwed!" he grinned. The leaf was in fact yellow.  
\- "No, yellow." Mihawk shook his head.

Zoro puckered his lips, looked at the leaf in his hand and pointed it towards Perona who was picking up the cut branches.

\- "Pwed."  
\- "Yellow."

Not getting the answer he wanted he picked a different color leaf and pointed it towards Perona.

\- "Pwed?"  
\- "Yes. That is red."

Zoro looked triumphant and turned to Mihawk.

\- "Pwed!"

Mihawk looked pleased and took some leaves into his hands and made them rain down on Zoro. Zoro giggled and ran to Perona, who wiped the dirt off of him. By now Mihawk had finished a pile of leaves. Zoro looked at it with gleaming eyes and darted. He clumsily fell on the pile and started throwing the leaves up in the air though he couldn't get them as high as he wanted. He pouted and looked at Perona.

\- "Mama."

Perona left her work to join Zoro in his game. Mihawk sighed. He knew he was going to fix the pile over and over again.

\- "Don't act all grumpy. We all know you're secretly enjoying this." Perona gave Mihawk an all knowing smile. He sighed again and went back to raking, though he had a light smirk on his lips now.

\----

Zoro trembled when they came back inside. They had been outside a little longer than sensible for him, but they were all having so much fun to realize the cold.

\- "Not good," Perona muttered while changing him into his warm bear pajamas. "Why didn't you say something?" She pouted and gave Mihawk a cold look.  
\- "The cold never bothered me anyway."

Perona chuckled at the reference. She hadn't thought Mihawk actually paid attention to the movies she and Zoro were watching. He always looked so bored or was reading something.

\- "I have an idea. Sit down."

Mihawk sat on his armchair without a second thought. Perona placed Zoro on his lap and then placed a blanket over the two. Engulfed in warmth Zoro yawned drowsily and started to droop. Mihawk gently leaned him against his chest.

\- "I am trapped. Did you even think of who would make dinner?"  
\- "Me." Perona pointed at herself. Under Mihawks tutoring her cooking skills had gotten better. "And if it's not edible we can always order pizza. You just lay back and relax. Don't you old people need to nap anyway." Perona snickered.  
\- "I'm not that old."  
\- "Want me to bring your book?"  
\- "If you won't mind. It's on my desk."

Perona cheerily went to the study. It was messy there. The beautiful thick carpet was finally laid on the floor. On it were a couple of pillows and a thick blanket. It was soft under her feet so she could understand why Mihawk would lay on it. A neat stack of old photo albums were in the mids of it all, one album was left wide open. Mihawk had been arranging photos of himself, Zoro and Perona there. There were pieces of paper where Mihawk had written a date and a small description. She chuckled at a picture of Zoro having his face in a grimace.  
"Zoro tasting lemons."  
She was happy that Mihawk had started to take pictures. She would not have even noticed to, everything had been a bit of a haze after her husband had died. How Mihawk found the time to do an album like this, she didn't know. He probably didn't sleep much during the night since he spend his free-time with her and Zoro. She carefully looked at the album cover. With glittery pastel coloured letters it had "Family - Zoro's here" written on it and Perona recognized it as one of her husbands. She looked at the other albums, which were dull brown and only had the starting and ending date written on them.

She went back to the newer album and flicked through the pages not caring if she was messing up Mihawks work. She finally found the point where Mihawk had started working on the album. Two pages had been left blank and on the third the first picture was of Mihawk changing Zoro's nappy, she had taken when they had moved in.

"Pappa reporting for duty."

Perona had been upset for Mihawk touching the album, but a warm feeling settled in her heart and she smiled. She carefully fixed what she had done and went to the desk to pick up the book. It was still full of papers and files, but the photos had been uncovered. And next to them was a new one of Perona holding Zoro.

\- "Just as tacky as his son," Perona mused to herself whilst grabbing the book.

\----

Mihawk looked drowsy as he was leaning back to his chair while lazily petting Zoro's head, who was fully asleep by now. Perona snuck into the room and offered Mihawk his book. He shook a bit as if woken from a deep slumber and took it.

\- "What took you so long?" his voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat as quietly as he could.  
\- "I took a look at the photo albums and forgot what I was doing."

Mihawk looked slightly surprised before rubbing the bridge of his nose.

\- "It was supposed to be a surprise."  
\- "It's good I found it like that. I might have snapped if you had just presented it to me. It made me a bit angry that you'd gone and messed with his photo album."  
\- "Sorry. I didn't think of it that way." His voice was silent and his brows slightly burrowed.  
\- "It's okay. It looked good. Might I suggest something, though?"

Mihawk looked at her expectantly.

\- "On the blank pages that you left in between, I would like to have a picture of him, his name and the date of birth and death. As prettily done as possible." Her eyes and smile were bright and Mihawk couldn't help, but smile warmly at the sight.  
\- "I'll do my best."  
\- "You better," she was cheery and turned towards the kitchen. It was high time she started making the dinner. But she was stopped by Mihawk.

\- "Come here."

She went back to him and leaned a bit closer. Mihawk reached towards her face and she closed her eyes. He gently touched her hair and she could feel a slight tug as if he had removed something.

\- "There was a stick stuck to your hair," he said it with a blank look and offered it to Perona. "Please, dispose of it."

Perona took it and hastily went to the kitchen. She threw the stick in the bin and leaned to a counter. Her face was deep crimson, because she had thought he would touch her cheek. She pressed them a little before starting to gather the ingredients.

"Just a simple mistake, anyone could have thought that."

She shivered at the thought. No one would make such conclusion. She must have been slightly confused because Mihawk and his son were so much alike. He would have just reached for her to pick something off or pet her cheek. He would always laugh if she closed her eyes and expected a caress.

"Did you think- Oh you silly little thing. Let me pet your cheek since you want me to."

She blushed at the memory and gently touched her cheek remembering how warm his hands were and how loving that smile was.   
And she became angry at herself.

She had feelings like that only towards her husband, definitely not towards Mihawk. Her husband had been dead for less than three months. She couldn't move on this fast. She wont! Only thing she could be feeling for Mihawk was familial love. She was not into him in the slightest. The emotions after seeing him continue the album were just mixing her up. Nothing else.

Angrily she started on making the food. It came out edible, but she was still miffed by the odd moment. She went to Mihawk to tell him dinner was ready. He was fast asleep, but Zoro in his arms wasn't. He was playing with Mihawks book and just before he could rip a page, Perona took him into her arms. Mihawk didn't wake up, just adjusted his position. He sighed deep and Peronas heart fluttered.

\- "So cute," she let out an adoring sigh, but quickly got annoyed at her own reaction. She started poking Mihawks cheek in a rough manner. Zoro tried to mimic, but because he couldn't reach Mihawks cheek he settled onto poking Peronas which made her poke Mihawks with more fury. He quickly opened his eyes and gave her an annoyed glare.

\- "Dinner is ready, old man," she announced, but didn't stop her assault. Finally frustrated Mihawk pushed her hand aside. The more this girl regained her old self the more capricious she seemed to become. She was loud, headstrong when she wanted, annoying, but never obnoxious. And she was sweet, kind and still more hurt than she let on. He liked all those things about her.

Zoro giggled happily. He found Mihawks annoyed look hilarious. And Mihawk liked Zoro a lot too. Very different from his father and very much like his mother, or maybe he's the perfect mix of both.

Mihawk was genuinely exited to see these children grow and flourish.

\----

\- "I think it's about time." Mihawk looked thoughtful and leaned into his hand.  
\- "To do what?" Perona directed her attention towards him and not the futile battle of keeping Zoros food from going all over the place. Zoro was determined to eat by himself no matter what.

\- "Visit his grave," he said gravely as if it was the most hardest thing to suggest.  
\- "Do you really want to?" She was concerned because Mihawk didn't usually sound so forced.  
\- "I haven't been there since the funeral. Somehow the thought of it feels hard."  
\- "Same," she agreed quietly.

Zoro sensed the sudden downswing of the mood and looked extremely worried.  
\- "Mama?"

Perona chuckled and wiped some food off of his chin.  
\- "Want me to spoon your food?"  
\- "No," Zoro cheered. He was pleased to have lifted her mood again.  
\- "Hey, let's take some flowers from the yard. He would like that."

Mihawk nodded. It had been decided.

\----

It was a cold day. So they had dressed accordingly, though Perona wished she could have worn something super nice instead of her bright red jacket and black jeans. To show off to her husband how well she was doing right now. Well, at least how much better it was now than a month back. Mihawk was wearing a knee length black jacket and his amazing hat, though anyone with normal sense of style would say it looked weird, but Perona appreciated his choice of style. Zoro had a tiger jumpsuit on that was obviously getting too small for him, a painful reminder that time did indeed move forward. Her husband had liked it on him a lot so she wanted Zoro to wear it as long as it would be possible.

They walked through the cemetery. It was positioned near water and was a very scenic place to be at any time of the year. The light played between the trees and there was a little bit of fog. It seemed near magical there. Perona carried a bouquet she had hand picked herself from Mihawks yard. She felt good coming to a cemetery, even if it was to see her husbands grave. It was her sort of aesthetic and it was a very beautiful day.

Mihawk was pushing Zoro's stroller a little bit behind. Both of them were slightly enthralled by her. For Mihawk her cheery skipping and all the colours felt out of place, but in a sort of good way. Zoro just liked the way her hair bounced with each step.

But the closer to the grave they got the more her speed went down and steps got heavier. It was nice shadowy place and the red granite stone shone beautiful, it's colour contrasting with the golden letters of his name. There were some withered flowers, that Perona picked up in her free hand. Mihawk lifted Zoro off of his stroller. He was eager to stretch out, but the mood of the two adults made him halt. He was better at reading the situations now and something told him that now was important to be calm. Mihawk was squatting behind him ready to catch him if he did decide to make a run for it. Perona crouched next to them and placed the fresh bouquet on the grave. Zoro took a couple of careful steps and gave the flowers an assuring pat. Mihawk petted his head, making Zoro smile. They stayed like that in silence. The autumn wind blew cold and the aspen leaves rustled. But soon Zoro grew restless and grabbed onto his mother and tried shaking her. Perona smiled weakly and hugged him, though he answered with an anxious grunt.

\- "I wish that where ever he is now, it's peaceful like this." She rose with Zoro in her arms.

Mihawk stayed down and wiped the smooth surface of the stone. A heavy sigh and his shoulders slumped. Perona couldn't see his face because of his hat, but she had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about. She put Zoro back into his stroller and crouched next to him, before looking at him.

\- "He always talked very highly of you. He never seemed to resent you for being away so much. I didn't understand why back then, but I do now. He was an adult, capable of taking care of himself and being able to live your own life didn't make you a bad father. You did your best and it was good enough."

Mihawk looked back at her and Perona swallowed in surprise to see him so sad. Mihawk had never been so openly showing his feelings. His grieving face was filled with gentle softness. Her heart filled with empathy for the man, but before she could say anything more Mihawk smiled somewhat bitter though he did not mean to.

\- "Thank you." He rose and started pushing Zoro. "Lets go do something fun."

Perona quickly followed, but got soon left behind. Mihawk turned to see what was taking her so long. Her gaze was on the ground and she shook with her hands clenched into tight fists. Finally she threw the old flowers on the ground and stomped on them, letting her frustration show.

\- "I hate him. To suddenly vanish like that and leave us behind. He's so selfish. And not a sign to show that he is in anyway here. I hate him, hate him, hate him!"

Now big tears were rolling down her face. She tried to wipe them off, but new ones kept emerging. Mihawk left Zoro and walked back to Perona.

\- "I never want to fall in love again!" She whimpered.  
\- "Then don't."

She looked at him with round eyes. He took her hand and looked back at her.

\- "The only ones you need to love are Zoro and yourself. No one else."

She looked at him in surprise and then laughed.

\- "Horo horo! I'll love Moria too and Cindry and Absa." She had a smug smile. "I'll even love you a little bit."  
All Mihawk did to reply was smile gently.

They walked back to Zoro, who was wiggling in his stroller, anxious to get away. Perona kneeled to him and he looked at her angrily, little bit of snot dripping down his nose.

\- "Horo horo horo! I'll definitely love you the most."


	11. The good doctor

Time seemed to fly now that they had settled and had nothing to pressure them. Perona had bettered her relationships and had met up with her friends. She was surprised at what a good friend Chiffon had become to her. The power of motherhood was bringing them together. They had a play-date with Zoro and Pez which had been wonderful even if the kids had been more interested in their own things. Hancock had visited a couple of times and had even brought her step son, Ace, over. Ace was a year older than Zoro, but they still got well together, even if Ace would call Zoro stupid often.

Everyone were starting to talk more about her future plans. The topic of her late husband came up less and less and people seemed less pitying of her. She found herself often thinking what she wanted and were doing research on her computer from time-to-time. She wasn't exactly sure though. She didn't want to continue being a nurse and the plan of her being a stay-at-home-mom wasn't really an option anymore even if Mihawk wouldn't mind having them there for a long time. When she thought about it, it was clear that he too had changed during the past months. The wineglass had been replaced with a teacup, it was rare for her to see him drink alcohol anymore. And he was less gloomy and less restrained. He was more often smiling and seemed less uncomfortable if she touched him.  
In the evenings it had become a habit for them to talk for a while. The topics varied, but they did feel comfortable talking with each other on nearly every topic. It was both relaxing and made them closer as friends.

\- "I've noticed there's less of your old things around."

Mihawk remarked while writing something on his laptop. They were in his study and Perona was laying on the chaise lounge covered with a thick blanket. It was true that she had gotten rid of a lot of things. Things that had seemed important to her at the time held less value to her now.

\- "I feel bad admitting this, but I've been thinking about him less often now." She looked at the ceiling and fiddled with her thumbs. "Some of those things I wanted to keep from him, I don't want them anymore."

Mihawk turned to look at her thinking what to say. She couldn't bear his silence.

\- "I'm sorry." She turned to face the back of the lounge.  
\- "It's alright. I don't think of him daily anymore either."  
\- "It just makes me so sad and angry at myself." Her voice got muffled a bit as she curled tighter against the lounge.  
\- "Moving on is an inevitable part of life. Like how you keep going even if a grandparent dies."  
\- "I've never had anyone die so all of this is new to me."  
\- "Ah, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Perona was four when she had been taken into the foster system. Moria did not have any living grand parents when he had adopted her, so of course she lacked the experience other kids would have. She hadn't even had any pets growing up.

\- "I haven't told you, so how could you?" Perona turned back to face Mihawk. "Was it hard to have your parents die?" She flinched a bit. What a stupid thing to ask.  
\- "No, I wasn't that close with them." Mihawk didn't seem bothered at all by her question. "My mother died when I was young and my father never got over it. He was reluctant to have a proper relationship with me and couldn't look me in the eyes, because they're the same as my mother's."

Perona had never seen anyone with eyes like his. They were sharp like that of a hawk and it felt like they changed from golden to red with the lighting.

\- "I think your eyes are beautiful."

Mihawk looked at her surprised and turned back to his laptop. He rubbed his face lightly. Was he blushing?

\- "Anyway he finally decided to take his own life. Didn't even get to see his grandson, old fool."

There was resentment in his voice and she could see how similar her situation was to Mihawks father's. When he had said that he had helped her only for Zoro, this must have been the reason behind it. He had wanted them to avoid the same end result.

\- "It wasn't your fault."  
Mihawk laughed and remarked bitterly:  
\- "You wouldn't believe how many times I've heard that."

She was going to continue, but then heard Zoros whimpering from the baby monitor.  
\- "I'll go check him. I should probably go sleep anyway."  
Mihawk shrugged and started writing again. Perona pouted. He could be annoying at times.

Mihawk could hear her speak to Zoro through the monitor. She asked him what was wrong and Zoros whimpering got stronger. She soon shut the monitor.

\----

Mihawk stretched and yawned. He hated having to work at home, but sometimes it couldn't be avoided. He went to the kitchen to get something to eat before going to sleep, but stopped when he heard Perona spacing in her room and Zoro still crying in agony. When he checked on them it was clear something was wrong. Perona was terrified and pale. She was trying to calm Zoro who cried weakly. He was awfully red.

\- "What is going on?" He went to them worried.  
\- "I- I- Zoro and I," Perona was panicking and couldn't form a coherent sentence between her sobs.  
\- "Calm down. Tell me step-by-step." He took a firm hold of her shoulders forcing her to stop her spacing. She swallowed a little bit before breathing in.  
\- "Fewer." It was the only thing she could mutter before starting to cry again.

\- "Help him."

Mihawk tried Zoro's forehead. It was burning up.

\- "Have you measured his fewer?" He asked Perona, but it was clear that she was in too much of a shock to be of help.  
\- "I can't loose him too." She whimpered hugging Zoro slightly tighter.  
\- "Sit down on the bed and don't hold him too tightly."

She obeyed him and Mihawk went and got the thermometer. He measured Zoro's fewer.

\- "38,4. It's quite high," he thought to himself not wanting to worry Perona even more.

He started to check if Zoro was feeling any pain or if he had any other symptoms. But aside from the fewer he seemed to be fine. He wasn't in pain and had no sore spots or rash. Perona was still sobbing and shaking.

\- "Can I have Zoro?"

Perona shook and didn't react to his question. So Mihawk repeated the question. She moved lightly releasing her grab to let him take him. He placed Zoro in the middle of the bed and took a couple pieces of his clothing off of him.

\- "I'll go make formula for him. Let's keep him comfortable and see how he progresses."

Perona nodded and turned to comfort Zoro, who was still whimpering.

\----

It was very late into the night when Zoro finally fell asleep. He whimpered in his sleep, but his fever had gone down slightly. Perona was laying next to him keeping watch.

\- "He's going to be fine, sleep." Mihawk soothingly said to her from a chair. He was reading a book.  
\- "I can't. If I don't look he'll die."  
\- "He won't. Zoro is strong." He sat to the other side of the bed and kept reading his book.  
\- "Sleep, I'll keep watch."  
\- "I can't, I can't." Perona shook her head.

Mihawk sighed and started petting her head. She was tired and tried to stay awake, but finally fell asleep. Mihawk put a blanket over her before reading his book again. He was most definitely going to stay awake. The time moved slowly. Zoro woke up a couple of times, but each time Mihawk was able to keep him quiet enough not to wake Perona. He was dead tired when Perona started to whimper in her sleep. It was incomprehensible mumbling. Mihawk eased himself down into a laying position. He smoothed Peronas hair and spoke softly:

\- "I'm here. I'll keep Zoro safe, so don't worry. I'll watch over you two."

She seemed to relax and smiled a little. Mihawk gave her hair a few more strokes before his fingers wandered over her cheek. Somehow she looked perfect.

Was she always this pretty?

He pulled his hand quickly away and rose from the bed. He didn't understand why, but he felt deeply ashamed of himself. He went to make himself some coffee. He must be extremely tired. He looked out of the window. The sun was starting to rise. He should call to work and inform them he would come late to work.

\----

Perona lazily opened her eyes. Zoro was resting peacefully. His fewer was low. He wasn't better yet, but he wouldn't need to go to the hospital either. Mihawk was still on the bed reading his book. Perona smiled when she saw him. He really was a man of his word.

\- "Morning."

Mihawk looked at her and nodded slightly. Perona kissed Zoro's forehead careful not to wake him.

\- "My little fuss pie. You gave me a fright."

She rose from the bed and looked at Mihawk.

\- "I had a dream about my husband." She smiled and picked a hair brush. "I was crying with Zoro in my arms. I was lost, scared and Zoro wasn't breathing. It was dark, but then I saw him. He was really bright and I couldn't clearly see his face. But he smiled and told me he would keep me and Zoro safe. He gave Zoro a small kiss and he was laughing again. It would be nice if he actually was our guardian angel."

Perona laughed and went away while brushing her hair. Mihawk paled. He understood why he had felt so ashamed. He had crossed that invisible line he had set for himself. He should be more careful in the future. It wasn't his role to keep the two safe forever. At best this situation was only temporary. She and Zoro shouldn't be living with him forever so it made sense not to get too attached.  
The idea of being by himself again didn't appeal to him, but it would be the best for the two.

Mihawk sighed and laid down setting his book aside. He almost fell asleep, but got startled by Zoro climbing on top of him.  
\- "What are you doing?"  
Zoro just smiled and pressed his cheek against his chest closing his eyes. Mihawk bit his lip and put his forearm over his eyes.

He really didn't want to be lonely again.

\----

Zoro's fewer died in a couple of days and he was back to being the cheerful noisy little kid that he was. While sick he had been a little bit clingy making Perona hold him and feed him. After it Perona was sad for being denied feeding him with the spoon once again. She liked it when Zoro wasn't as independent.

\- "Why do you like to spoon his food so much? I find it more enjoyable to watch him have a good time." Mihawk blurted while watching her struggle again. Though as fun as their fight was to look, it also got extremely annoying after awhile.  
\- "Because it's the only food related thing I've been able to do for him ever." She grunted mid her fight. Zoro was being extra stubborn.  
\- "It's not. You're actually capable of cooking these days. You've improved quite a lot since you came here." He took a sip of coffee and wrinkled his nose at the bitter taste.  
\- "Well I guess I just like it a lot."  
\- "There will be a time when he'll ask you to spoon feed him again. And you'll answer him no."  
\- "I guess so," she sighed resigned and let Zoro have to spoon. "But I'm going to say yes."  
\- "Spoon!"  
\- "Don't be too cocky, lil weasel." Perona snorted.

Zoro showed her tongue.

\- "Look at that!" With both her hands stretched out, she was comically showing Zoro to Mihawk. "Where did he learn that?"  
\- "You do it all the time."  
\- "I do not!" She showed him her tongue and laughed grossly after.

\----

\- "Where are you going?"  
\- "Out with the girls." Perona was doing her hair.

Mihawk frowned.

\- "Yes, it's a club, but I will be with friends and this time I'm not drinking to forget. It's completely different and," she lifted her left hand flashing her wedding ring, "I'm not out there to hit on anyone either. It'll be fine."

He didn't really care if Perona wanted to find company or just get drunk. Only thing he wanted was for her to be safe.

\- "What if something happens here?"  
\- "I trust you to handle it and I will keep my phone on and check it regularly. I won't drink myself into a stupor." She rose and spun around. "How do I look?"

She was wearing a nice black dress with a flowy chiffon hem. It was showing her arms and long legs quite a bit. Her hair was on a loose side-bun with curls going down her shoulder. And in the longest time, she was wearing make-up. She had took great care in styling herself and Mihawk found it hard to believe she was just going to hang out with her friends. She was absolutely stunning.

\- "Won't you get cold?"  
\- "I'll wear a jacket over and these stockings are quite thick. And it'll get hot in the bar anyway."  
\- "Call me if you need help or a ride."  
\- "Stop fussing, it'll be fine."

She went over to Zoro who had been looking at her get ready from his grib. He got up exited. He too wanted to go where she was going. She gave him a hug, careful not to mess up her looks.

\- "I'm sorry, but I guess you'll have to spend the night with Pappa."  
\- "And it'll be much better than what Mommy is going to do anyways."

Perona showed him tongue and went to get her jacket. Mihawk followed.

\- "Be careful... and have fun."  
\- "Of course I will." She grinned and then poked his chest. "Try not to worry too much."  
\- "I never worry." He chuckled.

She gave him a skeptical look.

A car drove to the yard. Her friends were there to collect her. She grabbed her bag and waved Mihawk a goodbye. He lazily waved back. He walked back to Zoro and picked him up.

\- "So what'll it be little man? Snack, movie, playtime or a little bit of all?" He had a small smile.

Evening with just him and Zoro had to be amazing.

\----

Peronas worries were soon washed away by the pure excitement and cheerfulness the taxi was filled with. There was Chiffon, Lola and Cindry all glammed up. They had been planning for this evening and were sure as hell going to enjoy it.

The club was loud and colorful. They had reserved an area for themselves and first they just had to go through the latest gossip. They got drinks of all kinds though Perona didn't forget to keep track on her drinking. It was the least she could do. Then an interesting band hit the stage and they all went dancing. Perona was having an extremely good time.  
Exhausted she went by the bar to get a drink for herself.

\- "I knew that pink mane was familiar," a voice of a man said.  
\- "There are a lot of people with pink hair in this club. Piss off." She didn't even bother to face him. She just wanted to finish her drink and go back to her friends.  
\- "C'mon that's not the way to talk to an old friend," the voice was sarcastic.

Perona couldn't hold off any longer and spun around. She pressed her finger against the nose of the man.

\- "Now listen there mister! I don't know who you are and-" Her eyes grew big and round and the man grinned devilishly.

\----

\- "I know you two met at the mixer, but it was a long time ago and you didn't really talk much. This is Trafalgar Law, my senior at the med school. He's about the same age as you." Her boyfriend was hanging by the shoulder of the thin and sickly looking man. This was the goth boy she had at first laid her eyes on.

\- "Couple of years older actually." Law said with a mocking tone.

Perona looked at him with curiosity. It was her first time to get to talk with this guy. He still wore dark clothes and the amount of his tattoos had risen. He still looked extremely interesting to her. She secretly wished that her man would take some tips on how to dress up.

\- "It's nice to meet you, I'm Perona."  
They shook hands and her boyfriend's face lit up.  
\- "I'll go get some refreshments."

They both smiled at him, but when he was out of hearing range Law had a disgusting look on his face.  
\- "So you're the skank. You know he doesn't talk about anything else, but you and it's driving me crazy."  
\- "What?"  
\- "You know the way you eyed me at that mixer. It was clear that you were actually after me. So let's get it over with. I'll give you a ride you won't forget and you can leave him alone." He smiled sweetly at her.  
\- "Excuse me?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.  
\- "It's time to end this charade. Geez, no need to act coy." He smirked and winked at her.  
\- "I don't want you! Sure I found you interesting at first, but our relationship isn't a sham to get in your pants." Perona was furious. What kind of a friend was he?

\- "What's so special about him? He dresses up dull and is actually pretty boring to be around. From my point of view the only thing you two have in common is that you're both on the medical field." He leaned back into his seat and crossed his legs. "And if you're thinking he'll be a good surgeon and get you a lot of cash, then tough luck, 'cos he isn't."

\- "Shut up!" She hissed at him. "Sure he might dress up dull and maybe to you we have nothing in common, but that's only skin deep. He's kind and funny and makes me feel good and alive and we have devotion and love. I don't care if he never becomes rich. I don't care if he decides to quit mid school and changes field. Only thing I care is that we make each other happy and that's enough!"

\- "I think you're quite good enough." Law was smiling genuinely and nodded towards where her boyfriend stood mouth agape. His hands shook as he held three beers in them. He kept staring at her and Perona looked down at the floor with her face completely red.

\- "Your friend is an asshole," she finally muttered and he nodded in agreement. Law had a shit eating grin on his face.

\----

\- "So you do remember me." Law took her hand and gave it a courteous kiss. Perona quickly pulled it away.  
\- "It's been long. You sound as nasty as ever."  
\- "Yeah, well you're still a skank." He waved his hand at the bartender. "Whiskey. Make it two."  
\- "I'm not having it." She waved a hand at her own drink as an excuse. Something about Trafalgar Law screamed danger to her.  
\- "Who said it was for you?" He acted surprised.  
\- "Ugh."

Law laughed and moved a bit closer to her and drank one of his whiskeys. He was blocking her way out.

\- "You know I never quite got over it."  
\- "Over what?"  
\- "You denying me straight up. There's this spice and strength in you that I like a lot."  
He let his hand travel over her shoulder down her arm. She wiped it off making sure he could see the wedding band on her finger. But he just laughed at her.

-"There you go again. You know people won't be able to understand you like I can."  
\- "What do you mean?" She didn't actually want to know, but was playing along trying to find a way out.  
\- "Growing up adopted. The feeling of loosing someone who meant everything to you too soon."

There was something weird in the way he talked. Like he actually did know how she felt, but was also lying to her. She felt uncomfortable, but didn't want to cause a scene. She didn't want to cause Mihawk more worry.

Law now pushed slightly against her wrapping his arm around her shoulder.

\- "It still hurts doesn't it? Why else would you be wearing that ring."  
\- "Of course it does you asshole." She hissed and pushed him off slightly. Why didn't anyone notice how uncomfortable she was?

\- "What if I could lessen that pain?"

He placed a hand on her thigh. His hand was suggestive in it's movement and he found his way under her dress though the layer of chiffon was too long to be gone under without causing commotion. She wanted to scream, but felt petrified. Nothing like this had ever happened to her. It must be a dream. It couldn't be real. Maybe if she didn't move he'd loose interest and just go. But he kept on moving so she gathered her strength and squeezed her legs shut. Law chuckled at her futile effort.

\- "Is this guy bothering you?" a tall bartender asked. He looked like a bull and was absolutely terrifying.

Law quickly pulled his hand away and grinned at the bartender.  
\- "Were just old friends catching up. Perona I have to go now, but here's my number if you want to call." He placed a card in her hand. "We could 'talk' about your husband."

Law drank his other whiskey and quickly left the scene. Perona was shaking. She was so relieved that the bartender had noticed her.

\- "Thank you."  
\- "Did he do anything? Do you want me to call you a taxi or the cops. Is your husband here?"  
\- "It's alright. My friends are here and are probably wondering where I am by now." Perona answered weakly and next to them was Chiffon with a worried look.  
\- "You left ages ago and I thought you'd gotten into trouble."  
\- "I'm alright. I just lost the track of time."  
\- "Are you sure? You look pale. Maybe it's time to go home."  
\- "Don't let me ruin your fun." Perona was slightly distressed. She didn't want to trouble people.  
\- "Nonsense! I'm getting you home now. I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself if you didn't have a good time either. I'm sure Lola and Cindry think so too."

\----

They all decided that it was best to end the night already. They got Perona safely to a taxi and made sure she got all the way home. They asked several times if she was okay. Perona answered yes every time, but kept clenching the piece of card in her hand. Law was dangerous and she had been lucky that night.  
Finally she was at home and she gave Chiffon a huge hug before going back inside. She took a deep sigh and carefully removed her jacket and put the card into her purse. She didn't know why she didn't just toss it. It was weird.

Mihawk was sitting on the sofa with Zoro on his lap. They were watching Snow White. She quietly sat next to them and Mihawk looked at her with a slight smile. He was happy that she was back already.

\- "You're back early," his voice was quiet. He didn't want to bother Zoros watching experience. Zoro held onto a teddy bear and was captivated by the film.

\- "I'm not the party girl I used to be... Can I snuggle next to you?" She looked at him. Mihawk was warm and safe. Right now he was exactly what she needed.

Mihawk gave her a studying look. Something was off. She usually didn't ask for permission, just did as she pleased. But she didn't look like she wanted to talk either. So he took a hold of Zoro and leaned a bit on the side to be in a more of a laying position. Then he lifted his arm as a gesture to come closer. Perona had a wide smile when she cuddled next to him.She got as close as she could and wrapped her arms around him and Zoro. Zoro had dropped his bear and was now holding on both Peronas and Mihawks hands. Mihawk let his arm fall over Perona and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

Finally she felt safe and warm and was flooded with the feeling of relieve. She started weeping and buried her face against his chest. Mihawk readjusted his arm to let her get closer and to be able to pet her hair. The position felt uncomfortable, but he didn't care.

\- "Did something happen?" He whispered with the softest tone he was capable of. Perona shook her head.

\- "I'm just happy to be home."


	12. All Hallows’ Eve

 

Perona had waited all day. Sometimes it was hard to even see him, because their schedules didn’t fit together at all. But she had been patient all day long. What she had in mind was making her hot. Unbearably so. Even the frozen February didn’t cool her down. She had to tell him, just had to.

He climbed to the bed without a word his back against hers. Maybe he thought she was asleep, or he just didn’t want to cuddle. It was like that these days. He hated how their work schedules never seemed to fit together. It was the only thing that they ever really fought about. Maybe it was hard on them because they didn’t have a lot of power in deciding how their working schedules go.

But she was bursting with the knowledge. Even if telling it to him felt like admitting defeat. Finally with a defeated coy look on her face she whispered, small bit of her hoping he wouldn’t hear:

\- “I’ve been off the pill a few days now.”

She couldn’t say anything else when he had already turned around and was holding her face.  
\- “Are you serious!? You sure about this?”  
\- “Yes.” She couldn’t help but smile. He had wanted a child so long now and she was finally ready as well.

He started kissing her everywhere and laughed:  
\- “I’m going to be a father!!”  
\- “Don’t be so hasty,” she chastised him and coyly added, “You still need to put one in me.”  
\- “Oh, yes you’re right.” He kissed her again letting his hands wander over her body. “If we’re fast it might be born in October. Our very own Halloween-Baby.”

And he laughed one of his perfect laughters she so loved.

—-

After a half a year of trying, Perona was finally pregnant. It was going to be a spring baby and she was excited of the idea. She decided that she would end her work. Being a nurse wasn’t really her dream job and it felt good to finally not having to worry about their schedules matching.  
She was making a simple porridge when she heard the door go.

\- “What are you doing up this early?” A yawn escaped his lips.  
\- “Good morning to you too,” she snorted. “I woke up being hungry and I thought you might be hungry as well.”

He went by her side and looked at the porridge.  
\- “I’m scared.”  
\- “Hey it’s just porridge. I can’t fail that.”  
\- “You’ve burnt it.”  
\- “The top’s still good.”

He took a taste and made an awful face and started retching.  
\- “What did you put into this? Arsenic?”  
\- “It can’t be that bad.” She took a taste and spit it out. “Ew.”  
\- “Please don’t try to poison yourself before the baby is born.”

Her hand went over her stomach instinctively and she looked at him angry.  
\- “I was trying to be nice and you mock me for it.”  
\- “I know, I’m sorry."   
He hugged her quickly and left his hands on her waist and looked at her belly even if her pregnancy was yet to truly show. "Don’t you worry. I won’t let Mommy poison you.”  
\- “Hey! What am I supposed to do if I’m here all day by myself?”  
\- “Pick up a hobby. Other than cooking. And you won’t be by yourself much longer.”  
\- “What kind of stay-at-home-mom doesn’t cook for their kids?”  
\- “You.” He smirked and Perona snorted. “Has it really been that bad?” He looked a bit worried.  
\- “No, not really. I don’t miss having scuffles over bad work times. I’ve actually gotten used to this care-free lifestyle. You treat me like a princess.”  
\- “Leave everything to me and just say if something vexes you, my lady.”  
\- “You know I will. Horo Horo Horo! You’re fussing again.”  
\- “I just want you to be happy.”

She placed her hands over his and smiled.

\- “I’m already happy. I can’t see a single worry in our life that we can’t solve together.”  
\- “Except your bad cooking skills.”  
\- “Enough!”

—-

\- “Hey Zoro this is father. Fat-her. Can you say that to me?”

\- “Oi, he’s been to this world little over a month and you’re already asking him that.” Perona was mid-changing Zoros nappy. “And you’re his Daddy. I’m Mommy and you’re Daddy. Dad-dy. Can you say that to me?” She gave him the used diaper.  
\- “Ah, you’re very cruel.” He backed off to the kitchen. “Daddy, dad-dy. Not father, daddy.” He mumbled to himself and disposed of the hazardous package.

Perona had finally finished changing and was leaning towards Zoro giving him small kisses.  
\- “There much better. You sure love Mommy more, don’t you?”

Zoro let out a small hungry whimper.

\- “That is extremely unfair! Of course he loves you more, you just changed his diaper.”  
\- “You’re just a sore loser.” She showed him tongue and picked up Zoro. She carried him to the sofa, turned on the TV and laid into a comfortable position.

Soon he could hear the suckling sound he’d grown so familiar with. He chuckled and opened the fridge.  
\- “There’s only one pudding left. I’m sure there was more.”  
\- “I ate yours and the last one left is mine. Horo horo.”  
\- “How can you specifically eat mine when they’re all the same.”  
\- “You just know. It’s a mom thing.”

\- “It’s a mom thing,” he mumbled to himself mockingly and took the last pudding. “I’ll just eat yours then. Hey what’s this charred up thing in the fridge?”  
\- “It’s not ‘a charred up thing’. I’ve been practicing cooking when Zoro’s been asleep.”  
\- “Didn’t I tell you not to worry about cooking?”  
\- “Yeah, but I want to learn.”  
\- “Anything related to food and you can’t do it.” He chuckled and then froze. He’d gone too far this time and he knew it.

Perona turned slowly still feeding Zoro, but there were tears in her eyes and she looked at him with a great anguish. His heart broke into thousand pieces and he rushed to embrace her.

\- “I’m sorry, I was only joking, I didn’t mean to.”  
\- “You know it’s hard,” she was sobbing.  
\- “But you’ve gotten the hang of it now. Zoro’s weight is on the rise and he doesn’t cry for hunger like he used to.”  
\- “He always cries after I’ve fed him”  
\- “That’s because you cry. He feels that something is off and cries as well. Perona, you’re better than you think.”  
She smiled a little bit  
\- “I’m not.”  
\- “Is he crying now?”

She didn’t hear a single complaint and had to look down.  
Zoro was calmly looking at them both and then smiled the most beautiful smile the two of them had ever seen. They were delighted by this sudden show of affection. It might very well be his first real smile.

\- “Mommy can have the last pudding if you just smile for Daddy again.”

And Zoro did. The proud father looked up to the mother of his child with the most broadest of smiles and kissed her.

—-

\- “Aren’t you the drooliest little baby?” He laughed while wiping Zoro’s mouth.

They were out on a stroll. July was nearing it’s end and Zoros teething had started. They were heading back home talking on how the weather was going to get hot soon and if there was any summer festivities ahead.

He looked at Perona and smiled.  
\- “You know, I’m really happy.”  
\- “What all of a sudden? Did you get too much sun during the day?”

He laughed before continuing:  
\- “It’s just been a whole lot different than I thought. Better in fact. The year went by so fast. I can’t wait for the next.”  
\- “Definitely a sun stroke.”  
\- “It’s not.”

He grabbed her by the waist and spun her around. Something he just had to do when he was extremely happy. He did it when they found out she was pregnant. They had toppled over and she had to chastise him, that such roughhousing could make her miscarry.

\- “Put me down! Put me down, you fool.”

She laughed and hugged him tightly. He did and then kissed her long and passionate. She felt like they had to break off too soon, but they were in public after all.

\- “I feel like I don’t say this enough so here goes. I love you, Perona.”  
\- “You say that nearly every day, silly.”  
\- “I know, and it’s still not enough. I love you so much.”  
\- “I love you too, fool.”  
\- “And Daddy loves his little tiger-boy. A whole lot.” He pressed Zoros nose. “Buup!”

Zoro squealed happily.

\- “I know Mommy is the prettiest lady on earth, but you shouldn’t say it out loud, it’ll just get into her head.”  
\- “Horo horo. We should go home.”  
\- “Hey, you want some roasted almonds?”  
\- “You’re so unpredictable today. Really, you need them right now?”  
\- “Yeah, I think the market place nearby is still open. I have this craving for some roasted almonds and I’ll be nasty to you if I don’t get any.”

She laughed and gently swatted his head. It had been awhile that he had made a joke about her pregnancy cravings.

\- “Do you even have any money with you?”  
\- “As a matter of fact I do.”  
\- “Can you pick some milk on your way back? We’re running out.”  
\- “Sure.”

He grabbed a bag from Zoros stroller and turned to go.

\- “I shouldn’t be gone for long. So don’t start on the dinner without me.”  
\- “Don’t go jaywalking on that one road! You know how dangerous it is.”  
\- “I’ll be careful.”

He waved one single goodbye and then ran off.

—-

Zoro was busy gnawing on his wooden blocks. Perona felt guilty for eating the left-overs, but she had been hungry. He’d been gone for so long and she was getting worried. It was dark outside. She grabbed her phone and looked out the window while waiting for him to answer. Still there was no answer. It started to rain and she had to go around putting on lights.

Where is he?

She tried playing with Zoro. Maybe he had gone to visit his father. He lived close to that place, didn’t he? She called mr. Dracules house-phone. No answer.

Zoro tried getting her attention. She was so worried now. He never did something like this. She could always get a hold of him.

The rain was getting stronger and she could hear the low rumbling of thunder. Zoro squealed and crawled into her arms. She tried her best to comfort him, but it was hard when she was so worried herself.

Then the phone rang. She rushed to it with Zoro in a tight hug. He was scared and crying hard. She didn’t look who called when she answered the phone.

\- “Where have you been!? I’ve been worried sick and it’s raining!” Perona started to cry. “Idiot, why didn’t you answer my calls?”

There was silence on the other side. She had a bad feeling about it.

\- “Is this Roronoa Perona?” A womans voice answered her.  
\- “Yes.”  
\- “This is doctor Kureha from the General Hospital. With grave heart I must inform you that your husband has passed away in a car accident. Of course this must have come as a shock, but-”

Perona dropped the phone. She weakly grabbed onto Zoro not to drop him too and fell on her knees.

Her husband was gone.

—-

\- “Do you like the rain?”

Perona got startled and looked at Mihawk.  
\- “Not really. Why do you ask?”  
\- “You were just looking out of the window for so long.”  
\- “Ah no. I was just thinking.”

It was going to be the first Halloween after her husbands death. And it had made her think about him a bit more. She tried to be happy, but Mihawk didn’t really celebrate Halloween. What was the point since it wasn’t a custom in this country. But he humored her by letting her decorate.

\- “It was raining like this that day.”

Mihawk looked at her for a moment before he figured out the day she talked of.

\- “I had told him not to jaywalk and still he did. I can’t understand why he had to have such a rush every where. It was just milk and almonds. I could have waited.”  
\- “I don’t know if you’ve read it, but there is a pedestrian crossing now.”  
\- “That’s a bit too late now.” Perona replied bitter.  
\- “Yes for us, but it could prevent a tragedy like ours from happening again.”

Perona sighed.

\- “There was an out cry after his death. People were outraged because a young family man had died there and a crosswalk had not been built even after it had been constantly asked for.”  
\- “Why does someone have to die before anything is done?” Perona lamented.  
\- “I cannot understand it either. But I would like to think that a little bit of good came out of his death.”  
\- “Pappa,” Zoro demanded holding a wooden block.  
\- “Yes, of course.”

Perona looked at Mihawk then out again. She sighed.

\- “Where were you that day? I tried to call.”  
\- “I was out of country. I actually returned about three days after.” He paused for a moment. “I’m thankful that you invited me to the funeral.”  
\- “Of course I did. It was out of question not to. Hmph!”  
\- “It’s just, you didn’t like me back then.” His voice was quiet and sad.  
\- “I didn’t know you back then. But I gave you a chance, didn’t I.”  
\- “I was scared… that you wouldn’t.”

Perona turned to face Mihawk. He was trying to play with Zoro, but his face was gloomy and dark. He looked rather frail at that moment. It was easy to forget, that Mihawk too was in the mid of mourning process.

\- “We’re here now. And it’s been good, right?”  
\- “I really don’t know what I would have done without you.”

He looked so sad, almost as if he was going to cry. Perona remembered what Shanks had said back at the diner. How Mihawk had been a mess.

\- “When he-” she begun to ask.  
\- “Pappa!” Zoro slammed a soft ball against Mihawks face.  
\- “Zoro, not on Pappas face, please.”

He scolded Zoro and took the ball from him. Zoro giggled and toddled a bit further away from him before sitting down on the floor.

-“Are you ready?”

Zoro held his hands high up and grinned showing the few small teeth he got. Mihawk made the ball roll towards him and he slammed his hands against the ball making it stop. Mihawk gave him a small applause and Zoro threw the ball back to him as hard as he could, but it stopped midway. He inched a bit closer and rolled the ball back to Zoro who then rolled it back to him. Perona looked them play. She could talk to Mihawk later.

\- “Can Mommy play too?” She asked with a finger on her mouth.  
\- “I don’t know. It’s a bit of a boys game.”  
\- “Humbug, make way.”

She joined in and for a moment she could forget her troubling thoughts.


	13. All Hallows' Eve II

Perona fiddled with her cup. She had indulged herself and gotten a pumpkin-spice-latte for the halloween evening. But she couldn't really enjoy it. She wanted to talk more about the day of the accident. Mihawk walked into the kitchen. He had fed and put Zoro to sleep while she had gotten the drinks. She offered him a cup, content was exactly the same as hers. Mihawk tasted it.

\- "Not bad."

He looked around at the excessive Halloween decorations everywhere.

\- "You are going to clean this up right?"

She grinned, but quickly turned serious again.

\- "I've been wanting to ask... Ever since that talk with Shanks..." She couldn't find the right words.  
\- "About how I was back when he died?"  
She nodded curtly.

He had been waiting for this.

\----

Mihawk was driving home from the airport. On a side of the road there was candles and flowers. He shook his head. It had been a matter of time. People would regularly jaywalk on that spot because of the poor placing of crossings.

He opened the door to his house. He could see the voice mail light on. He took his time to get his clothes off and took his luggage up. Probably something work related again or Shanks making a drunk call. He went and got a class of wine. And finally checked what he had got.

\- "Woo, Haawkyyh! I need- I nedd- Dammit. I need your wings, wingman. Aaanswer! I know you're homeeeeee, homie."

Mihawk chuckled at Shanks stammering, then deleted the message.  He played the next recording.

\- "Mr. Dracule... It's me, Roronoa Perona. Your son's wife... Something-" she broke into incoherent sobbing and the record ended before she could finish. Mihawk was petrified. He replayed it a couple of times before moving onto the next one.

\- "I just- it's important. Please call."

He checked if there were others, but hers was the last one. He grabbed the phone as fast as he could and picked the last caller. He steadied his breath and kept his calm. He didn't know what had happened. Might be nothing after all. Finally a weak voice answered.

\- "Roronoa Perona."  
\- "This is Dracule Mihawk. You asked me to call."

\----

He was running. He had never ran so fast. Even at the running competitions at school he hadn't been so fast. Finally he stopped. There he was at that road. He looked at the candles and flowers, picking up his breath. Nothing. Not once was his name mentioned. Just some generic messages. "You were too young. You'll be missed." He had no idea who had left the flowers. Had it been his wife, friends or just the people living in this street.

Mihawk slumped. It was real. His little boy was gone.

He was back at the house. Desperate he called Shanks and told him the news. Shanks said not to do anything rash, just wait for him, but the pain was unbearable. He just wanted it to be gone.

And there was only one way he knew of.

He opened a bottle and poured a glass after a glass and soon he lost count. He was angry. The most important thing in his life stolen away so suddenly. He threw a potted flower against a wall. Nothing felt real anymore. He opened a new bottle.

\----

\- "Shit, shit."

It had took him longer than he thought and he wished that Mihawk was okay. Shanks rang the doorbell. No answer. He tried the handle. Unlocked. The house was a mess. Papers, books, empty bottles, mud all over the floor. He went from room to room until he got to the study. There on his own vomit laid Mihawk.

\- "Fucking idiot!"

He rushed to Mihawks side and looked at him. The smell was horrible and Mihawk was pale. Shanks moved Mihawk away from the vomit and stuck his fingers into his mouth trying to scrape any excess out. Once he was sure Mihawks airways were clear enough, that he wouldn't choke, he called an ambulance.

Mihawk woke from a hospital bed. Shanks was looking at him angry.

\- "I told you to wait. That we would talk it over." He shook and looked at him bitterly. "Every single time."

Mihawk looked away. He was tired and his insides were burning.  
He wanted to die, but Shanks wouldn't let him. Instead he drove him back home to face the mess he had made. Shanks had cleaned up the vomit the best he could, but hadn't touched anything else. Mihawk looked at the stained carpet. He felt sick. Not because of the smell, but because of the memories related to the carpet. His son squealing of joy when he crawled towards him. How he had taught him to walk. When they took naps there in the summer heat. Looking at old photo albums, teaching him to read. It all came back to him.

What was the point anymore? His only reason to live didn't exist anymore. He had failed as a father. He couldn't keep his son safe.  
Mihawk had never wanted to die more than he did now.

The house phone started ringing. Mihawk didn't want to answer. He heard Shanks answering it in his stead.

\- "Mihawk, it's your daughter-in-law!"

He slowly made his way to the phone and answered with just a yes. Shanks rolled his eyes.

\- "Hey, I called you about the funeral." Her voice was feeble and powerless.

Mihawk wrote the date, time and location, but he had no intention of going. He was dead set on ending his life once Shanks was gone.

\- "I really hope you can make it." A child started crying in the background. Perona let out a long exhausted sigh. "I'm sorry. I have to go."

Mihawks eyes widened. How had he forgotten Zoro, his tiny little grandchild, now an orphan. And Perona. How hard it must be for her to loose her husband so suddenly, someone who had promised to provide and protect her and their baby. Mihawk put the note in a safe place and looked at Shanks with new found determination.

\- "Help me clean."

\----

Mihawk couldn't help feeling anxious. People seemed to be giving him dirty looks. A father who wouldn't cry for his child. A father who chose work over his son. They made him feel angry. Of course he was grieving he just never had been good in showing his feelings. And he felt guilty. Guilty that he had not been there for him enough. Guilty that he had gone with his career even if his son had given his blessing. Mihawk had missed too much because of it and there would be no second chances. Not anymore.

He saw Perona and his anxiety rose. He needed this, but the chances of success were slim. He knew from talking with his son, that Perona didn't quite like nor trust him. It was understandable. It would take all of his training to appear as trustworthy as he could. There were no chances at the funeral. She was too devastated. It had to be done at the memorial.

She was sitting at the kitchen table with Zoro in her arms. She looked so tired. Zoro slept quietly with his thumb in his mouth. How did this all affect him? Her eyes drooped a bit. It was clear that she was fighting sleep. He sat in front of her. She didn't seem to notice him at first, just kept nodding off silently. He felt bad that he couldn't let her sleep. He fiddled with his thumbs a bit before speaking.

\- "Excuse me, Mrs Roronoa."

She slowly got focused and looked at Mihawk. He could see her struggle a bit before she recognized him.

\- "Mr Dracule."

He was terrified. This little girl held all his life strings in her hands and she didn't even know it. He straightened his back and didn't let his emotions slip. He absolutely needed to succeed.

\- "The service was beautiful and the place you chose as well. Thank you."

She nodded and seemed to be falling asleep again.

\- "I'm sorry I couldn't be here earlier. I wish I could have said farewell to him." He felt something stung his heart, but didn't let it show outwards. Perona seemed more alert now.  
\- "It was something so unpredictable. For almonds and milk."

She seemed focused and awake enough. He wasn't sure how she would react but he had to ask.

\- "What future plans do you have?"

Her looks were a mix of desperation and anger when she told him her future financial problems. And he felt excited. It was shameful of him, but having to move out was perfect for him. She had more the reason to say yes. Little bit of hope settled in his heart. But he wouldn't show her how he felt. That would ruin everything. So he kept his act.

\- "Life will be hard on you, I'm sorry."

Disbelief. He swore in his mind. Of course she wouldn't believe his truthfulness. He must have sounded gross to her. But she seemed to slightly believe him as well. So he finally asked her:

\- "I know we do not know each other well, but if you do not mind, you could come live with me."

She was visibly surprised. It was time to show the appeal of his offer.

\- "I have a large house and I am wealthy enough to take care of you and your son. You could stay as long as you want. My son," he felt disgusted at himself for using his son like this, but he wouldn't be doing this if he had not died," he would want that."

It seemed to do the trick. She was deep in thought. He left her his card. He desperately wanted her to say yes and his desperation slipped into his demeanor. He swore again, but her reaction seemed to indicate that the effect was positive.

\- "Of course. You are Zoros grandfather."

He felt selfish and gross.

\----

Perona was silent. He'd gotten over and over in his head how to explain himself. But every time, he found his reasoning selfish. So he had told it as it had been. She should be angry at him, he deserved it. But she looked sad.

\- "I wanted to die too, back then. I would have had gladly changed places with him."

She sniveled.

\- "I never thought it hit you so hard. It's just the way you keep hiding your emotions. It's not good for you. You shouldn't suffer by yourself. I'm so thankful that you told me." She looked at him and smiled.  
It was a new kind of smile she gave him. A warm smile he had seen her give to Zoro, Moria and her late husband. It was a smile of pure love.

\- "It- it was good to tell you."

He felt a sudden rush of relief. Had it really been bothering him this much? He drank his latte and looked out in the darkness. He didn't feel deserving of such love. How can she ignore how selfish he was.

\- "You're not angry? I was selfish and manipulated you."  
\- "No. I can't say my reasoning to move here was that pure either. So we're even. I guess we were equal in desperation."

Mihawk chuckled and smiled a surprised but pleased smile. He felt great. Extremely good. He looked at the Halloween decorations on the windowsill and got an idea. He went to a lower cupboard and looked around a bit. Perona looked at him with curiosity. He pulled out three white candles and a lighter. He set them on the windowsill and looked at Perona.

\- "It is said that on Halloween the veil between the mortal realm and the realm of the dead gets thinner. Spirits can pass to us and we might be able to feel them move."

Peronas eyes sparkled as Mihawk spoke. It was weird and exciting seeing him like this.

\- "On the first of November we pay our respects to our dead." He gave her a sly smile. "I'll light a candle now so that our beloved might find their way here and maybe they'll even pay us a visit. A candle for my mother"

He lit the first one.

\- "For my father."

The second. He hesitated before the third one and looked at Perona. She rose up and put her hand over his.

\- "A candle for a son, husband and a father."

Together they lit the last one.

\----

She couldn't sleep. She wanted to, but couldn't.

She had seen a dream off her husband. In it everything had been like it used to be, but his face had been distorted and faded. His voice muddled and dull. A nightmare.  
She woke up and was certain an evil spirit had visited her in her sleep. She quickly looked at an old video of him feeding Zoro and chuckling as the baby burped loudly. Tears rose to her eyes, but she felt relieved, having pushed away the faded version of him in her dream. Finally after rolling in her bed for who knows how long, she decided to take a walk.

Zoro was asleep and shouldn't wake up in hours. She snuck up stairs and listened through the door. She couldn't hear anything so most likely Mihawk too was asleep. The whole house was silent. She went to put on her jacket. There hung three reflector vests. One tiny for Zoro and two medium-sized for her and Mihawk. He had bought himself one because he always went jogging when it was dark. He had bought ones for Zoro and Perona just in case they wanted to go out during the dark. Perona looked at hers with disgust. It wasn't a very fashionable thing to wear. She sighed and put it on. She didn't want Mihawk to scold her if he was awake when she would return.

It was near freezing outside. She shivered, but kept going. Walking would soon drive the cold away. The lamps were dim and at places there were no lights at all. It was very early. The whole neighborhood was asleep. No shop would open in hours. Only the bakery had lights on, but their doors were still locked. She walked past the market place, eerily open during winter. There were no signs that it even was a market place. Just a wider walking street.

Finally she reached the road. A car would pass her seldom. Even during the night it was much used. She looked around and sure enough there had been built a pedestrian crossing right at the spot where her husband had been run over. There was nothing special about it, just that it was new. She sighed. She really wanted to think that something good had come out of it, but being at the place, it didn't feel like it. She turned back to walk home, but decided to take the longer way. She was rarely outside at this hour so she might as well enjoy it. After half-an-hour of walking the sky started to became lighter. She could see better around her. There were few other people who seemed to like Halloween too. Carved pumpkins outside and decorations in the window. It was small, but she liked it.

Walking could keep the cold gone for so long and she was starting to get cold again. It was best to head back.

She got in and to her surprise Mihawk was getting ready to go on his run. He didn't seem to be surprised to see her. He eyed her over and seemed pleased. Perona did the same to him. It amazed her, how form fitting his clothing was and that he still wouldn't get cold. He wasn't even wearing a hat. Maybe she looked ridiculous to him in her thick jacket, mittens, scarf and wool hat.

\- "Morning. You're up early."  
\- "I went to check out that crossing you talked of yesterday."  
\- "What do you think?"  
\- "I guess better late than never. I can't understand how you're able to go jogging before work. Don't you need sleep too?"  
\- "I sleep at work."  
She looked at him blankly. It did sound like something he might do.  
\- "That was a joke." He looked a bit embarrassed failing to sound funny.  
\- "Horo horo. Want something for breakfast? I can make something before going back to sleep."

Perona yawned a bit. Mihawk looked at her for a moment.

\- "There's some blue berries in the fridge. Will you make something with those?"  
\- "Of course. Have a nice jog."

Perona was delighted. She didn't get to make him breakfast very often so having the chance to do so felt good. Zoro would still be sleeping for an hour before morning feed. She set a small cup of blueberries aside for him. He liked them a lot, but didn't eat them often because of the mess and the tummy-ache he got later if he ate a lot.  
She had finished a batter for pancakes when the door went. Weird he was back so soon. But the person who appeared by the kitchen door wasn't Mihawk.

\- "You!" Her hair rose at the back of her neck. She could never forget that red hair.  
\- "Ah, that's kind of rude." Shanks looked surprised.  
\- "You're the one trespassing."  
\- "I forgot that you live here. Is Mihawk home?" He scratched the back of his head. Perona now noticed a scar over his eye. It was fresh.  
\- "Mihawk will be back a bit later. Morning jog. What happened to your face?"  
\- "Nothing of importance." He shrugged. "What are you making?"  
\- "Blueberry pancakes."  
\- "Blueberries are the best. Make enough for me too. Oh, can I have these?"

He picked up Zoros cup, but Perona took it back quickly.  
\- "Not for you. Zoros." She hissed.  
\- "Where is the little man? I want to see him."  
\- "No, he's sleeping."

Shanks looked a bit hurt, but lightened a bit and sat down by the table. Perona started to fry the pancakes.

\- "How has it been?"  
\- "Good."  
\- "Mihawk haven't caused trouble for you?"  
\- "Not at all."

She felt that she was the one causing him trouble.

\- "Has he told you about uh- the thing I mentioned?"  
\- "He told me how he was back then. When he heard of the accident."  
\- "That's great. I was afraid he might not. He's not the sharing type. Part of how he was grown up."  
Perona shrugged and Shanks was silently thinking about something.  
\- "Has he told you about-"  
\- "I don't think he would like for you to go blabbering about his things. He'll tell me whatever he thinks necessary when the time comes."  
\- "Are you sure?"  
\- "Yes. He'll speak when he's ready."

She wasn't sure, but whatever Shanks was going to say she didn't want to hear it. Mihawk had the right to keep information about his life private.  
Shanks relaxed a bit and smiled.  
\- "You like him a lot, don't you?"  
\- "Of course I do. He's Zoros grandfather and my father-in-law."  
\- "You know, you don't have to like a person because of family ties. It's how they are and what they do that makes you like them. And I can see that you really like Mihawk a lot." Shanks smiled gently.  
\- "Now you're talking silly."  
\- "I'm just happy there's more people that like him. He doesn't admit it, but he needs friends as well."  
\- "True, but you're an odd one."  
\- "Just a very good friend."

She gave Shanks the first pancake.

Now she was bothered. If she and Zoro were Mihawks reason to live, why was he so dead set on having them move out at some point. She understood that she should be able to live without him, but did she really need to? It made more sense to have two adults in the same household. And if she found someone new, she would just move in with them at some point. Of course after making sure Mihawk would be fine by himself.

She quickly smoothed her wedding band and apologized. What on earth had she been thinking? No-one could be as dear as her late husband. He was irreplaceable. Just like Mihawk.  
Perona kept cooking silently.

\- "Mmm, yummy."  
\- "Re-really?" She was amazed.  
\- "It's really good. Can I have a second?"  
\- "Not yet. Wait till Mihawks back."  
\- "Shucks."

\- "Mama." A quiet whimper came from the other room. Shanks bounced up ready to go, but Perona stopped him.

\- "You can stay here and cook these." She pointed to the batter and pan.  
\- "Sorry. I guess old habits die hard." Shanks smiled and started cooking.

Perona went by Zoro who was standing leaning to the rim of his crib. He rubbed his eyes and looked like he was going to cry, but got visibly happier when he saw his mother. Perona lifted him up and kissed him.

\- "Good morning, Zoro."  
He looked happy, but a bit miserable too.  
\- "Time to change nappy, yes?"

Zoro was nearly one and a half year old now. It might be time to start potty training him. She would have to ask Mihawk. When she had changed the diaper and put him into day clothes she carried him to kitchen. Zoro was surprised to see Shanks.  
\- "This is Shanks. He is one of Pappas friends. Say hi to him."  
\- "Hey there Zoro."  
Zoro hid his face into Peronas neck. She gently turned him to face Shanks. Finally with a little encouragement he waved at him with his fingers.  
\- "He is adorable. Which side of the family does that green hair come from?"  
\- "The Boas."

Shanks looked a bit sour hearing the name. Perona explained to him about the meeting and how Hancock had changed. While doing so she prepared Zoros formula and Shanks kept making the pancakes, munching on one as he listened to her. Finally Mihawk was home.

\- "I saw the luggage at the hallway. Are you going-" He looked terrified but it was quickly replaced by mortification when he saw Shanks beaming at him. "Never mind." He quickly disappeared and she could hear him go up-stairs. Shanks rushed after him.  
\- "Hey, wait up. I gotta speak to you."

Perona was left in the kitchen by herself. She took the pan. The amount of pancakes was staggering and she was going to make more. How much batter had she prepared?

\----

Mihawk looked at Shanks annoyed. Shanks leaned at the doorway grinning.

\- "I have to take a shower, so if you won't mind..." He tried to sound as displeased as he could. But the red hair just grinned, closed the door and jumped onto Mihawks bed.  
\- "I won't mind at all."  
Mihawk sighed and started to undress.

\- "She seems really nice. Thinks highly of you. I heard you told her about what happened."  
Mihawk nodded.  
\- "She asked."  
\- "So it wasn't your initiative. You'll have to be more open, alright."  
\- "She said the same thing." Mihawk thought of the smile she had given him last night and felt warm. It was nice to be loved like that again.  
\- "Just be careful."

Mihawk raised his brow. Shanks looked serious.

\- "It's changed, the way you two look when you talk of each other."  
\- "Of course. Were much better friends now. I'd say we've become a family." He didn't like what Shanks was suggesting.  
\- "No matter what you think the bond between you two is unstable. One small thing might turn it from filial to something completely different."  
\- "I'm not falling in love with her." He knew he should keep his distance. For more reasons than just his son.  
\- "What if she falls in love?"

Mihawk chuckled. What a ludicrous idea. She herself had said she wouldn't and Mihawk had been relieved to hear it. And even if she did he would be the last person she would even consider.

\- "What if she wants to marry someone you don't know?"

Mihawk froze. The idea bothered him, but he didn't know why. Was it because he saw her untouchable, because she was his sons wife. Or because Zoro might call someone else his Dad than Mihawks son. No, something else about the idea sickened him. He shook his head. Shanks was playing with him again.

\- "You must have come here for some other reason than the relationship between me and my in-law."  
\- "Oh yeah!" Shanks pointed at his scar. "Do I have a cool story for you, my friend."

Mihawk rolled his eyes and strode to the bathroom. Shanks followed him like a lap dog.

\----

\- "You're slowing me down. I'll be late this way."

Mihawk had been waiting for the breakfast by Perona. But having to listen Shanks and answer him, was slowing him down considerably. Though he felt at ease with the man he still needed to think what he was going to say. Shanks was a blabber mouth and Mihawk knew it.

He took one of the pancakes and munched on it. Perona looked at him expectantly, but he couldn't stay put to give her his opinion. She rose up. Was she going to squeeze it out of him? But she didn't follow him.  
When he was about to leave with Shanks she came by the door. She was holding something behind her back.

\- "It was good, you've gotten better."  
The compliment cheered her up and she held out a lunch box for him.  
\- "We made so many so I thought you'd want to take some with you."

Shanks grinned and showed her thumb. Mihawk couldn't quite fathom his agenda. He accepted the pancakes and left with Shanks. Shanks put his things into Mihawks car. He had somehow convinced him to give him a ride home.

\- "I hope you didn't put any funny ideas in her head. You've caused quite enough ruckus already."  
\- "Me never. I'm just looking out for my best friend."

Mihawk sighed. He didn't know what but it was certain that Shanks had stirred up something in Peronas head.

\- "Hey, Hawky."  
\- "What?"  
\- "It's okay to be happy sometimes. It's not a crime."

Mihawk snorted. He truly didn't get Shanks most of the time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longish chap. Originally was one chapter with part 12 but I decided to cut 'em.
> 
> It's so easy to forget, that those around us who seem to not suffer, can be hurting too.
> 
> Also Shanks is a really good plot forwarding character. Is the story stagnating? Add Shanks. Is this war thing going on forever? Add Shanks. Are these two buttheads too stubborn to realize things about each other on their own? Add Shanks. How do I prove that this guy is actually a good guy? Add Shanks.


	14. Dull and dry

\- "How can two bad apples create someone so gentle and caring?"

Perona chuckled as she set up for a punch line. Hancock looked at her offended and Mihawk just shrugged.

\- "Two negatives cancel each other out."

She laughed, Mihawk seemed amused and Hancock even chuckled a little. Her husband, Dragon, smiled seeing her loosen up a bit. They were visiting with Ace. December had started and they would be abroad for the rest of the year. Ace had insisted they visit so he could give Zoro his gift in person. It had been a stuffed tiger and Zoro had been extremely excited. He didn't quite know how to express his thanks to Ace, for he was too small, but Ace understood.

\- "He's an idiot." He had said as he hugged Zoro.

The adults had talked while on looking their play, when the talk had trailed off towards her late husband. Perona found it funny how her husband had been so different from his parents. Hancock wasn't the most caring person, but she was out-going. And Mihawk was a lawyer which made him evil by default. Somehow they had given birth to the most perfect human she could imagine.

When Hancock, Dragon and Ace had left, Mihawk had looked weird. So Perona asked if something was bothering him.

\- "He wasn't perfect. But he thought a lot about how other people felt around him. And made an effort to please others. He doubted himself a lot and was scared people might abandon him. It was painful at times to follow, how he tried hiding all his insecurities and flaws just so people would like him.."  
\- "I know that."  
\- "I don't know if you knew, but he had doubts about you too. He struggled constantly with the concept of you being a mother. Even after Zoro had been born, he was hesitant and needed me to confirm that you were in fact a good mother."

Perona had known he had issues with his mother and he had told her about his hesitation, but she thought they had solved all of them before Zoros birth.

\----

\- "She's amazing and yet I'm afraid. Afraid she is doing this just for me not because she wants to, but because I asked her to. I'm scared she'll leave like... mother." His voice was a mix of bitterness and regret.

\- "Have you spoken to her of these fears?" Mihawk felt responsible that his son's image of motherhood and mothers had become so distorted.

\- "Yes, and she insists she wants this too and I know she speaks the truth, but still there's a voice in the back of my head telling she'll leave as well." He sounded miserable. Mihawk wanted to talk in person, but again he was on a business trip. He wanted to be more with him, but also didn't want to intrude. He had the right to live his own life.

\- "Your situation is completely different. You've had the time to live together and get to know each other... I wish I could get rid of these feelings for you."

\- "It's alright, father. Just talking helps."

They ended the call soon after and Mihawk sighed. He knew that his son was going to call him again about this same issue.

\----

Mihawk refrained from using the door bell, instead he send his son a text. Soon he was let inside by him. The fresh father quickly snuck back to the bedroom. Tough they had tried to avoid it, the door had woken up the child. He followed him to get a peek of the little one, not wanting to bother the child or the mother, but his son was carrying the baby to the living room.

\- "Hush now. Daddy will do something about that loud door, don't you worry." He smiled a beaming smile at his father. "Here is Zoro, my little boy wonder."

He passed the baby onto Mihawk who gently smiled at the tiny little thing. He took great care to remember every detail. The tiny button nose, the little fingers, tufts of green hair, how the skin felt like the finest velvet. He was enamored by the small being, just like he had been years earlier holding his own little boy.

\- "Sit down." His son seemed to overflow with pride. "You're not in rush, right?"

He wasn't. Son went to prepare something in the kitchen. Probably some formula for Zoro. Foot steps and a soft yawn, his small wife had arrived in the room.

\- "I knew there were guests here. Good morning mr. Dracule"

Mihawk nodded back at her. She was barely wearing anything just a large dress shirt. She yawned again and went to kiss her husband a good morning.

\- "Why are you doing that nasty stuff? You know Zoro hates it."  
\- "I just thought you might want to sleep a bit longer."  
\- "It's alright. I'll go feed him now."

She walked to Mihawk and stretched out her arms. He gently handed Zoro back to her. She was going to walk back into the bedroom when her husband stopped her.

\- "Where are you going? You can do it right here, I'm sure father wont mind."  
\- "Ah, well..."Perona looked uncomfortable.  
\- "Really now. Don't be shy."

She looked flustered and didn't move. She looked down and then at Mihawk for help.

\- "It's alright. You can go." Mihawk could see how uncomfortable she was and let her leave.

She sighed in relief and disappeared into the bedroom. His son sat next to him with two cups of coffee.

\- "I really wanted you to see what a good mother she is," his voice was silent and sad.  
\- "It's an intimate moment between a mother and a child. Some people are comfortable doing it in front of others and some need peace to do it. It would be wrong to force her. Were not exactly friends."  
\- "You just don't know each other. Really she could have-"  
\- "Son you don't need to prove me anything. She seems like a fine mother to me. Just stay open with her and it should be fine."  
\- "Are you sure?"  
\- "Yes, I know it's scary being a parent. Now that you are one, maybe you understand your own mother a bit better now."

His son looked at him silently. There was remorse, anger and most of all sadness in his eyes.

\- "I should apologize to Perona. For doubting her all the time."

Mihawk smiled and petted his sons head. Even if he was a father now, he would still remain his little boy.

\----

\- "Of course we were both disappointed at ourselves. Zoro was a little bit early and my body wouldn't do it's job. People and media always praise breast feeding and how natural and powerful it is. No one warned us of how hard it could be. I felt like I had failed at the first steps. He dealt with it by joking all the time. We were terrified. Zoro was so small and fragile. I just wish he could have been more open with me. I had the same fears as he did."

She took a small breather. It hurt to talk about this. It felt like a taboo.

\- "We were just two kids from broken families. All we wanted was ours to be normal. Look how that turned out." She laughed bitter.

\- "I'm sorry." Mihawk sounded miserable. Like it had been his fault.

She started to feel angry. There wasn't a single thing he could have prevented. He couldn't have prevented Hancock from getting a depression. It wasn't his fault that it went unnoticed for so long. Back then talking about mental problems was considered a taboo. It wasn't his fault that he continued living when his son didn't need him as much anymore. It wasn't his fault she and Zoro had problems with feeding. It wasn't his fault her husband didn't fully trust her. It wasn't his fault that there wasn't a crossing at the right spot or that his son chose to jaywalk.

\- "Not everything is your fault."  
\- "I know."

But Perona knew that he didn't. He seemed to love suffering.

\- "You're annoying."  
\- "What?"  
\- "Super annoying. Life is not a sentence you have to suffer through. You live it and try to be as happy as possible."

Mihawk looked at her. He was visibly upset. He rose up and left the room without a word. She was upset too. She was angry at how stubborn he could be. But soon he returned to the room. He still looked angry.

\- "There's this office Christmas-party next Friday. Everyone expects me to show up, but I couldn't be bothered less. There's these annoying women always trying their luck with me and it's quite bothersome. And everyone there is bone dry and dull."  
\- "What does this have to do with anything?"  
\- "Go there with me. If you're there it will be completely different. And if were not having a good time there let's slip and do something else. A game hall, anything!"

Mihawks eyes seemed to sparkle and Perona looked at him dumbfounded. His conviction seemed to falter a little before her silence, but he continued.

\- "Show me how to be happy."  
She was still silent.  
\- "You and Zoro have been the only people in the longest while who have made me feel that happiness is something I can have. And we do not need Zoro to have a good time. You're almost like a daughter to me."  
\- "Pappa?" Zoro looked at him from the ground. Hearing his name be said so loudly made him think he was being called, so he stopped playing with the tiger.  
\- "Ah, it's nothing Zoro. Pappa is trying to convince Mommy. What do you say, Perona?"  
\- "Pappa?" Zoro was grabbing onto his leg and standing up. He didn't understand what was going on. Pappa was acting so weird.  
\- "Pappa was not calling you. Please continue your play." His conviction was now in shambles. He couldn't go on.

Perona started laughing. Mihawk felt like he had made a fool of himself and facepalmed.

\- "Alright, I'll go with you. Let's show those boring oldies what fun is."

She went to hug Mihawk who tried pushing her away.  
\- "Won't you give your daughter a hug old fool?"  
\- "No." He was embarrassed. He wanted to disappear.  
\- "This is part of living stupid. Loving your family."

Mihawk stilled and let her hug him. He slightly petted her head.

\- "I can be a daughter to you, but you're not my father, ok? That place is reserved for Moria only." Suddenly her eyes sparked up. "By the way, where are we going to spend Christmas and New Year? Can we go to him? There's not a lot of lights so if we get fireworks they'll show up nicely."  
\- "Fine." He was going to get a bed for Zoro as a present to Moria. No excuses.

She smiled and knelt down to Zoro who was all mixed up.

\- "Don't worry about Pappa or Mommy. Were starting to move on and be happy."

Zoro didn't get it, but he smiled happily back at her. The people around him were weird, but they were his people.

\----

\- "You know father, we're running late."

Mihawk knew that. He had taken his sweet time getting ready and had driven extra slow, because he hated family dinners like these. You have to act to a bunch of strangers that you are interested in them and after it you'll hardly ever see them again. He did that enough at work. But his son had insisted. That it meant a great deal for him and his girlfriend. Girlfriend he seemed to adore above anything.  
So Mihawk had bent. What harm could it do? As long as he wasn't going to be doing this with every girl he could do it. And from the sounds of it this might be the only one for his son. Obsessive passionate love, that he had gotten from his mother.

They parked and started walking towards the restaurant. The headwaiter told them that part of their entourage had already arrived. His son took his coat and hat to take them to the coat rack while he had the joy of walking to the table by himself. It was easy to know which one was theirs. A very tall man was sitting in it wearing gothic fashion. Next to him a small girl with two pink ponytails. It was just two people which made Mihawk relieved, even though their attire seemed to draw attention. He was going to introduce himself, but didn't quite get to the table. He was stunned by the girl. She had stood up and was approaching her step so light she nearly floated. She was wearing a red dress with white shirt. It had frills and was modest, but still in that gothic lolita fashion his son had warned him about. She had white stockings and red shoes that shone. But what had truly captivated Mihawk was her smile. A smile that could only be described as pure love. And he was slightly jealous, because the smile wasn't meant for him, but to his son now standing next to him.

\- "Hey father close your mouth. If you get into the game I won't stand a chance."

His son had quietly chuckled before being embraced by the girl. Mihawk wondered if he could have ever stood a chance, because the love in that girls face didn't seem like the type he could ever receive from anyone. But most of all he was happy that his son had found someone who loved him so much. His joy had been indescribable when they had announced their engagement.

\----

\- "I remember that dress."

Mihawk muttered when he saw her. Perona looked at him amused. It was her most delicate dress meant to impress people with how modest and elegant she was. And by Mihawks reaction she knew that it still worked. He had just returned from taking Zoro to Moria. Moria of course had been in seventh heaven when he had told him they would be spending Christmas and new year there. Zoro too had been happy to see his darling "Buu" again. They had painstakingly taught him to call Moria "Buu" instead of "Poopoo". And Moria loved being called that and wasn't angry anymore to loose his self-chosen title as Pappa, since Buu was more unique.

Mihawk was wearing simple black suit with intricately detailed red vest under it, and she was slightly sorry that no-one would get to see it. She took him by the arm and grinned at their reflection in the mirror. They looked nice and condescending together.

\- "I still need to put my top coat on." Mihawk said as he shook her off.  
\- "I thought cold doesn't bother you?" She sneered while putting on her own coat.

 This December had been unusually cold. She felt it fitting since her husband was dead. The cold would get people to huddle together and appreciate each-other.  

\- "I'm not going to let my pride get the better of me. Besides we might have to be outside for long periods of time, since I'm not going to take the car."

She frowned at him. Not taking the car meant that Mihawk was planning to drink and after what he had told her, his drinking had started to bother her even if he didn't drink so often anymore.

He saw her frown and defended himself:

\- "It's only one or two glasses of wine. That is not enough to get me drunk senseless. You can drink too if you want."  
\- "It's not the getting drunk part that worries me."  
\- "This is not up to debate. If Shanks can deal with me drinking in moderation then so can you. Now, are we going or what?"

His voice and face were stern and she knew that he meant every word. She needed to be more careful with the topic in the future. Maybe try talk to Shanks about it. She shook the thought out of her head. It had to be with Mihawk. Going behind his back and she might loose his trust.

She sighed resigned and put on her delicate winter boots.

\- "So we going by buss then? Get that fresh winter air?"  
\- "God, no. Maybe after the party."

When they were in the taxi, Mihawk looked out of the window. It wasn't a rare treat for him, but he couldn't quite face Perona.

\- "Sorry." His voice was shaky and hesitant. "It's unfair of me to expect the same from you as from Shanks. We grew up together so he knows things you don't."  
\- "I understand. There are things that are hurtful so you can talk at your own pace. There are things I'm not comfortable talking with you too." Small pause and she added. "Yet."

He turned to her.  
\- "I really do want to have a good time."  
\- "So let's try to not dwell on the past even for one night." She punched his shoulder and grinned.

It was good to sometimes not think about anything and just have fun.

\----

When Mihawk had said it would be dull and dry, he had meant it. People were dressed up in suits and black cocktail dresses. Few brave ones, like Perona, had some colour on them, but they got disapproving glances from the other guests. They were drinking champagne and other fine drinks. The music was classical and forgettable. If you didn't know these people you would have a horrible time. Mihawk helped off her jacket and took it with his to the coat rack. Though the clerk tried to convince him to give the hat too, he declined.

\- "I like to keep it on since it drives some people crazy with disapproval." He said to her quietly.  
\- "I guess there's hope for you yet." She chuckled.

They nearly got to the hall when Mihawk made her stop.

\- "A mistletoe. Hope you're good at acting."  
\- "Wha-"

Before she could finish he had taken his hat as cover and taken hold of the back of her neck not to have her move away. He was so near she had to squint her eyes shut. Their noses would have touched had he not positioned himself a bit sideways towards her. Small moment and he let her go. He wiped his mouth at the back of his hand and put his hat back on. She glared at him angrily with a deep blush on her face. But then she felt like a thousand of icy spikes hit her back and she turned slightly to see a group of women shooting daggers her way.

\- "I think that was enough to make them let me be." Mihawk chuckled.  
Perona took him by the arm and as they walked off like an elegant couple she snarled at him.  
\- "Never do that again," her voice was vicious, but the face was angelic.  
\- "You're getting the hang of this rather quick." He had a sly smile.  
\- "I will not follow your evil footsteps." She squeezed her nails into his arm.

And Mihawk laughed.

But the party was still dull. And she was getting bored. They were talking to a bunch of his bosses, scary men with even scarier titles. Especially the man called Akainu was extremely scary and angry looking. He berated Mihawk for wearing a hat, but he seemed mostly amused by it. This was probably who he was talking of earlier.

Perona sighed a little and excused herself. She went to the rest room. She didn't quite understand what part of his job Mihawk enjoyed so much that he would go on trips and endless meetings. But when she came to think about, he hadn't been so involved with his work this fall and he wasn't giving any hints that he would start longer days again. Even his work phone rang less often. He seemed to be more interested in being at home. And what she had looked this night he had only one glass of wine half empty just to keep in his hand.

It made her happy. She was so happy to think that Mihawk enjoyed her and Zoros company. It made even less sense now that they would move away. They needed him and he needed them. Everyone was benefiting. And she didn't feel as lonely, because she knew that he understood the hurt she was going through. The holidays, Zoros little achievements, time passing and the fear of forgetting. She didn't want to think what it would have been like without him.

She glanced at the mirror to see a woman looking at her amused. Perona turned and wiped her eyes a bit.  
\- "I know these parties are absolutely dreadful. Did someone say something awful?"  
\- "Nothing of the sort I'm just tired." Perona corrected her pose and stood proud.  
The woman smiled and laughed.  
\- "You don't need to pretend. I can see that this is your first time to a party like this."  
\- "Is it so obvious?"  
\- "Yes. I'm Nico Robin, lawyer for the Baroque Works."  
\- "Roronoa Perona, just Dracule Mihawks escort."  
\- "Oh, I didn't think he'd actually ever get into a relationship again."  
\- "No no no! We're just family."  
\- "Hooh? What an odd thing to say." She snickered and Perona felt embarrassed. "Say, you don't mind me having a go then?"  
\- "Of course I do!" She stammered a little. "Because he doesn't -uh- want to."

Robin just laughed. It was clear she wasn't convinced and who would be after that show under the mistletoe.

\- "Hey, this might be a bit surprising, but you seem like the type of person who would enjoy a pug. It's a lovely breed and my employers dog just happens to be pregnant. Here's my card, call if you're interested. Have a goodnight."  
\- "You too." Perona stuttered and held the card.

She was flustered. Mihawk worked with such strange people.

She returned to him to see his glass replaced with a full one. She felt slightly disappointed, but concealed it. Instead she got herself a glass of champagne and drank it rather quick getting his attention. She took hold of his arm and acted extremely tired. He leaned a bit for her to whisper in his ear that she's seen enough of the party. He then promptly excused them, Perona faking excessive fatigue. And when they were far enough from the party both of them burst into laughter. Both talked of how fake and business oriented it had been.

\----

It was still rather early and they were at the heart of the city, so they decided it might be fun to checkout the local shopping center. It was crowded there. Christmas was the busiest season and it being Friday night didn't help. Perona grabbed Mihawks arm. He tried to shake her off, but her hold was firm.

\- "What is it?"  
\- "I don't want to loose you. You're harder to find in crowded areas than Moria."  
\- "You're not a small child. If we get separated just call my phone. It's that simple."  
\- "Let me hold your arm. It's comfy." She pressed her cheek against it.

Mihawk shook it a bit harder and she had to let go.

\- "Killjoy."

He just glared at her in reply.

They looked around stalls and shops. Perona found an adorable winter outfit for Zoro and one of those Care-Kumas. Mihawk looked at it long.

\- "Why did you choose the weirdest one? It looks like a priest."  
\- "I like it."  
\- "I think Zoro would appreciate this striped one more." He held one with a patchwork pattern and a lovely smile.  
\- "It's the main character so he already has one."  
\- "Ah, you're right. How about this one?" He held one pink with heart eyes and a wedding dress.  
\- "You can buy it too, but I'm definitely getting this one."  
\- "I'm pretty sure Zoro gets a bit scared every time he's on screen."  
\- "Nonsense."

They got him both in the end.

They were going to eat something when Perona remembered seeing something of interest earlier. A booth where they sold fan stuff for a certain historical drama about twelve master swords and a couple going around the country collecting them. She left Mihawk to wait by the restaurant since she might get a gift for him there. She found it and uncertain she tried to describe Mihawks favorite character. Luckily the owner knew which she meant and showed what he got. There was a scarf with a stylish triangular pattern that was distinct for the character. But when she was going to return to Mihawk, she was grabbed and pinned against a wall.

\- "Hello again." Trafalgar Law grinned.  
Perona was going to shout, but he silenced her quickly.  
\- "Look I'm sorry I've been shitty. I was drunk the last time. I really need to talk to you. Will you listen?"  
She nodded, but looked at him angry. He gave her a bit space and she slapped him.  
\- "Act like normal people! If you can't hold your liquor then don't drink."  
He held his cheek and glared at her.  
\- "You deserved it." She puffed her cheeks and crossed her arms.  
\- "Guess I did." He sighed. "It's really been rough without him. I miss him a lot."

Perona didn't reply, but her glare softened.  
\- "I just need someone who knew him to talk to. We don't need to meet face to face."

Law looked miserable and Perona felt pity for him.

\- "I'll think about it."

Once again he gave her his contact information and left. Perona squeezed the package with the scarf while breathing deeply. Maybe she shouldn't have promised him that, Law scared her a lot. She shook her head and hurried back to Mihawk who didn't seem worried at all. More than anything he was annoyed having to wait so long.

\----

They were walking back home. The buss didn't drive all the way home, but it didn't really bother them. She was walking on a brick wall that had started low, but was picking up height as they walked.

\- "So was I able to show you a good time?" Perona sneered.  
\- "I believe so." His smile felt different, but she couldn't quite point out why.  
\- "One lady said her boss has pug puppies coming up. Have you ever considered a dog?"  
\- "Never. Son was begging one when he was young, but I wouldn't have been able to take care of it." He looked a bit dismayed. "I hope you didn't promise anything because we're not getting one."  
\- "Aww." She chuckled. "Would have named it mini-Mihi."

They walked forward a bit, but Perona stopped when she realized the wall was too high to jump straight down.

\- "Scary."  
 Mihawk put the bags aside and opened his arms for her.  
\- "I'll catch you."  
\- "Really?"  
\- "Yes. You're light as feather so it's ok."

She let out a couple of shaky horos, but she trusted him, so she nodded. He counted to three and then she dropped down. He caught her and took a few steps not to tumble. They both laughed, but when she backed away, she looked miserably at Mihawk.

\- "When we talk about my and Zoros future, you always bring up moving out."  
\- "That is one possibility. I want you to choose what's best for you two."

He looked at her weirdly. Where had this come from? Did she have to right now? After such a fun night, she would want to part ways? He didn't want that, but he wanted her to be happy.

\- "Can one possibility be that we stay? Indefinitely. Forever if needed."

Yes! He wanted to shout it out loud, but refrained from doing so. He shouldn't be selfish. He thought for a moment what he should say. She was starting to take his silence as a no.

\- "It's good for Zoro to have two adults in the same household. And we've gotten so happy. If it's about money I'll get a job. Anything just please..."

She was starting to panic. He must surely hate her now, but she stopped when she saw him gently smile. It was calming.

\- "I want you to start studying again. You've lamented about not having the stomach to continue being a nurse anymore and I think you're smart and talented. There's a lot of schools to choose from in here so it wouldn't be impossible for you two to continue living with me. I want to support you if you let me."

She hugged him tightly burying her face against his chest. She sobbed and whimpered what he had wanted to say.

\- "Yes. Yes. Yes. Thank you."

He felt a lump in his throat and answered her embrace holding her tightly. He kissed the top of her head and whispered something in a foreign language she didn't understand and couldn't quite hear.

\- "Tack för din kärlek. Jag förtjänar den inte."

Whatever he had said, it must have been something sweet and caring. She hugged him a bit tighter before letting go. She took his hand and cheerfully said:

\- "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Picked up swedish because the place they live in is very loosely based in Finland so it kinda made sense to me. Besides swedish sounds more foreign to me even if I have learned it. Heck now-a-days it feels even more foreign than english :P.  
> "Kiitos rakkaudestasi. En ansaitse sitä."  
> "Thank you for your love. I don't deserve it."


	15. I miss spending Christmas with you

\- "How do you think we should spend our Christmas now that were married?"  
\- "Does it need to change somehow?"

He looked slight bit thoughtful as he laid on the sofa his hands behind his head and one leg over the other waving in the air. Until now both of them had spend their Christmases separate. Now it felt odd to do so. Or for him at least. He wanted to start making his own family traditions without forgetting the old ones.

\- "I know it's always a bit of a rush at Morias." He paused. "Ah never mind."  
\- "What?"  
\- "You know I want to spend Christmas with father so he wouldn't be lonely even if this one guy comes to visit now and then. But maybe there's enough space for two," he chuckled and corrected himself, "Three more people."  
\- "You, your father and...?" She didn't quite get it.  
\- "Ah well, you know." He blushed slightly and turned to his side facing the back of the sofa.

And it hit her. She snorted. How blissful those moments were when he kept pause from reminding her.

\- "I don't want a kid yet."  
\- "I know, but one day."  
\- "Might take long."  
\- "I'll be patient."

And she snorted again.

\----

\- "Yeah, we really wished you could come. You know with Zoro and all that's... Oh you can't? Do you- It's important. I understand. Maybe next year? Yeah. I love you too."  
\- "So he won't come?" Perona asked from the sofa as she was hushing their baby, who was having a tummy-ache.  
\- "Yeah, but there's always next year." He smiled and she sighed.  
\- "You said that last year."  
\- "But next year for sure."  
\- "Have you considered that he might not want to?"

He looked at her betrayed. Of course his father wanted to. He just wasn't able to.

\- "Sorry. Next year for sure. Whole family." She looked down at the baby still whining his sickness.  
\- "Next year." He nodded determined.

\----

When Perona had made Mihawk stop by the super-market and they had stuffed his car with toys, necessities and food, he couldn't understand why. She had told him there would be others, but surely not that many. But when they were there, he understood. There was a huge hustle. People went and came. Some stayed long and some only an hour. Some brought groceries with them and some were given. There were young people, old people, rich people, poor people. All sorts of people with different backgrounds, but they all shared one thing in common:

A huge gratitude towards Gekko Moria.

Perona told Mihawk that in the town they lived in there had been a factory and Morias family had been part of the owners. Nearly all of the townsfolk worked in the factory or they depended on it indirectly. But when the economy went down, the factory was closed. Moria had been well off and he could have lived with relative ease for the rest of his days, but he couldn't forget the townsfolk who had lost their main source of livelihood. So he started to work for the good of the people. He felt it was so rewarding, that he studied as a social worker. Many of the people would have gone under if not for his help. When asked if her parents had worked in the factory Perona had changed the subject quickly. She didn't like to speak of her biological family.

In the end Morias savings had been used leaving him and Perona scraping by. But he still kept helping others and those who now had it well for them helped him with donations so he wouldn't have to use his meager salary on that.

Perhaps because of his background Moria had disliked Mihawk, a person with all that money that comes from exploitation or so he said of every lawyer. And Moria had secretly been jealous to Mihawk for having the luxury of witnessing the first years of his sons life, something he did not get to do with Perona. But now-a-days with Zoro around he had got to enjoy being a grandfather and gotten to know Mihawk. He even liked him now.

\- "It'll be lonely here without him, but at least we have Mihawk in our family now." Moria had said joyfully when he welcomed them to his house.

The worn out house was now packed with groceries and items of all sort most of which would be gone by Christmas Eve. During Christmas Day it would be a lot less hectic because most of the people would be home with their families. But some stayed because Moria was considered part of their family.

They had one small room reserved just for them. It was not where they usually stayed but everywhere else was packed full or reserved to other. The three of them barely fit there together and Mihawk could just barely fit Zoros new crib inside. He could see now Morias reluctance to get one for Zoro. He was anxious having to share the same house with so many people he didn't know, but Perona seemed excited. Going around doing things and talking to the people she had learned through the years helped her deal with the crushing loneliness her late husband had left her with. There were some who gave her their condolences and she was dealing with them amazing. But mostly being busy kept her from thinking about the past.

Mihawk did not have such luck. He could not find the solace with taking care of Zoro because Moria nearly never let him out of his arms or it was Perona holding him calming him down when the amount of people became unbearable. He offered to help just to be denied outright since he was a guest and there was too many people already doing their part. Mihawk started having small panic attacks in the crammed spaces packed with strangers and items. Soon he spend most of his time wondering the surrounding woods and fields. But he couldn't be out all day because it was so cold and his thoughts went to the Christmas days he had spent with his son.

\----

\- "When can we eat the gingerbread house?" He looked at the tiny little house they had built together. It was covered with his favourite candies and had a small ginger bread snowman outside.  
\- "Not before the Epiphany." Mihawk stated as he was cleaning the sticky sugary mess they had made of the table.  
\- "When's that?"  
\- "January 6th."  
\- "That's going to take ages!"  
\- "You'll get plenty of gingerbread during holidays."  
\- "I wanna eat it now!"

Mihawk chuckled at the boys eagerness.

\- "Don't laugh at me, father!"  
\- "I cannot help it. You're adorable."  
\- "I'm not! Shut up." The boy blushed and rushed off.

\----

Small boy rushed onto his fathers lap and gave him a huge hug.

\- "You think Mother will come this year?" His voice a sad whisper.  
\- "I don't think so."  
The boy looked miserable hearing the answer he had feared. Mihawk sighed.  
\- "Have you finished your homework?"  
A small nod.  
\- "Do you want to go Christmas shopping then? I wasn't supposed to tell you, but your mother sent you a gift. Want to go get her one?"  
\- "Yeah!" The boys face lit up. "I'll make a card for her too."

Mihawk smiled gently, but inside he was miserable. This was not what he had wanted for him.

\----

\- "Look, look! A battle robot! Mother got me a battle robot."  
\- "That's amazing. You've wanted one for a long time."  
\- "Mmm." He tried different buttons and the robot made noises and flashed lights. "So cool."  
\- "Did grandmother send you something?"  
\- "This sweater and socks. Are we gonna go meet her?"

Hancocks parents wanted to be part of their grandchild's life, but they lived in another country. So any visits were rare. During Christmas it was impossible because Hancock had denied any visits because she would be there. But Mihawk had already booked tickets for winter break though he had not told his son yet.

\- "I think we should. Want to call her?"  
\- "Yes, please."

\----

\- "I think I want to start spending Christmas with Perona"

It was only natural since they were married, but still he felt hurt.

\- "This year?"  
\- "Yes... but I want you there too."

His son did sound sincere, but Mihawk felt he'd still bother them. So he lied.

\- "I'm on a business trip then."  
\- "Really? Wow when did you get to know?"  
\- "It's really a last minute thing. I thought you'd want to spend your time with her and they needed someone to go on such short notice."  
\- "That sucks. Were going to spend the Christmas at Peronas fathers place. It would have been a real family Christmas. I've heard there's a lot of people."

Mihawk felt a little bit relief not having to spend Christmas with strangers, but he felt bad for lying to his son. But most of all he dreaded he'd be a bother to all of them.

\----

\- "I really don't get it. You're fine with random social events and meetings as long as they're work related and suddenly you can't spend the Christmas with your son and his wife's family because you feel you would be a bother. I think they're more bothered with you not going." Shanks looked at him raising his brow and slightly squinting his eyes in disapproval.  
\- "No one asked your opinion." Mihawk took a sip of his wine. They were at Makino's for their usual meet up before Christmas.  
\- "Then why are you here with me Hawky? Ugh. I've got my own family to go to..." He rubbed his temples before his face cleared up. "Hey come with me. Mom would be happy to see you."  
\- "Aren't I a bit old to come over?"  
\- "What? You don't need to be a kid to visit your friends stupid. And Mom sometimes wonders how you're doing. Like she seriously gets really worried at times. It would be better than brooding at home. And they're not strangers so it's cool."  
\- "Fine, since you insist."

Mihawk brooded but he felt slightly happier not to be by himself all Christmas. The last time he had been was years ago, when his father died.

\----

Christmas Eve eventually came and that morning Mihawk couldn't get up. His body hurt, his head hurt, everything hurt. He was stressed out, but he didn't complain, just staid in bed a bit longer than usual. Perona came up to him holding a plate full of rice porridge with cinnamon and sugar on top.

\- "I hope you get the almond. For luck." She had smiled slight bit sad. "I'm sorry you're not liking it here. Just a few more hours and most of the people should be gone."

Mihawk was silent and felt bad. Finally he forced himself up and and ate some of the porridge even if he wasn't that hungry. But it was good and warm and he got an almond. And a second. A third. He looked at Perona.

\- "We actually put full package of almonds because the kids will be sad if they don't get one and this way everyone gets that extra bit of luck they need."

Mihawk appreciated the gesture. It was a beautiful idea, but he still felt miserable.

\- "There's just so many people crowding this house. And the walks do not bring me much joy because it's been cold and I can't stop thinking about him."

It was hard for him to admit feeling so bad, but he needed some comfort and Perona would do her best to help. She thought for a moment and asked:

\- "Do you need pain killers?"

He nodded and a moment later she came back with a couple of pills and a warm glass of glogg. He was feeling slightly better and dressed up ready to face another stressful day. She was waiting outside the room with Zoro dressed up in his new fluffy winter gear.

\- "Moria can handle things here by himself for a couple of hours. Lets go on a walk together. Just us three. I'll show you around. I haven't done that yet have I?"  
\- "We haven't spend a lot of time here. That one time we were longer, we worried over Zoro."  
\- "Then it's high time don't you think?"  
\- "And Moria really won't mind you going?"  
\- "He's used to me running away at the most inconvenient times. I actually did this same thing with your son. The way we have Christmas can be really stressful when you're not used to it."

So while Moria was preoccupied the three snuck outside. They put Zoro in his stroller and when they had walked more into town, where there was pedestrian walks, they let him walk with them. They weren't in a rush and he would get anxious spending long times on the stroller.

\- "Sometimes I wish he wasn't this active." Perona laughed, but there was sadness in her voice.

Mihawk pat her shoulder as a sign of compassion. Time was supposed to move and children to grow. No matter who got left behind.

\- "Birbie." Zoro pointed at a crow sitting on a fence.

There was something macabre about the town. Many houses were abandoned and signs invited you into an empty shop. Everywhere they went they could see the factory pipes looming in the distance, a constant reminder of what had been.

\- "The amount of people visiting us grows smaller each year. We do get new visitors sometimes, but mostly people just want to get away from this place. I feel bad for saying this, but I kind of like the atmosphere of a dying town." She chuckled lightly.

They walked a little bit towards the center of the town. Perona pointed to an old building done in the sixties. One could see decorations in the windows.  
\- "That's the school I went to. It has elementary and upper-school together. After that you had to move out to continue studying."

She pointed to another building with windows covered with cardboard and a "for rent" -sign.  
\- "I went to ballee there."

They were back on the road to Moria. Zoro had worn himself out and was napping in the stroller. There had been a place Perona had not mentioned in her tour and he was curious.

\- "Is the house of your parents somewhere out of town like Morias?"  
\- "It got burnt down. I don't really like to talk about them." She had a plank look on her face.

Mihawk understood. They were similar in that way, neither of them liked to talk about their parents though her reasons were different from his.

\- "Moria is my one and only true dad." She huffed.  
\- "I've heard you call him Dad just once."  
\- "Calling him first name just kinda stuck. He was the social worker in charge of me. He was moving me from foster parent to the next. I always ran away or they just didn't like me."  
\- "Didn't you start being fostered by Moria when you were four?" He found it hard to believe someone younger would be able to run away.  
\- "I entered the system at four, but I kept running to Moria all the time. He had no choice but to take me under. Even then they would have rather have me go somewhere else. But I chose Moria."

She looked smug. She was the winner in a hard situation. The one who came top.

\- "The last one was when I was nearly six. They moved me to another town completely, but I had learnt to read. So I stole some money, packed my bag and took the buss back here. The driver almost called the cops on me, but I was able to fool him in the end. You couldn't believe the look on Morias face when he saw me on the door steps."  
\- "Didn't he ever get angry?"  
\- "Not really. He lectured me on the dangers of going by myself and then called the fosters."  
\- "Why did you keep returning?"  
\- "Because Moria was the first person I could remember. And I spent all the waiting time between fosters with him. It was so nice to be there."  
\- "First person?" Odd, shouldn't it had been her parents?  
\- "Or actually an onion. The time in the 'Room of tubes' is a bit fussy."  
\- "Room of tubes?" He was curious.  
\- "Oh, I'm rambling. Forget it. It's not important."

He felt that it was and wanted to know more, but they were back at Morias. He was waiting for them and looked angry. He glared at Perona and she looked extremely uncomfortable.

\- "I turn my back and you sneak off! On Christmas Eve!"  
\- "Aah well, Mihawk."  
\- "You're the one in blame here young lady. I need your help in the kitchen and you still decide it's better to sneak off than actually tell me you're going for a walk."  
\- "Horo horo horo." Her laughter was nervous, but Mihawks face had lit up.  
\- "Can I help?"  
\- "Eh? But you're a guest."  
\- "Let him. He needs to do something. All the huzzle is dissorienting when you don't have anything to do."  
\- "Alright, but you're still in trouble, young lady!"

When going inside Mihawk could see that same smug look Perona had earlier. She had known this was going to happen. She was the one who had won. And he was grateful to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Peronas hubbie: C'mon lets make a baby quick so I can die already  
> Perona: Wut?
> 
> Christmas? In the middle of the summer? You're welcome.  
> I love the small moments between Mihi and his son. Oh boy, I just love that dude. So nice.


	16. Christmas Eve

The forest was beautiful. The pine trees were twisted doing their best to survive on the dry bed rock. On wetter places there was birches and willows fighting for light. The berry shrubs were blooming. And the light was warm and shadows chilling. Perona walked before him and stopped.

\- "This is the place." She hummed.  
\- "It's beautiful. Like a place from a fantasy novel."

He grew up in the city so he had spent very little time in a wild forest like this. Even the summer house only had fields and the sea shore around it before the small town close by.

\- "Yes, you wouldn't think you'd get attacked by a bear here." She chuckled.  
\- "Ah, but it didn't."

She had been showing him around her home town. It was late spring and she felt the dying town would be at it's best. She had told him about a time she had met with a bear in the forest and he insisted on seeing that place too.

\- "I was coming from that direction. I had decided on taking a short cut through this forest to get to Moria. It's not smart when you're five, but I didn't want to get caught on the town streets either."

He looked around and wondered how she could navigate such thick forest so easily. Though he had a bad sense of direction himself, so maybe he shouldn't.

\- "And then I saw it. It stood right there eating some berries. It looked at me and I was terrified. I took the biggest stick I could get my hands on and shouted as loud as I could while waving the stick. It was so scared it kept running as far as I could see. That's why I had that bear phase."

He chuckled and was still captivated by the beauty around him. How could anything bad happen in such a place? Perona walked to a pine tree near them and leaned against it. She had that sly smirk he found irresistible. So he walked over to her and took hold on one of the branches. He leaned down slightly and looked her in the eyes.

\- "You look like you have something in mind, my lady." The setting was catching onto him. He felt like a knight from a fairy tale. On the other hand Perona made him feel like that often. She is his princess from a ghost town.  
\- "I want you to kiss me." She smirked and pushed her chest a bit forward while lowering her chin. As a movement it was childlike and innocent, but her eyes and smirk told a different story. Seemed like she had more in mind than just a simple kiss.  
\- "I do not think I could be so bold, my lady." He leaned a bit closer to her.  
\- "A little boldness is good every once in a while." She fidgeted her hips slightly.  
\- "The lord will have my head." He grinned. Moria would kill him if he got even a whiff of what they were about to do.  
\- "The lord does not need to know."

And she kissed him.

\----

Perona had paused cutting the ingredients for rosolli. She gazed at the sun setting towards the forest in the distance. She couldn't understand why she had that memory out of all the possible ones of the forest. Finding a deer carcass with Moria while picking mushroom, playing hide and seek with Absa and the other kids. Anything other than them having sex in the woods. But she knew very well why she had that one.

She missed his touch the most. Holding hands, kissing, cuddling, the love making! She missed all of it so badly and it hurt to be never touched by him ever again. When Mihawk had asked if she was always so clingy, she had lied. She normally wasn't that clingy, but she was starving to touch, to be touched. To feel something real and not that imaginary weight behind her back when she slept. She had gotten startled in the night so many times to feel something weight the bed down and see no one there. Holding Zoro didn't help because it felt so different and wasn't what she missed. Mihawk just had the bad luck of being so close by to her. Touching him and his careful touches back helped her, even more so after he had stopped flinching and fighting back. She did feel sorry for him, but she needed it more. Maybe he would understand if she told him why she was like that, but she was also scared of how he would react. She wouldn't like the idea of being a substitute for another person, no matter how close that person had been for her.

Perona shook her ill advised thoughts away as Mihawk brought the ingredients for the olivier salad and sat opposite of her. All of the casseroles had been put into the oven and Moria had gone to the dining hall to organize setting the table. It had been a bit of a fight between the two at how the casseroles should be made, but in the end Mihawk had bend.

\- "I didn't think you would follow Morias recipes."

He looked at her slightly sad clearly hesitating if he should answer her with the truth, but he realized that there was no use in hiding it.

\- "Moria has old family recipes, I don't."  
\- "Didn't you celebrate Christmas?"  
\- "We did, but my father wasn't much of a cook so it was bought from stores. With son I kept trying out different ones to find one to our liking."  
\- "We'll I'm sure you'll like what we did. He did like them too."

He sighed resigned.

\- "Are you still going to cut more carrot or can I have the rest."

Perona had clearly cut more than she needed so she handed him part of what she had cut with the rest of the carrots. Just then a face, Perona knew all too well, popped from the out door.

\- "Absa!"

She rose up and gave him a huge hug. They hadn't seen much after the funeral, he had a lot going on for him.

\- "Thought I would say hi since I'm in town. How are you?"  
\- "Much better now. Have you found yourself a bride yet?"  
\- "Ah, I have not."  
\- "Maybe one day you'll say yes to Lola."  
\- "Never." He shook repulsed.  
\- "And that is your problem my friend. You're too vain."

Absalom had been one of the town kids growing up. Perona thought of him a brother and he felt the same way of her though he would jokingly ask her to marry him.

\- "Hey, how about you marry me instead?" He chuckled, but then shivers ran down his spine.  
Mihawk had a death glare on him though his face was the same as usual. At this point he had finished his salad and was finishing up Peronas work.  
\- "Who is this?"  
\- "Dracule Mihawk, my father-in-law."  
\- "Hello, I'm Absalom... I was only joking."  
\- "It's his signature thing."

Mihawk snorted and went back to his work. Perona patted Absaloms arms and chuckled.  
\- "What's this? Have you started working out?"  
\- "I saw some lions in the wild and it has inspired me a great deal to work on my body. Hey, there's this one thing I've been meaning to call you about."  
\- "Hmm?"  
\- "There's this guy who's been asking about you. I think he was on that mixer with your husband. Some Tra- tra-" he tried remembering the name.  
\- "Trafalgar Law."  
\- "Yeah that guy. Has he contacted?"  
\- "We've seen a couple of times."  
\- "Just be careful. Somethings off about that guy."  
\- "Don't worry. Go talk to Moria now. He's setting up the dining room. He'll be so amazed to see you."

She patted his shoulder as he left. Perona sat back to the table only to realize Mihawk had taken her work. Morias squeals of joy could be heard coming from the other room.

\- "Should I be worried?" Mihawk asked of her. He had a weird feeling in his gut.  
\- "About what exactly?"  
\- "This Trafalgar Law."  
\- "Of course not." She lied with a grin. She didn't want him to worry over her even more. She could handle this.  
\- "Are you sure?"  
\- "Are you perhaps... being jealous?" she sneered, but he looked cold.  
\- "Jealous? On what basis does caring about your well being count as being jealous"

She didn't want to continue the conversation.

\- "Of course. You're right. Don't worry."  
\- "How can I not when I hear talk like that."

But somehow it also sparked her curiosity.

\- "Does it make you uncomfortable? Me getting attention from the opposite sex?"  
She had a sly smile.  
She didn't mean that she would take the opportunity if given. Just wanted to tease him. But Mihawk looked angry. He finished the rosolli and stood up grabbing both of the salads. While walking away he bluntly stated:

\- "Of course it does. I'm the father of your dead husband."

His words cut deep. It had been thoughtless of her. She stayed put and quietly started sobbing. Mihawk placed the salads on the dining table now with beautiful silver and decorations. Moria glanced at him quickly and Mihawk nodded to him before he rushed into their room. Zoro was napping, but Mihawk lifted him gently into his arms and sat against the wall. Zoro looked at him with big round eyes. Why did Pappa look so sad?  
He tried tapping Mihawks face to make him feel better.

\- "Pappa?" he whispered while gently touching him.  
\- "Pappas been bad. Really bad," he whispered back and pressed him into a hug.

Zoro grabbed hold of him and staid silent. Pappa was hurt and it felt unbearable. So in the end he started to weep. Mihawk tried shushing him, but his voice was so broken, it had no effect.

\- "You'd think it gets easier with age, but it really doesn't."

Moria stood by the door and looked at the two. Zoro nudged a bit to his direction. Between his sobs he cried for help.

\- "Buu! Pappa owie."  
\- "I know, Zoro, but you can't put a pandaid on this."  
Moria sat down next to Mihawk and petted Zoros head. Surely he could change his form, how else could he fit into such small room. Mihawk didn't say anything nor did he look at him.  
\- "Arguments, I mean."  
Still nothing from Mihawk.  
\- "From what I've heard, the way you handle confrontation is wrong. You refuse to listen and let your emotions take over. When you feel bad, ask for a time-out. When the anger has blown away then talk things through. Running and hiding is not healthy nor is screaming at each other."  
\- "Did Perona tell you?"  
\- "No, but it was clear that you had a fight. She's told me this is something you do when you get uncomfortable."  
\- "It was a silly taunt and I fell for it." He didn't understand why. Something inside him had started to boil from the moment he had seen her so friendly with Absalom.  
\- "Don't downplay your own feelings. It's clear that something she said hurt you. As long as you communicate with calm manner it should be alright."

But how could he explain to Perona something he didn't understand himself.

\----

Christmas dinner was awkward.

Mihawk and Perona didn't really know what to say to each other and with strangers around them it was impossible to even think about something like an argument. She was feeling bad about what she had said, but was also angry. Mihawk didn't have a say in her relationships, never did and never will.

He didn't really understand himself anymore. It wouldn't have bothered him so earlier, but now it was different. Was it because Perona might actually go along with the flirt and he felt it was too soon for her to be thinking about a new relationship? He wanted her to be happy, but if it was with a new man, it somehow stung his heart. It wasn't just for his son, but also for himself. It was a weird sort of jealousy and he couldn't understand it.

So they both just ignored each other.

After Christmas-sauna it was time for the presents. Zoro was the only child of the group so everyone was exited to see his reactions. And he was beaming. He squealed and toddled and kept mixing up all the words he had learned and made up. He went from person to person to show his packages. He didn't quite get that he was supposed to open them until Moria showed him an example by opening a gift he had gotten. Zoro decided to sit against Mihawks legs to open his presents. His hands were clumsy and he had trouble tearing into the paper so Perona sat next to him on the floor and helped him with the task. When he opened the priest Care-Kuma, he got startled and threw the package away. Everyone laughed except Perona. Mihawk chuckled at her disappointed face. Zoro was slightly relieved to get the pink Care-Kuma. He got some clothes and few other toys. While he played with his toys and the wrappings everyone opened their presents.

Mihawk looked at the scarf and then at Perona.

\- "Thank you."  
\- "What for?" She didn't even look at him. He could see that she was still grumpy.  
\- "For noticing things about me." He chuckled lightly. "Sometimes it feels like you can read my mind."  
\- "You're just really bad at hiding your thoughts." She turned still looking sour. "Put it on."

He did so and after looking Perona nodded satisfied. She continued opening her presents. Mostly chocolate and other treats. She was saving a big and heavy package for the last. She knew it was from Mihawk, but she didn't know what it could be. When she opened the last small gift she started to have a hunch. A set of different color threads clearly meant for a sewing machine. Quickly she tore the paper revealing the big package to be what she had wanted for years, a sewing machine. She looked at Mihawk amazed. How on earth could he have known? Her amazement faded because she saw the sadness in his eyes.

\- "He told me about you wanting one. He lamented the fact that he couldn't afford the perfect one for you. I offered to help, but he insisted on getting it by himself. Well I got it for you in the end."

Mihawk didn't continue and he didn't have to. Perona knew very well what was not said:

"Because now he can't get it to you by himself."

She bursted into tears and hugged the machine. A last gift from her husband, no matter how indirect it was.

\----

They stayed up late, reminiscing with Moria. Even with their fight it had been an extremely good night for them all. Slightly tipsy they finally retired for the night. Zoro had been sleeping for awhile already so they made sure to keep quiet. Mihawk laid on his mattress back towards Perona. He was exhausted, but was already looking forward for the next day and new year. He had missed family Christmases. It wasn't the same to spend it with Shanks no matter how good a friend he was. Still he missed his son the most. He wished he hadn't been such a coward and had come here earlier with him.

Mihawk had almost fallen asleep when he felt Perona climb behind him. She didn't say anything just laid there next to him. But when she pressed her forehead against his back slightly, he had to move away startling her. She had thought he was asleep. Perona scurried away to her own bed and hid herself into her blanket clearly embarrassed. Mihawk sat up and looked at her shaking figure in the dark.

\- "What was that?"  
\- "Nothing, just sleep." She mumbled back at him.  
\- "You were on my bed just now."  
\- "I wasn't."  
\- "What is wrong?" He felt annoyed, but tried to sound understanding. He didn't want to fight.

After a moment of solid silence Perona finally sighed and mumbled still hidden in her blanket.

\- "I miss him. Sorry." Her voice broke slightly at the end.

Mihawk rubbed his beard and let his hand go over his forehead and hair. He sighed. It was a bad idea. He went back to his earlier position pulling his blanket over himself. He pressed against the wall to give her space.

\- "Fine. You can be on the bed with me. But try not to touch me."

Cheerily she jumped up and climbed on the bed. She hugged him snuggling her face against his back.

\- "Perona." He growled her a warning and she quickly pulled apart from him.

Definitely a very bad idea.

\----

He woke in the middle of the night. He needed to go to the restroom and Zoro was whining lightly, but Mihawk found himself trapped. Perona was slightly on top of his chest her hands around his neck. He too had inadvertently during his sleep pulled her closer into a loose hug. He could feel her calmly breathe against his neck and he suddenly felt extremely warm. It had been ages since he had slept close to someone like this. His son had been the last one. Sure he had had flings after Hancock, but he hadn't stayed long after the act. Sleeping like this felt extremely intimate to him.

He tried to gently pry Perona off of himself, but she tightened her hold of him and put her other leg over his. He was even more trapped and now her body was pressing against him fully. Thank lord there was the two blankets between them.

Mihawk prayed that she wouldn't wake, but he needed to be a bit rougher. He rolled on top of her making sure not to press against her. Her hands were still around his neck, but her hold had loosened. Mihawk looked at her sleeping face. He always tried to push the thought away, but Perona was the most beautiful person he had met and he felt, that she got more beautiful as time went by. Peronas arms finally slipped down and she moved a bit to her side smiling in her sleep.

He looked at her for a long while wondering, what it would have been like if he had met someone like her all those years ago. If Hancock had been like Perona, they would probably still be together. He sighed and sat beside her giving his head a few frustrated rubs. It was weird thinking of Perona as a woman and not just his daughter-in-law. Why did his thoughts start moving that way?  
It was Shanks fault all of it. He keeps on stirring up ideas in peoples heads, blabbermouth troublemaker that he is. Always has been.

"What if she wants to marry someone you don't know?"

She can't marry and go away. He needs them close to himself. He needs them, to be happy.

Mihawk shook his head lightly and after relieving himself in the bathroom, he went to the dining room. There he took a wine bottle and poured some into his glass. He drank it quickly and poured some more. He twirled the wine, drank it and then reached for a chocolate box that was left on the table. He took one confetti and tried guessing what it tasted like before checking from the box.

Marsipan.

He drank some more wine to wash down the taste and reached for another piece of chocolate. He ate it, again trying to guess the taste.

Bitter taste of cherries.

He remembered a cherry tree back at his childhood home and when his mother had done him a pie to celebrate him going to preschool and how his father had patted him on the back saying that he was a big boy now. How they were driving to the grandparents as it rained and the road was bad. When father lost the control of the car and hit a tree. How he was later told that his mother had been crushed and died instantly.

It was so long ago, that now he couldn't remember what his mother looked like or how she acted.

Mihawk drank more and ate some other chocolates. Such dark thoughts, he was definitely in the downswing from the drinking earlier. More drinking would quickly cure that.  
And his thoughts went back to Perona and Zoro. How it would be lonely if they left. He pressed his face against the cool table putting his arms over his head.

It wasn't right at all to be so selfish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When Europe is bothered by the boiling heat, I submit ya'll a cool christmas chapter. I always laugh when they show christmas episodes/specials during summer, but look at me now. I'm laughing at myself.
> 
> If you want a good mechanical sewing machine be ready to spend a lot of money. Or one could buy a cheaper one, but Perona has always been a bit low on the money. You know how it can be. You want something but arent really prepared to spend the money no matter how badly you want it. And hubby was stubborn wanting to use his own money, but he just pushed it back because of getting the apartment with Perona, trying to safe money and the rise of expenses when they got Zoro. It never seemed like the right time.
> 
> Surprise, surprise, Mihis mom died in a car accident. Double shitty to get your son killed in one too. But he's a cool guy and doesn't blame cars or the people driving them. He propably blames himself, like usual.


	17. New Year

There was clattering and shuffling of feet. Nothing too loud, but every sound felt ten times more loud to Mihawk. He tried to rise but instinctively held his head and groaned. He had a strong headache. He shouldn't have drank so much no matter how bad he felt.

\- "Mr Dracule, time to wake up."

One of the other guests doctor Hogback was shaking him. The round man offered Mihawk a glass of water sizzling with medicine. He took it and poured it down his throat way too quickly, causing another painful throb in his head. Drowsily he rubbed his face trying to figure out what time it was. He was groggy and his vision was blurred, but when it cleared he could see Perona opposite to him. She was holding Zoro who was curiously looking around following the people moving in the room.

\- "What time?" He couldn't look at her directly for he was feeling ashamed to have been found like this. He didn't want to loose control like this with her around.  
\- "You ate all the chocolate." She burrowed her brow and Mihawk looked to see the chocolate box mostly empty or the chocolates half bitten.  
\- "Sorry." He stared blankly at the empty wine bottle and his glass now toppled over, content having stained the red tablecloth. "Sorry, I'll clean it."

Moria walked in and held out Zoros milk bottle which Perona took and started to feed Zoro. Judging by the lights it must be between eight or nine.

\- "You're up early. Even though you stayed up so late."  
\- "Hmm. I guess it's out of habit." Perona answered.

He looked on as Zoro quickly emptied his bottle. He wiggled lightly and Perona set him down so he could toddle around. She herself left the room and Zoro followed her grabbing onto anyone's legs he passed by. He grabbed onto Mihawks legs too and Mihawk smiled lightly and petted his head.

\- "Morning, Zoro."

Zoro grinned and babbled something back before toddling to grab onto Peronas legs who was carrying trays of yesterdays left overs. She waited for Zoro to wrap his arms and legs tightly around her leg before continuing her task. She took Mihawks glass and the wine bottle and returned to the kitchen. Hogback sat on the table as did Moria and they started picking what to eat. Mihawk looked on and Perona returned with two cups of coffee. She set one for Mihawk and Hogback. Once again she moved back to the kitchen, Zoro still clutching onto her leg enjoying the ride.

\- "Aren't you going to eat, Mihawk?" Moria asked him.  
\- "No, I'm feeling pretty bad right now."  
\- "Kishishiihishi! I can imagine. I didn't drink as much as you and I felt horrible rising up."

Mihawk smiled a little and took a sip of his coffee. Perona returned with two plates. She pulled Zoros high chair to the table and placed him in it. She went back to the kitchen and came back with a colourful plastic plate in her hand. She gathered some of the food and gave it to Zoro who started nibbling on a piece of ham. Next she gathered some of the plainer dishes and gave the plate to Mihawk.

\- "I'm not hungry."  
\- "You should still eat. So you'll feel better." She looked tired, gentle and careful.

He didn't really protest after that. The way Perona was looking at him made him feel ashamed. It wasn't for her to fix what was wrong with him, he knew all too well his drinking could get out of hand. Ashamed he slowly ate the food Perona had picked for him. A few other people joined them to eat before leaving for their homes. Some still had to go working between Christmas and New Year. Mihawk himself had taken some vacation.

Moria had taken Zoro and was playing with him in the living room as Mihawk still sat at the table while Perona was gathering what was left of the food. Finally she sat next to him and scratched a bit on the wine stain.

\- "Do you want to talk about it?" She asked and kept on poking at the stain. "Whatever caused you to drink like that?  
\- "Not really."  
\- "You sure? Maybe you'll feel better if you tell someone."  
\- "I doubt it."

They sat in silence. He leaned to his hand and looked away while Perona traced the stain. Maybe it would be better to talk and explain how he felt. It had indeed helped earlier.

\- "I'm just still a bit mad about yesterday. It's hard picturing you with someone other than my son." He sighed long and continued. "It's okay for you to be in a relationship someday. Who am I to say what you can or can't do."

Perona had stilled for a moment, but then continued tampering with the stain.

\- "The way I spoke yesterday was thoughtless. I'm not actually thinking of going into a relationship just yet. Maybe never. I still love him, that hasn't changed. It's just nice to know I'm wanted even if I'm a single mom and a widow."

Mihawk leaned to his other hand and looked at her. He had not thought it like that. That she was self-conscious of how she looked, when she is so beautiful even without make-up or fancy clothes. He averted his eyes and felt shameful for thinking like this again. He wasn't supposed to yet his mind went there anyway. Dammit Shanks!   
Perona was still playing with the stain. He too scratched it a bit with his finger. It was not fading at all. Just like all of his emotions, no matter how hard he tried brushing them away.

\- "I'm sorry, I'm such a mess." Mihawk hunched a bit.  
\- "No, you're not." She placed her hand over his. "You're completely normal. No-one expects you to get over such a thing in one night. I'm not over it yet."  
\- "I really am."  
\- "And I say you're not." She squeezed his hand. "You're just hurt."  
\- "Sorry."

Mihawk whimpered and hunched even lower and Perona pulled him into an embrace. His head was against her shoulder and she petted his back calmingly. She pressed her head against his as she felt him shudder and breath erratically. Once he was calm he backed away. His eyes were slightly red and he sniveled before looking away from her. He felt ashamed for having broken down like that, but there was also relief. He looked back at her and petted her hair.

\- "You're beautiful, you know that?"  
\- "Of course, but getting compliments never hurts."

She smiled lightly and he did too, before rising up.

\- "I'll go check Zoro and Moria. See what they're doing." He turned away from her, but stopped by the door. "Thank you."

Perona smiled sweetly. She waited him to go before she went to the kitchen. She took a paper and whiped her tears and blew her nose. She had held her tears in, but now that he was not there to see, she could not stop crying.

\- "Stupid old man."

\----

Moria, Zoro and Mihawk were at a shopping trip. Moria was excited, it was not every year they would shoot rockets due to how expensive they were, but Mihawk had promised to pay them as a Christmas gift for him. The two were picking what rockets to get and doing some essentials shopping as well. Zoro was in a shopping cart and he pointed at things naming them or the colour they were. Or at least he tried, considering how small his vocabulary was. Mostly it was just babbling, but Mihawk had grown to somewhat understand what the child meant. Moria had more trouble discerning it, but he tried.

Meanwhile Perona was alone at Morias. She had chosen so. She rarely got alone time like this. Completely by herself, even Hogback had gone somewhere else.

She moved around the house, doing a little bit of cleaning, checking what was left of the huge amount of items meant for Christmas. As usual there wasn't much and she sorted them out for storage. After finishing she went to her old room, a small roundish room with a view to the town. She remembered watching the town lights and stars and how each year she could see the stars better than the town lights. She would have reminisced a bit longer, but the room was a mess. A family of three had stayed there and their mattresses and bed clothes were still on the floor. She sighed and gathered the sheets to be washed. She did so for all the bedding around the house. While the washing machine was doing it's job, she went to the kitchen to drink something. With a cup hot chocolate in hand, she looked at the woods and picked her phone, looking through photos of her husband. They don't really make her cry anymore, slightly teary, but not as much as few months back. She looks at his smiling face and sighs. Photos will never fully convey how attractive and warm he was. They'll just be a worn reminder of the man she fell in love with.

And while she looked at the photos the most heart crushing thought came to her mind:

"These are the last days of the year he was still alive."

It made her feel sick. Sick to the pit of her stomach. Her whole body felt numb and her hands started to shake.

So she rose up to do something that could take her mind off of such a thought. Cleaning, cleaning and more cleaning. Tears streaming down her face as she angrily showed the sheets into a washer and went on to look for something new to clean. She felt stupid of having such irrational thought bring her so much pain, yet she could not stop thinking about it. Luckily, there was still a lot to do around the house.

\----

Perona was putting the sheets into the dryer and loading another batch of sheets into the washer. She sighed once she was done and went to look at the drive way. She felt exhausted by her outburst of emotions and wanted her family to be back to get her mind off of the bad things. But they were yet to be there. In fact it was past the time they had promised to be back and that made a feeling she had wished never to feel again rise up in her.

All the worst case scenarious went through her mind as she quickly opened her phone and chose Morias number as they had gone off in Mihawks car. She held her breath as the phone rang.

\- "Mihawk speaking. Moria is driving right now."

She sighed relieved.

\- "Hello? Perona?"  
\- "Why is Moria driving?"  
\- "... Apparently I'm a rowdy driver. So what was it you needed?"  
\- "Just calling what's taking you so long."  
\- "Long?"  
\- "You've been gone for six hours."  
\- "I tried telling you that the town shop might not have any rockets so we had to go to the city. After that we went to a Chinese restaurant to pick up some food. But we're driving back home now, so we shouldn't be taking long. Hmm? Zoro's staring at me."  
\- "Oh, put him on, please."  
\- "Alright. Say hi to Mommy."  
\- "Mama?"  
\- "Hey, Zoro."  
\- "Mama! Dwain uh- bu- bu- Doggy!"  
\- "You saw a train and a dog? That's really nice Zoro."  
Delighted babble. She and Zoro talked a little bit more until she could hear Mihawk gently coerce Zoro to give him the phone, before turning it back to himself.  
\- "We'll be back soon, so don't worry."  
\- "Okay, bye."

She closed her phone and held it against her chest. She sighed relieved.

\----

She hugged them all when they were back, though Mihawk was slightly pushing her back which made her pout. She excitedly eyed over the rockets, they had bought so many it must have cost a fortune. Moria of course looked to be regretting it, but Mihawk was nonchalant about the matter. Zoro babbled to Perona, waving his hands explaining how they had seen a dog and he had gotten to pet it. Of course Mihawk told her alongside Zoro though Zoro did not mind Pappa mumbling to Mommy. She laughed and did her best to answer him which made Zoro babble even more.

Perona and Moria were alone when Mihawk took Zoro to sleep. Her adoptive father looked a bit sorrowful.

\- "I'm going to miss you. It'd be so nice to live closer to you and not by myself here."

Perona hugged him warmly and he hugged her back. Of course she knew Moria was lonely, but she knew he would never move out of this town, it meant too much to him.

\- "I'm going to miss you too. We'll just have to visit each other a lot."  
\- "Could you consider moving back in? There are jobs here you could apply to."  
\- "I don't think so," she shook her head, "Mihawk still needs me even if he tries to play down his feelings."  
\- "How about my feelings? Do you not care at all for your dear old man?" Moria played to be extremely hurt by her.  
\- "Well I can't concentrate on two old men at the same time now can I?"  
\- "Kishishiihishi! What a daughter I've grown. For a moment I had feared you'd become a pampered brat, but you turned out just fine."  
\- "Hey! I can be a pampered princess whenever I want to. I just choose to not be one right now."

Moria held his stomach and laughed and Perona joined in laughing with tears in her eyes. But in her heart she knew that she could not be a princess anymore, because the crown was stolen from her alongside her prince. 

\----

It was New Years eve. Mihawk was setting the outdoor flames with Moria and Hogback, the two older men were giving him instructions on where to place them. Even before six, they had heard some unpatient people blow up a rocket or two. Perona had dressed Zoro in his winter clothes and he was running around grabbing on snow and pointing at the stars. He rushed to the three men and begged Moria to carry him, so he could see what the adults were doing. He squealed in awe when Mihawk set a flame.

Perona took out a box of sparklers. Zoro was way too small to be given one, but it would not stop him from enjoying looking at them. Perona set herself one and waved it around, making circles and other forms. When it burned out she forced Mihawk to have one too. They laughed at Mihawks face as he grumpily held the sparkler. Perona spun around and went by Zoro whose mouth was a big "o" as he stared at the tiny stars flying off the sparkler.

When the clock was eight they took out some of the smaller fountains to show to Zoro before he would go take a nap. He was in awe and kept saying "pretty" over and over again. They went back inside to enjoy some snack and watched some new years concerts. Once Zoro was up again they drove to the town centre around eleven. There were other people walking around, some stopped when they spotted Moria and came to talk, wishing him happy new year. Some people just watched as Moria and Hogback excitedly started to set up a rocket. Soon enough there was a small crowd and Zoro was looking around excited from Peronas lap. He was wearing earmuffs so he wouldn't get spooked by the loud rockets. Mihawk slowly inched closer to them carrying a box of rockets.

\- "Back there I had to set up the flames because they were not in good shape and look at them now." He crumbled a bit.  
\- "Let them have their fun." Perona smiled brightly. She loved to see Moria so happy though he was happy most of the time. "You've really made his day."  
\- "Hmm." Mihawk shrugged not impressed.

Moria set the first rocket and it shot way up in air and exploded into golden rain with a loud bang. Zoro could see some people laugh and put their hands on their ears and he did the same.

\- "That's so cute, sweet pea." Perona nuzzled him and he giggled and grabbed onto the back of her head nuzzling her back.

Mihawk wished he had his hands free so he could have taken a photo of the sweet moment, but it was a short one anyway. Perona fixed Zoros earmuffs so they were better on his head. Another loud explosion, green and red sparkles flew around some exploded a second time sizzling as they disappeared. Mihawk went to Moria and Hogback to give them the box. They took a big fountain and it shot a showy explosion after explosion. Everyone looked at it in awe. Mihawk was back to Perona and Zoro. He looked at the show, but what captivated him more was the pure look of awe and wonder in Peronas and Zoros faces. Zoro reached his hand towards the sky making a slow grabbing movement.

The distant and closer bangs got more volatile and the time between each bang grew smaller. Mihawk looked at the time, it was 12 o'clock. People started to shout "happy new year" all around them.

\- "Happy New Year, Pappa." Perona grinned towards Mihawk.  
\- "Happy New Year, Mommy." He answered sounding a bit arrogant.

Perona burst into laughter.

\----

They were packing their things into Mihawks car. Moria was grief stricken and Perona hugged him comfortingly.

\- "We'll come visit soon and you can come visit us whenever you want."  
\- "I wish you could stay here forever."  
\- "I wish, but someones got to keep Mihawk in line."

The two laughed and Mihawk raised his brow before shaking his head.  
Moria went to Zoro who was sitting on his seat.

\- "Buu!" Zoro exclaimed happily. Moria pressed a warm kiss on the child's rosy cheek.  
\- "Uhh, I'll miss you." He wiped some tears.

Moria waved as they drove away. Perona looked solemnly at the familiar landscape. She sighed content.

\- "Maybe a new year isn't such a bad thing." She mumbled to herself. "Hey, Mihawk."  
\- "Hmm?"  
\- "Are you happy that we've entered another year?"  
\- "If I get to spend it with you two then yes, otherwise it would be very lonely."  
\- "Lonely... You know I had this very lonely idea few days back."  
\- "What was it?"  
\- "That last year was-" She turned to look at Mihawk, but could see a slight smile on his lips as he looked on the road. "You know it really doesn't matter anymore. No point in wallowing in something pointless for the sake of being unhappy."  
\- "Hmm, true that, but it's human nature to wallow in pointless things."

Mihawk chuckled lightly, but Perona blinked unamused. She scoffed and looked back out.

\- "You know if you need to wallow so bad, you can do it with me. I bet I'm better at it than you anyway."

Mihawk smiled amused. Maybe he would, after all, she had a strange power to make him feel better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been drunk so I don't know how that or being hungover feels. I hope I did em right but feedback would be nice. 
> 
> I'll do my best to get the next chapter out quickly ;3


	18. Dear Valentine

Perona snorted unhappy and Mihawk chuckled. They were looking at a poor attempt of a teddy bear. Perona was practising her sewing skills like there was no tomorrow. She was anxious to try making patterns of her own and her scetch book was filling with clothes designs, but for now she was content trying out pre-made patterns. But she did still try adding her own quirks and they always didn't go according to plan, thus the horrid looking teddy bear.

\- "Don't laugh at him, can't you see he's had a rough life." A fake tear escaped Peronas eye.  
\- "Wasn't he just born?"  
\- "Yes, but he's already been laughed at and Zoro rejected him."

Zoro turned when hearing his name, but when he saw the adults still play with the thing, he went back to his own game with the tiger he had gotten from Ace. Zoro really seemed to like tigers. If there was anything with the right kind of stripes he would happily yell "tiger" and point at the thing. Even a striped dog that walked past the house sometimes was a tiger for him. He had been extremely happy when Perona had one day stopped the walker to meet Zoro, the dogs biggest fan.

"Tigel. Tigel. Tigel."

He had been chanting happily and pawed the fur on the dogs back.

\- "I will love this bear like my own child." Perona lifted the teddy up.  
\- "Technically he is your child." Mihawk hummed.  
\- "Horo horo! True. My beautiful creation." She looked at the teddy proudly.

Mihawk took hold of it's paws and waved them at Perona.

\- "Mistress," he croaked, "Whyy did you create me?"  
\- "Oh, that voice is most uncute."  
\- "Mi~stress!" He chuckled near the end, unable to keep his face.  
\- "Shut up."

Perona laughed and squeezed the bear against her chest. She looked at Mihawk gleefully:   
\- "You've ruined my teddy bear now."  
\- "He'll be silent most of the time."  
\- "He better."

Perona looked at the teddy and then spoke softly.  
\- "I think I know what I want to study."  
Mihawk looked at her expectantly.  
\- "I want to become a clothes designer. Feels kinda right at the moment."  
\- "Have you looked for any schools, yet?"  
\- "There's one in here so of course I'll aim for that one, but there's a few others I'll try to get in. They're just a bit too far away so moving closer would be required."  
\- "Do your best and we'll see then what we'll do."

Mihawk sounded encouraging and it made her happy. She really liked him and maybe he would consider moving with her and Zoro if it came to that. She was sure he would. So she leaned against him humming happily.

\- "I'm going to do my best."

But he backed of slightly and she looked at him questioning.

\- "We need to set boundaries." He said quietly.  
\- "What, so suddenly?" She was caught completely by surprise. She had thought they had found them already.  
\- "I- Sometimes you just go too far with how you touch me. It makes me uncomfortable."  
\- "You hate it?"  
\- "No and yes." Mihawk let out a long sigh. "If you haven't noticed I'm not too fond of being touched."  
\- "So touching is out of question."  
\- "No. How do I put it. Uh. Sometimes it's nice, but sometimes it's too sudden or too close and it makes me uncomfortable. I just want you to understand that you need to somehow have my consent. If I push you away, don't try to hug me harder."  
\- "I'm sorry."  
\- "It's not your fault, I should have been more straight with you from the beginning."  
\- "What stopped you?"  
\- "I guess I was just scared."

Perona was baffled. Mihawk had been scared, but of what?

\- "Umm, of what exactly?"  
\- "I didn't want you to hurt more than you already did."

She looked at him and sighed. Mihawk worried so much over her and Zoros well being when she didn't give him the same amount of care. She'll do better in the future.

\- "You've really been looking out for me all this time."  
\- "You're important to me."  
\- "You're important to me too." Perona said quietly and then looked shyly at him. "Can I hug you?"

Mihawk opened up his arms. Gently Perona wrapped her arms around him and pressed her head against his shoulder while Mihawk answered her hug just as gently.

\- "I'm really lonely. I miss him all the time and touching you helps me to forget momentarily." She whimpered.  
\- "I know, but I don't want to be a replacement for him. It's not a healthy thing to do and it affects us both negatively. How can you process your grief if you hide from it?"

Perona couldn't answer that. She wanted to protest, but he was right. How can they move on if she keeps on comparing Mihawk to him, use Mihawk as a substitute for him. If she's going to touch Mihawk, it should be because it's him and not the lingering similarity he has to his son.   
She would respect Mihawks wish, but the idea felt extremely lonely to her. She had been her husband's Perona for so long, she didn't know how to be by herself anymore. It scared her.

\- "It's scary."  
\- "You'll be fine." Mihawk petted her hair and back as an attempt to comfort her. "Maybe not straight away, but eventually you will be."

Perona squeezed him a bit tighter and felt slightly happy. They both might have been selfish back then, but moving in together had been the best decision for them all. To have someone who shares your pain and supports you, was extremely important.

\- "Thank you for being here with me." Perona wiped a few tears as they separated. "I would be worse off with out you."

Mihawk nodded and smiled. He felt the same way of her.

Zoro rose up and fumbled over to them. He grabbed onto Mihawks leg.  
\- "Howshe."  
\- "You want to play Horsie?" Mihawk asked from him.  
\- "Howsie!" He jumped a bit excited.

Mihawk lifted him up on his knee and started to bounce him up and down while holding him. Zoro squealed and laughed happily.

\- "Hopoti hopoti hoi. Hopoti hoijaa." Mihawk riddled as he bounced the small child.

He enjoyed these moments with Zoro just as much and maybe a bit more as the boy did. 

Perona looked at the two smiling. She excused herself and gathered her things. She went to her and Zoros room. She thought about what had just happened and thinking about support groups made her remember Trafalgar Law. She had not contacted him after they had met, something about him scared her. But now she thought, that maybe it was because of her husband's passing that he had been that way. She knew how negatively it had affected the people around her and Law had looked so miserable back then. So maybe by talking with her, Law could process his own feelings better. She could be support for him.

Perona opened her phone and started to write.

\- "Hey, this is Roronoa Perona. I know it's been a while back that we last met, but if you still want to message me I'm open for conversation."

She hit send and it didn't take long for her to see him start to write back.

\- "Hey, Perona! I'm really happy you've decided to message me. Did you have nice holidays?"  
\- "I spend it with family. It was great. I met Absalom and he says you've been asking about me."  
\- "Sorry, I was kind of desperate to talk to you and didn't have your number."  
\- "Alright, so what did you want to talk about?"  
\- "I just want to know you better."  
\- "Sure, I would appreciate knowing you better as well. You've been a bit freaky."  
\- "Sorry about that."  
\- "No problem."

They talked of their backgrounds. She learned that Laws parents had been doctors so it was what had made him interested in becoming one too. But when he had been eight, they and his little sister had died in a hospital fire while he had been at school. That had caused him to go into a downswing and had been a difficult child, just like Perona had been. When he was around ten, he had been adopted by a cop and his more than weird family. Though he had done his best to be hard to deal with, his adoptive father had just shrugged it off and eventually won Law over. But not long after, he had been killed in line of duty. Though he had been part of Laws life only a short time it had made Law become more determined in his pursue to become a doctor.

While she chatted with him, she dug into the requirements and tests for the schools of her choice. She started to look for reference on what to expect and how she could prepare in advance. She could see Mihawk pass by with Zoro following him closely. For a moment he stopped and looked at her then smiled before moving on. She felt happy and was determined to make him proud of her.

\----

It was a blizzard and Perona was outside for the second time plowing the yard free of snow. The wind was cold and the snow hit her face constantly. The snow piles just kept on growing and the weather casts promised for even more snow. When she was done she returned inside. Zoro was taking a nap so Perona had some time for herself. She messaged to Law again. Just asking how his day was.

\- "Feeling down. Corazon died on a snowy day like this."

She sent him some comforting words, but everything feels a bit lame when you do it via messages.

\- "Sorry if I'm not much of a comfort right now."  
\- "Don't worry. Just being able to tell someone about things like this helps."

Perona picked up a commercial to look if there was any good deals. One spread was completely dedicated to Valentines Day. It was pink and red with white lace design adverting various chocolates and quick to give presents for your best friend or lover.

Perona sighed and flip the page. She did not get excited of Valentines Day. Even if it could be fun to send gifts to her friends, it felt pointless without her husband.

\----

\- "Happy Valentines Day, Perona."

He was grinning and held a huge bouquet of red, white and pink roses. She took the roses from him and invited him into her apartment. She took a vase for the flowers and placed them on the floor.

\- "The floor? Should I be offended?" He chuckled.

Perona snorted and rolled her eyes at the remark. There was absolutely no space for the flowers in her tiny crammed up apartment and he knew it perfectly well. He grasped her by the hips and pressed his lips against hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck deepening the kiss. When she felt his hands move under her blouse she stopped and poked his nose.

\- "If you think a couple of roses will get you into my pants, you're very mistaken."  
\- "I don't." He laughed and grinned.

His hand went to his pocket and he pulled out two tickets which she quickly snatched from his hand. She looked at them and slowly started to smile broadly.

\- "You remembered."  
\- "Of course. How could I forget your favourite band?"  
\- "These must have cost a fortune. The roses too."  
\- "Only the best for my girl."

This time she went in for a kiss.

\----

Perona messaged Law again, lamenting how lonely Valentines Day would be.

\- "Want to spend it with me?"

No she didn't. She didn't want to think of the possibility of Law reaching for her body again, when in reality it should be her husband touching her.

\- "No thanks. I think I'll spend it at home. Maybe visit the grave."

Perona flicked back to the Valentines day ad and looked at it for a moment. She started to write on her phone again. She quickly spaced through the rest of the pages, but there was nothing of interest. After making a quick inventory at the kitchen she wrote more. A list of things for Mihawk to buy before getting back home. She hit send and went to look through the window at the front yard. The snowing had gotten even thicker and she would have to plow it before Mihawk got home.

Noisily Zoro started to call for her. He had woken from his nap a bit early so he was grumpy and hungry. Perona went to pick him up. He held to her neck huffing angrily. Perona sighed slightly. When Zoro was grumpy like this there was no way for her to just put him into his chair to wait. It would instantly turn into full blown out tantrum. With her free hand Perona started to pick up the things needed to make his formula. Zoro seemed to calm down a bit when he realized she was making his drink and started to slowly knead her hair with his fingers. Good thing she had her hair on a braid so Zoro couldn't get it tangled. Soon the formula was ready and after it had cooled down Perona sat down handing the bottle to Zoro who started to hungrily suck it. A small bling informed Perona that she had received a message.

\- "Where do you need new letter paper? There's some in the study." Mihawks job had ended so he could answer her back.  
\- "I want the cute stuff, not plain and boring white. Some cute stickers too."  
\- "Anything else?"  
\- "Nothing aside from what I previously wrote."

Perona was just about to set her phone down, when she had an idea.

Zoro was finished with his bottle so she set him down. Full tummy quickly calmed Zoro down. He was still a bit grumpy and started to follow his mother while she looked for something. When she couldn't find anything inside she quickly put on some clothes to go out. Carefully she closed the backdoor after making sure Zoro wouldn't be stuffing his fingers in between. He huffed angrily and shouted behind the door for her to come back. Outside the snow storm was still raging and Perona took heavy steps on the thick snow while trying to get to the small shed around the corner of the house, tactically out of sight. It wasn't as badly covered with snow as she feared so it didn't take a lot of work to get inside. The air smelled dry and earthy as she looked around. She picked up a red ceramic flower pot. It was perfect. With the pot in hand she went back her own steps. Once inside she quickly tore her shoes off and poured snow out of them. Zoro was pleased to have her back, but got quickly curious of the snow. He took some of the snow to inspect it, before quickly eating it.

\- "That's gross, Zoro." Perona chuckled while taking off her clothes.

Zoro picked up more snow and looked as it melted on his hand. His eyes were round and he pointed his wet hand towards her. Snow inside the house would always make Zoro wonder, no matter how many times he saw it melt.

\- "Snow still melts to water when warmed."

Zoro shook his hand and grabbed onto Peronas legs. He had accidentally stepped onto the water and was now shaking his foot while leaning onto her.

\- "Did your feet get wet?" Perona petted his head before picking him up. "Lets go change your socks."

\----

Perona was busy playing with Zoro and had lost track of time. He was starting to get interested in simple puzzles though most of the time he wasn't quite able to solve them. Perona didn't solve them for him, it was important to let him figure it out by himself. She did however do it silly and keep on failing herself. Eventually Zoro managed to solve one by accident and Perona erupted into a cheer.

\- "You're so smart! Mommy couldn't solve it, but you could. You're so amazing Zoro."

Zoro first looked at her baffled, but when she kept on cheering for him and pointing at the solved puzzle, he finally got it and started to laugh. He kept on resolving the puzzle and every time Perona cheered for him. Eventually she did point to another slot.

\- "Can you try solve that one for Mommy?" She took one of the pieces and tried putting it in failing on purpose. "This one is hard."

She tried a couple of times more and Zoro took one of the pieces himself and tried to put it in. He did end up solving that one too and was extremely happy to receive praise from his mother. He laughed happily and went to hug her, closing his eyes content. He fumbled a bit until he was sitting on her lap facing her. They were still embracing each other warmly.

\- "Do you want to continue playing?" Perona picked a puzzle piece and put it on it's place since Zoro wasn't looking.

Zoro didn't really answer her question, just sighed content in her arms. Perona smiled and petted his hair. Her hand was securely on his back keeping him on her lap as she started to pick up puzzle pieces putting them back in. The door opened and Perona turned her head to see Mihawk slightly covered with snow holding two bags of groceries. While busy with Zoro she had forgotten about the snow storm and snow work waiting to be done. She heard the snow plow drive past the house surely leaving a wall before their drive way.

\- "Good I got back before the plow." Mihawk remarked and walked into the living room putting down the bags near Perona.  
\- "I'm sorry. I got so distracted with Zoro I forgot to do the plowing."  
\- "Hmm, it's okay. Looked like you've done it earlier today." He picked his phone from his pocket.  
\- "It's been snowing like hell today and it doesn't seem to calm down. I can go do the plowing now."  
\- "No need. I'm already dressed up anyway."

He lifted his phone to take a picture and Perona smiled a little bit while holding Zoro.

\- "I'll call this one 'Zoro solved The Puzzle'." Mihawk smiled and put his phone away.  
\- "What's ' _The_ _Puzzle_ '?"  
\- "The puzzle of love." He chuckled. "You can put the groceries away while I do the snow work."

Perona stood up while still holding Zoro. He peeked a little at Mihawk before reaching out with his hand.

\- "Pappa." He happily called out while waving his out stretched hand.  
\- "Good day to you too." Mihawk smiled and shook Zoros small hand before going back outside.

Zoro went back to nuzzling Perona who huffed a little bit as she lifted one bag with her free hand. She wondered how long she would be able to carry him with just one arm.

\----

Mihawk had finished his work and brushed the snow off of himself before going inside. The wind had calmed down, but the snowflakes were big and heavy. If it kept snowing like that all night it would be hellish to plow the snow in the morning. He put off his outdoor clothes and loosened his tie, that had been bothering him all the time it took him to get back home and plow the snow. He threw it on the counter and started to unbutton his shirt. Halfway through he stopped and breathed deeply. Of all the things he had to suffer for his work, ties must be the worst. 

He quickly made his way to the kitchen where Perona was writing something on one of the letter papers. He had not been sure if she would like the pastel floral design, but it seemed that at least it was passing enough. Zoro was sitting in his high chair and was nibbling on some bread with butter on top.

\- "What are you writing?" Mihawk leaned over to Perona who squeaked and covered the paper with her hands.  
\- "Don't look."

He hummed amused and started to look around on what to cook for dinner.

\- "It's a bit silly, so please don't laugh." Perona said quietly looking at Mihawk.  
He nodded and started cooking.  
\- "It's a love letter I guess. I'm just writing here what has happened and how I've been feeling."  
\- "What are you going to do with it?"

Perona was silent and looked out the window. Mihawk took some quick noodles and frozen vegetables among some meat. He was going to make a wok of sort.

\- "I'm going to visit the grave on Valentines Day and -uh- send it to him."  
\- "Do you want me and Zoro there too?"  
\- "No, it's a bit embarrassing." Perona shook her head. "But I wouldn't mind getting a ride there."  
\- "Alright."

For a while only the sizzling of Mihawks pan could be heard.

\- "I've been thinking..." Mihawk started. "Do you have a drivers license?"  
\- "I do, but I haven't driven in a while. Years in fact."  
\- "I think it might be a good idea to practice a little when the roads get better. Then you wouldn't need to rely on me as much."

Perona puffed her cheeks and looked at him disapprovingly. He made it sound like she was burdening him. He saw her disapproval and shook his head.

\- "It's for your independence and privacy. I do like to drive you around, but you could go somewhere by yourself if you wanted and you wouldn't even need to tell me."  
\- "Would you get me my own car?" She sneered.  
\- "Maybe in due time. What do you think?"  
\- "It's not a bad idea."  
\- "Thought so. For instance you could go with Zoro to Moria. I don't think he would mind if I didn't always come with you two."  
\- "Hmm? I think he likes you."  
\- "I know, but there's still some of that awkwardness between us."  
\- "I guess." Perona sighed in agreement.

It didn't take long for Mihawk to be ready. He gave Zoro just a little bit of the food since he had just eaten. He sat down by the table to eat while Perona got some for herself. She tasted the food and pouted a bit.

\- "It's not good?" Mihawk was slightly worried by her expression.  
\- "No, it's heavenly." Her brows burrowed. "It's unfair how you can be such a good cook."  
\- "Years of practice."  
\- "Not fair. Your son was good too."  
\- "He learned from the best."  
\- "You're so full of yourself. Didn't your father teach you?"

From the mention of his father Mihawks expression darkened a little.

\- "No, self-taught."  
\- "Really? That's amazing."

Perona did notice, but as usual chose not to dig into it as Mihawk seemed to have lost his mood for talking, choosing to instead surf on his phone. He would open up on his own and it could take awhile, but she didn't mind waiting for him. Though not forever. She didn't trust in forever anymore.  
She looked outside. It was pitch black, but she could barely see that the snow was still falling as it hit the window.

\- "I wonder if this will be a long winter."

\----

The whole winter had been the coldest in years and had the most snow too. Mihawk was wiping snow off of his car as it had been snowing once again. Perona chuckled and he looked at her with a questioning look.

\- "Just thought that the world might be mourning his death too."  
\- "Hmm. That would be nice."  
\- "Though he wasn't that good at recycling. Maybe he and Mother Earth were having a secret relationship." She laughed.  
\- "No, he was like Hancock when it came to love. Near obsessive."  
\- "That sounds scary."  
\- "I guess it depends. He and Hancock are the type of people to get completely consumed by their love, though they were smart enough not to do anything stupid like stalking." As he said it Mihawk stiffened for a moment before sighing loudly. "Though not letting go of something that hurts you just because you love it was pretty stupid of her."

Mihawk went to get Zoro while Perona sat in the car holding a small bag. She didn't know if he had noticed, but it applied to them too in a sense. They were still clinging to a memory of a person and chose to be hurt rather than try to stop remembering him. It was stupid from a logical point of view, but very reasonable and human in the end. She didn't say anything when Mihawk returned and put Zoro on his seat. She looked at him carefully and came to the conclusion that the thought had not crossed his mind. 

Once they were at the cemetery Mihawk turned to look at Perona.

\- "Are you sure you don't want us to come there?"  
\- "You can, but I'll stay a bit behind after. It's really awkward."

She couldn't deny Mihawk or Zoro the right to visit the grave since they had drove all the way there. They hadn't taken Zoros stroller, but Mihawk wasn't bothered to carry him and Zoro did walk most of the way by himself anyway. They stayed at the grave for a while. Perona put some new candles and lit them. It had been a bit hard to get to the grave because the walkways were a bit blocked by the snow even if it was a well looked after cemetery. Mihawk didn't say a word, just looked sternly at the grave stone. After a moment of silence, he nodded to Perona and left with Zoro to wait in the car. She made sure that they were far away enough and then pulled the ceramic pot and the thick envelope from her bag. She placed the pot on the grave and the letter in it. She closed her eyes and waited a bit and then set the letter in flames. It burned only a small moment leaving just a little bit of ashes after it. She took the pot and dusted it, letting the ashes fall on the grave and be picket up by the wind. She put the pot in a small plastic bag before putting it back in her bag. She felt stupid, but it had also felt relieving to do it. She had written so much and it felt good to get some of those thoughts and feelings onto paper and this way there was no fear of anyone reading it, just her husband.

She walked back and sat in the car. Mihawk could smell the smoke on her. He didn't say anything, but it was clear to him that Perona had burnt that letter she had spent so long making. She seemed calm and serene so it must have been good for her.

Mihawk chuckled.

The idea was silly, but sometimes it was the silly things that helped the most. Though he was not going try it out himself anytime soon.


	19. What is he up to?

\- "Can we meet up?"

Perona didn't know how to feel about Laws request. Something about him still scared her, even though she knew him better now and they had been talking of her late husband, who seemed to have been a very dear friend to Law. Talking seemed to help him as the negative tones in his messages were disappearing. So of course she couldn't just bluntly say no to him in fear of driving him away. Law was a lot of work to befriend.

\- "The tests for the schools are coming up so I have to concentrate on those. Maybe after them."  
\- "Of course. Good luck with your tests."

She sighed. It wasn't straight up lying, but she was deceiving him. It was the start of March and she had sent her forms and was waiting for invitations to hearings, not for tests.  
To tell the truth she wasn't interested in hearing from the schools anyway. She simply didn't care that much, just wanted to keep living like this with Mihawk and Zoro. Mihawk on the other hand was very keen on knowing if she gets an invitation, though he was rather good at hiding it. Maybe he could sense that she didn't want to talk about it.

Perona opened the dryer pushing thoughts of her school away as well. She pulled the fresh laundry in her basket and then promptly pushed her face in it taking a deep breath. Nothing beat the warmth of just dried clothes in the middle of cold winter. She finally lifted her face up and turned to go sort them out, but stopped when she noticed Mihawk leaning by the door. He seemed amused and Perona blushed embarrassed to have been caught like that.

\- "Do you want to go practice driving?" Mihawk asked out of the blue.  
\- "Right now?" She looked down at her basket.  
\- "In the weekend. I was thinking of renting out a car, because Zoros safety seat is a pain to remove. We could spend the whole Saturday and Sunday driving."  
\- "What about Zoro?"  
\- "I'll drop him off to Morias on Saturday morning before getting the rental."  
\- "It's still winter out there."  
\- "The roads are perfect. I've tested them."

Perona glared at him. He was being too pushy, it was fishy to her.  
\- "What's going on? Why are you so keen on going now?"  
\- "No reason."  
\- "Mihawk." She lowered her voice demanding and could swear he was starting to sweat.  
\- "Nothing really. You want to go?"  
\- "What if I say no?"  
\- "It's actually not an option."

Perona looked at him in disbelief, but he was as stoic as ever.

\- "I don't know what you're planning, but fine."

He seemed pleased and walked off.

\----

Mihawk was sitting on the sofa watching TV with Zoro on his lap. The small boy was enchanted by the show leaning towards it and Mihawk had to push him back so he wouldn't fall of off his lap. It soon changed into a bit more boring one and Zoro leaned back still not taking his eyes off of the TV. He looked at Mihawk for a second and waved his feet.

\- "Massage?" Mihawk asked and Zoro waved his legs a bit more eager.

Mihawk took hold of Zoros feet and started to gently rub them. They didn't really know why Zoro liked to have his feet massaged, maybe he had some growth pains. Perona walked in doing some hand sewing on a ripped seam and sat next to them.

\- "Massage time again?" She asked.

Mihawk hummed joyfully while rubbing the boys feet. Perona sewed for a moment while watching TV. She scrunched up her nose in disgust.

\- "The kids shows get worse every year. They were much better when I was a child."  
\- "Have you thought that maybe kids shows haven't gotten worse, you just look at the old shows through golden glasses of nostalgia."  
\- "Umm, excuse me?" She scoffed offended.  
\- "I've always felt kids shows were a bit stupid."  
\- "Oh and they were so much better in your youth?"  
\- "We didn't have a TV in my childhood. Shanks parents did have one, but I didn't watch it much since there was more interesting things to do with him."  
\- "I've always thought you were posh even as a child."  
\- "Just because my lineage is long doesn't mean we were rich."  
\- "What did your father do for a living?"  
\- "He was an electrician."  
\- "Eh? I thought he was a lawyer too."  
\- "No, just me."  
\- "So why did you become one?"  
\- "Because he wanted me to."  
\- "So it's a case of living your parents dreams?"  
\- "No, he just wanted me to do well in life. And I like being a lawyer."

Zoro then decided he had had enough and wanted to be on the floor so Mihawk helped him down. Zoro went to pick up a stuffed toy and sat down leaning against Mihawks feet.

\- "Seems like you're not going anywhere." Perona sneered.

Mihawk just shrugged.

\- "Can I lean against your shoulder." She asked with a playful tone.  
\- "No."  
\- "C'mon, please." She begged a little.

Lacking the earlier freedom in touching Mihawk, was killing her slowly. It was to help her in letting go of her husband and have a more healthy relationship with Mihawk, but to be denied the simplest touch just because she wanted to be close with him for no reason, felt draining.

\- "Zoro's already filled my touch capacity for the day."  
\- "You need to buy some additional space for it. Feels like it runs out before I get to use any."  
\- "Are you jealous to your own child?" He laughed softly.  
\- "Watch out or I'll return you to the shop for malfunctioning." She grumbled and returned to her sewing.

They all sat silently watching the TV show, which wasn't really made to keep the adults entertained so Mihawk turned his head to inspect Peronas craft. He was just silently watching, but she felt bothered by it. Somehow it felt warm to her and she wasn't used to being looked at so intensely.  
Well not by Mihawk anyway.

\- "Can you stop, I'm trying to concentrate."  
\- "Hmm, you know they're going to watch you work at the school too."  
\- "If I get into any."  
\- "I know you will. When will the replies arrive?"  
\- "When you stop asking."  
\- "Are you angry at me?"  
\- "Just stop asking the same thing over and over. Somewhere around March and April."  
\- "Seems like someones nervous." He sneered and turned back to the TV.

Perona rose from the sofa. She was frustrated and stormed off.

\----

Perona was washing the dishes and Mihawk sat by the table. He was trying to look through the news, but couldn't quite stop looking at her work. He liked the way she moved when she lifted something up to dry. The subtle changes in her stand. The delicate hand holding onto something as she inspected it's state of cleanness. Somehow it was fascinating to watch her work.  
She turned and he was quick to shift his gaze back to his tablet. He felt ashamed looking at her in secret, like it was something to be ashamed of, when there was absolutely nothing wrong in watching a family member go about their day.

\- "So what is so special about next weekend?" She crossed her arms and tapped her foot impatiently.  
\- "Nothing." He was planning something, but wanted to keep it a secret just to to see all the different emotions she went through trying to figure him out.  
\- "C'mon, tell me." She whined while lifting her chin up.  
\- "We are going to train your driving skill, nothing else."  
\- "Ugh! You're driving me crazy." Perona spun back to the dishes.

Mihawk chuckled.

He liked being near her, because of how amusing she was and how her and Zoros company made him feel less hurt than he was. They kept him busy.   
When he felt she was completely consumed by her task his gaze wondered back to her.

\----

Finally the weekend was there. Mihawk had taken Zoro to Morias and had gotten the rental car. Perona was waiting anxiously to go and was spacing around the house. She wanted to be done with this as soon as possible. Mihawk walked up to her with a bag on his shoulder. He looked amused.

\- "Can we go now?" Perona asked through gritted teeth.  
\- "You need to pack first."  
\- "Pack? For a car trip?"  
\- "Were going to be on it over night, so you need your pyjamas, and change of clothes. Preferrably clean. And what ever else you think you might need sleeping in a motel."  
\- "Whaat? Why such a long trip. Wouldn't it be smarter to practice city driving since it's harder than on the country side?"  
\- "We're doing both don't worry. You trust me, right?" Mihawk looked at her warmly.  
\- "Yes" Perona stuttered and blushed. Why was she blushing all of a sudden?  
\- "Then go pack." He chuckled.

\----

Straight away they started to drive out of town. Mihawk said it was safer to start from the easy part first. She followed his directions and answered his questions about the rules of traffic. He seemed to be impressed by her good memory, since it had been so long since she last drove. They stopped sometimes to practice things like parking and filling the tank.

They finally arrived to a small rural town and Mihawk seemed to be looking around searching something and keenly following his map. Finally they arrived at their destination. It was a rather large bath house. Mihawk told her to park there and they got off the car. She looked around with her mouth hanging open. All the cars seemed to be expensive and she nearly gasped when they got to the reception. It was so high end.

\- "Why?" Perona asked in agony as they were walking to their rooms.  
\- "Because today is my birthday and I wanted to to something nice and not worry."  
\- "Eh? Your birthday? Why didn't you tell me earlier? I could have gotten you something."  
\- "And ruin the surprise? Your face is a gift enough." He chuckled.  
\- "Ru-rude! And what about Zoro? He doesn't get to participate."  
\- "Sometimes it's good to spend time just between us adults." He hummed. "Also he's a bit too young for this place. All the time would go according to his needs and I figured a whole day of activities would be more fun than changing diapers and hoping he doesn't get a tantrum or pee in the kiddie pool."

Perona could not argue back. The rare day off from parenting was more compelling to the alternative.  Mihawk gave her a list of activities and she felt giddy reading through it. She compared hers to Mihawks. There was a few things that seemed to collide such as dinner, sauna, swimming and sleep.

Swimming?

She didn't have a swim suit and just as horror started to settle on her face Mihawk chuckled and dug her swim suit from his bag.

\- "I hope this fits."  
\- "Thanks a lot! You're horrible." She snatched it off of his hands.

He just laughed and went to his room. Perona went to hers and was in awe of the luxury. She jumped on the bed and realized it was a water bed. She had never been on one. She carefully eased off of it and then tried on her swimsuit, a frilly spotted bikini.   
It seemed to fit perfectly which was a small miracle since the last time she's used it was before her pregnancy. She did have a newer one piece she had used at baby-swimming classes with Zoro, but Mihawk probably hadn't found that one. She looked at the silver lines on her belly and sighed. She felt self-conscious, even after she had been able to loose all that baby fat, but there was no way she would miss out on the pool. She looked in the locker and took the bathrobe from it putting it on. She tied her hair in a bun. She exited the room and Mihawk was waiting there for her since the first thing they were going to was the pool. He too was wearing his bathrobe and flip-flops that came with. Perona blushed. She was slightly angry to have been tricked like this.

\- "You liar." She hissed.  
\- "The only thing I lied about was the motel, nothing else." Mihawk looked at her amused. "We did go practice driving, didn't we?"

She blushed a deeper red as she followed him. There were people there that took care they would stay on schedule as it was a popular resort. They took their bathrobes and flip flops as they entered the pool.

\- "What if I want to dry myself?" She squeaked.  
\- "You ask one of the workers for a towel." He didn't really look at her.

Perona felt now extremely self-conscious. All the people around seemed so beautiful and rich. Meanwhile she was so basic and had scars and was dirt poor. If anything she should be working here.

\- "I shouldn't be here." She whimpered.  
\- "What? You can't swim?" Mihawk looked at her slightly worried.

Just as he looked at her, her hands shot over her belly and she blushed the same pink shade her swimwear was. She looked away embarrassed. Mihawk looked her over. The way she tried hiding her stomach was a tell tale signs of bad body image. He felt bad for surprising her like this.

\- "I'm sorry about the swimsuit. Of surprising you like this. You don't need to go swimming if you don't want to."

Perona shook her head and looked longingly at the pools and the various elements added to them.

\- "Then what troubles you." Mihawk moved a bit closer to her.  
\- "I don't really belong here. There's just rich and beautiful people here."  
\- "Not all the people here are rich, you're imagining it. Some people safe money to make a trip like this." Mihawk calmly explained.  
\- "Well they're mostly pretty people like you." Perona pouted.

Mihawks eyes widened and he coughed a bit before clearing his throat.

\- "Everyone is self-unconscious of their bodies. Who wouldn't be?"  
\- "You... Hancock."  
\- "Hancock has stretch marks too. On her breasts, belly and thighs. She is actually so self-conscious she has built a persona of a scary empress to hide her insecurities."  
\- "Really?" She looked at him and relaxed a bit.  
\- "Yes. Now, let's have a nice weekend." Mihawk pointed at a tall water slide. "Son used to love that. Let's start with it."  
\- "Okay." Perona answered shyly.

Perona followed Mihawk and looked at him. All she could think about was how strong and good he looked. It felt a bit wrong to think like that, but there was no harm in appreciating silently. Mihawk usually wore an open shirt so she was used to seeing his chest, but she really liked his back too.  
He climbed onto the slide. As he did it he lifted his left arm and Perona could see a scar on his chest usually hidden by his arm and clothes. He slid down before she could say anything. Where was that scar from?

She didn't get to think long as it was her turn to slide down.  
It was horrifying and she screamed all the way down and chomped on a lot of water. Mihawk was waiting down for her and let her take a hold of himself as she coughed some of the water away. She sniveled and looked at Mihawk angrily as he led her to the side of the pool so her legs reached the bottom.

\- "How can someone enjoy something like that?"  
\- "Maybe not that but from here you swim down a small stream made to look like an actual river, but without the nastiness that comes with it." He seemed to be enjoying himself.  
\- "It can't be that fun." She snorted.  
\- "I like to be here, but the best part is, that there's a chance, that as we speak Shanks is staring at a note on the door of my study." Mihawk remarked cheerfully.  
\- "That's mean. He's a friend who cares about you."  
\- "Maybe, but he is also a thorn on my side." He laughed quietly.  
\- "Talking about your side, where's that scar from?"

Perona lifted his arm to get a better look. It was most definitely an old surgical scar. The placing was unusual for basic surgery, maybe an accident had happened. But while she looked, Mihawk took a hold of her arm and lifted it up.

\- "Hey, what are you doing?"  
\- "The same as you." He looked sternly at her.  
\- "What happened to your chest?"  
\- "None of your business."  
\- "No, it's definitely my business."  
\- "Well, you tell me, ex-nurse."

She stared back at Mihawk and he looked angrily at her. They both kept still and stared at each other, holding the others arm up. But then he eased his hold letting go of her arm and she did the same. And his eyes changed from cold and angry to soft, sad and warm.

\- "Please, Perona. Please let it go."

She looked away ashamed of herself.   
How could she let her curiosity take over like that. Of course something behind a scar was a bad memory. It was not her business at all. She took a hold of his hand.

\- "I'm sorry. It's your birthday and I'm asking you to remember something that hurt you."  
\- "It's alright. I know you can be prone to worrying." He squeezed her hand and started to lead her forward. "Come. The day is not completely lost yet."

And for a second he had the most softest and sweetest of smiles and she couldn't help, but feel her heart flutter.

\----

The trail was interesting and fun. Perona would have wanted to do it again, but there were other things to try out before their time would end. Mihawk was somewhat more playful than usual. He seemed to be letting go of his reservations in order to feel at ease with Perona and it caught to her. They got into a water fight so big, an attendant had to come and tell them to tone it down.

\- "That was so much fun." Perona smiled happily.

Mihawk smiled back at her while putting on his bathrobe.

\- "So next is sauna. Do you think you could beat me?" She giggled and started to put on her robe.  
\- "I'm sorry, Perona, but we'll be seeing again at the dinner."  
\- "But I thought some of the things would be done together."  
\- "Yes, but from here on out I had our activities divided."  
\- "Huh? Why would you do that?"  
\- "You actually want to see me naked?" Mihawk raised his brow.

Perona turned deep carmine red and turned away from him as he started to laugh.

\----

\- "I feel like I'm melting."

Perona sighed as they sat in the dining hall waiting for a waiter to come pick their order. The pampering had been heavenly. Her skin was soft and smooth and it felt like all of her bones and muscles disappeared from her body, so relaxed she was. It was all even better because she was now wearing comfortable clean clothes, would soon eat something delicious and then get to sleep on soft clean sheets with a thick blanket.  
Mihawk was looking relaxed as well. His cheeks were flush and eyes closed.

A waitress came to take their order and it didn't take long for their food to arrive. It was simply divine. A sigh escaped her lips as they finished their food.

\- "I think I'll need to roll out of here."  
\- "Hmm."

But they were able -albeit slowly- to make their way to their rooms. She was dead tired, but looked at him.

\- "You won't mind if I spend a moment in your room?"  
\- "Not at all."

She bounced onto his bed and laid there as he went to brush his teeth.

\- "Water beds are weird. They're wobbly and make you loose balance easily. But it feels like you're weightless once it settles down."  
\- "I guess so." Came in his reply and then the sound of his electric toothbrush.

Perona closed her eyes for a moment and made the bed lull. She giggled at the feeling. It was nice and calming.

\- "Maybe you should go to your own bed to sleep."   
Mihawk looked at her from the edge of his bed. He had at some point finished brushing.  
\- "I wasn't asleep." She chuckled.  
\- "But you will be soon, if you continue like this."

Softly he glanced over her body and she blushed. Why was he making her heart flutter so much? Clumsily she wobbled out of the bed. She was so tired. But there was one thing she still had to do.

\- "Mihawk come here." She beckoned him closer.

He went to her and looked at her confused. Sometimes she forgot how tall he was and cursed in her mind.

\- "Lean a bit lower." She acted coy.

Mihawk looked at her a bit suspicious, but leaned down. Then Perona gave him a warm hug holding him tightly. He shuddered when he felt her warm breath against his skin and she softly whispered "Happy birthday" before letting him go. She giggled when she saw his face and ears red. Mihawk rarely blushed deeply and it was fun to know he was an ear blusher. Mihawk looked away rubbing his cheeks and patted her on the head as a thanks. They bid each other good night and Perona went to her room.

She was putting the alarm to wake herself and checked the messages she had gotten. One was from Moria, a voice mail telling that all was good. And a couple from Law.

\- "Saw this cat video. Reminded me of you."  
\- "Just something to lighten the mood."  
\- "Too much studying is not good. You need to rest well too."

Perona felt a light sting in her heart. Law thought she was studying, when in reality she was out here having fun. She didn't feel good about lying to him at all.

\- "Hey, the cat video was cute, definitely me. Today I was at a spa relaxing. Mihawk tricked me here. I'm sorry I haven't been completely honest, but I'm actually waiting for invitations to hearings not tests. I'm just not completely comfortable with meeting you just yet. You did make me feel really unsafe."

She waited for a moment for Law to reply, seeing him start to type then stop and start again, but  in the end he didn't. She laid on the bed and tried relaxing, but she felt bad. She was right in being cautious of him, but still it felt bad since he had been nice now that they were messaging. She sighed deeply, but remembered how Mihawk had looked at her. The memory felt warm and she slipped into sleep.

Mihawk on the other hand, was laying on his bed and felt uncomfortably warm. Peronas hug had made him so happy, he didn't feel it could be possible. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his cheeks and tried to drive the thoughts of her away. She was making his heart flutter and he didn't know what to do. It hurt and made him nauseous. No one had made him feel like this ever before.

He could not understand her anymore.


	20. It's not a date!

Zoro was grabbing onto his mother's leg. She was making something on the counter, but he could not see and he really needed to know what was going on, but she refused to hold him so this was the second best option. He took a good hold and bounced up and down trying to get a better view. He stopped when Mommy looked down at him. He grinned, but it soon vanished when Mommy frowned at him. He opened his hands letting go of the fabric of her pants. He kept looking up and gently held her leg. She sighed, but smiled lightly before continuing what she was doing. Zoro accepted, that he could not see what she was doing, so he tried his best to listen instead. It was more boring, but could not be helped.   
His concentration broke when he heard the out door make a noise and he just had to go take a look. He peeked behind the corner and saw his grandfather taking off his jacket. He ran towards him joyfully calling his name:

\- "Pappa! Pappa! Pappa!"

Before Mihawk could even react Zoro had grasped onto his leg and was bouncing up and down. He looked at the toddler and smiled surprised. He knelt down to inspect what he was wearing.

\- "So you're a panda today?" He asked as he lifted up the hood of his jumpsuit.  
\- "Panda." Zoro repeated and grabbed onto Pappas hand. "Up." Came a small demand.  
\- "Sorry, not right now." He rose away from him.

Zoro pouted and looked at what Pappa was doing. He was taking something out of his bag and gave it to him.

\- "Pappa bought you a new puzzle. This one has a tiger in it." He pointed at a picture of a tiger on the package.  
\- "Tigel!" Zoro squealed happily.  
\- "Go show Mommy what you got." Mihawk turned him to face the kitchen.

Zoro started to run excited holding onto the precious box. Midway he stumbled and fell on his face. He stayed down a bit and Mihawk looked at him worried.   
Finally he rose up. He sniveled a bit and looked at Pappa who was smiling encouragingly. Zoro grinned and a tear fell on his cheek. This time he walked carefully to his mother.

\- "Mommy, look! Look! Tigel!" He waved the puzzle box in his hands.  
\- "That's so great, Zoro." Perona smiled, but then looked a bit worried. "Did you fall on your way here?"

Zoro lowered the box and let his mother take a look. His nose was red and eyes too.   
Perona blew on his nose and kissed it.

\- "There, all better." She smiled sweetly. "Let me open that for you."

Zoro was happy that Mommy had taken the hurt away, so of course she could take the treasure from him. Mommy removed a layer of shiny off of the box and then opened it. She took a puzzle out and removed a layer of shiny out of that too. She took hold of Zoros hand and moved him a bit further away so he wouldn't be on her way.

\- "There you go."

She held out the new puzzle and Zoro was ecstatic. He dropped all the pieces on the floor and started to play with it. He solved the tiger one first, then a giraffe, an elephant, a zebra and a monkey. Once he was done he showed the puzzle to Mommy.

\- "Well done, Zoro."

Getting praise from Mommy warmed Zoros heart so so much. He just had to redo the puzzle again.

Mihawk walked in the room and looked pleased as Zoro was busy with his puzzle. He turned to Perona and sniffed her cooking.

\- "Smells good."  
\- "It's going to be good." She huffed.  
\- "Did you make Zoros onesie?"  
\- "It's so cute on him, isn't it." Her eyes sparkled of excitement as she quickly looked at Zoro and then Mihawk.  
\- "At first I thought it was store bought."  
\- "Aww, you!" She was happy and kicked his shin softly.

Mihawk hummed amused and went to sit by the table. Perona was certain he quickly looked at her with such warmth, it should not be possible for him. She glanced at him quickly to see him looking at Zoro play. Maybe it had been a figment of her imagination.  
Her phone buzzed on the table and she dashed to look. It was from Chiffon, which slightly disappointed her. Law had not messaged her back and it was April already. She had tried to send him messages to explain herself, but he just did not answer. She sighed and checked what Chiffon had written.

\- "Chiffon wants to go to an Easter event with me and Zoro."  
\- "That sounds nice, you should go."  
\- "Will you drive us there?"

Mihawk frowned a little. Perona was more than capable of driving herself, but she wasn't that keen on taking the initiative. She was still slightly scared of driving.

\- "Maybe you should. I think it would be nice to get some alone time for myself."  
\- "Gross pervert."  
\- "Nothing like that." Mihawk grumbled. "I was thinking of updating the photo albums."  
\- "And then be a gross pervert." Perona sneered.

Mihawk could only sigh.

\----

The room was nearly dark only lit by the light from the TV. Perona and Mihawk were watching a movie together, as Zoro was already sleeping. She was craving to be touched, but it would not do to cuddle with Mihawk since she was already thinking of her husband. At these moments she would have cuddled with him. Not that Mihawk wasn't nice and all, just-

She stopped her thought. What the hell was she thinking? Of course she shouldn't be cuddling with her father-in-law. He was just warm and nice because they were family.

Perona huffed which caught Mihawks attention.

\- "Is the movie bad?"  
\- "No. I was just thinking on stuff."  
\- "Hmm. Zoros birthday is near, isn't it?"  
\- "May 11th."  
\- "It's pretty close." He grinned. "I can't wait to make his cake."  
\- "It's still a month away." She groaned.  
\- "Aren't you a little bit excited?" He nudged her side with his knuckles.

Perona didn't answer. She really wasn't, but she shouldn't say that. She wasn't really that excited of anything. Not the summer, the potential schools or anything. Even thinking of Zoros coming milestones only made her feel sick. But saying so would only worry Mihawk.

\- "Well a little." She sighed.

Mihawk chuckled and ruffled her hair. He rose from the sofa.

\- "I can't watch trash like this sober."  
\- "Well then don't. I'd rather have you not drink at all."

They stared at each other. Mihawk looked like he might consider sitting back down, but still went to get himself a glass of wine. Perona frowned disappointed and checked her phone. She was amazed to find a message from Law.

\- "It's been awhile. I was angry at you, as I thought we had put that back into the past, but since then I've been thinking. I have no excuse for what I did back then and I wish that you can trust me like a friend in the future."  
\- "It's alright. I think it would have kept nagging between us if I didn't say anything."  
\- "Maybe. Have you heard anything from the schools."  
\- "Two invitations."  
\- "That's amazing! Does it mean we can't see each other? That you'll be busy studying?"  
\- "There's no tests, just hearings."

\- "And you're texting. See, I need this."  
Mihawk came in chuckling and Perona fumbled a bit with her cellphone nearly dropping it. She gave him an angry look.

\- "You gave me a fright!"

Mihawk sat down and sneered:

\- "I wonder what kind of naughty thing you were writing to have such bad conscience."

Perona snarled at him as he smugly took a sip of his wine. She then turned her attention back to her phone.

\- "I guess we could meet up."  
\- "That would be great."  
\- "Some place like a cafe."  
\- "Anything goes."

\- "If you're just going to be texting, go somewhere else and let me have the sofa."

Mihawk poked her leg with his and lifted it on the sofa. She glared at him. It had been her idea to watch this movie. Defiantly he looked straight into her eyes and took a sip of his wine. This annoyed her a great deal. She grabbed onto his leg and pulled it on her lap.

\- "Now you've got all the space and I won't need to leave. Happy?" She huffed angrily and set her phone aside.

Mihawk didn't reply, but placed his other foot on her lap too. He looked at her for a moment and then set his wineglass aside. Perona was getting pulled back into the movie and without thinking she started to gently pet Mihawks legs.

She felt a warm pair of eyes on her and she turned to look at Mihawk, but he was watching the movie.

It had been so weird lately.

Maybe it was a figment of her imagination, but she felt like he was looking at her differently. Maybe it was the way he looked at the people he loved, his family. She wasn't certain.   
But for some reason, those moments made her heart flutter. They made her happier.

\----

Standing before the school, Perona looked at it nervous. She glanced behind her. Chiffon was there to give her strength since the hearing was in the middle of the day. Perona almost felt her knees buckle and she dashed to Chiffon. Chiffon let out a small squeak as Perona harshly glomped her. 

\- "It's scary I wanna go home." She whimpered.  
\- "You've done this before remember. It's not so bad." Chiffon laughed.

Perona groaned and went to Zoro, who sat in his stroller.

\- "Please give Mommy some strength."

She held her hands out and Zoro placed his hands on hers, without letting his eyes off of the stroller next to his, where sat baby Pez. They were having some weird silly face competition.

\- "Uuh, I guess that's good enough."  
\- "You can do it, Perona." Chiffon looked at her encouragingly.  
\- "Dammit, you're right!" Perona straightened out. "I am the only one capable of making my dreams come true. Good things are just bound to happen. And even if I fail I still get to live with Zoro and Mihawk."  
\- "That's the spirit!" Chiffon was getting fired up as well.

But in the interview, her resolution faltered.

\- "Why should we take you in our school?" One of the interviewers, Bellemere, looked at her sternly.  
\- "Ah umm." Perona felt panicky and sweated.

The early question of her background were easy to answer, but something like this... 

Dammit! 

She had practiced this at home, but now her mind was blank. The second interviewer wrote something on their paper. Perona kept stuttering, trying to find the words.

\- "Why are you passionate about sewing? Why it interests you? What makes you stand out?" Bellemere tried to help out.  
\- "Just uh. I've always liked dressing up and I'm imaginative. I'm actually pretty head strong and won't get pushed aside. Just a bit nervous of this situation."

Perona could see Bellemere start to smile amused and realized, that she had messed up by admitting her nervousness.

\- "Since you like dressing up, shouldn't you try a career that has more to do with that? Acting?"  
\- "No, because I also like to create. Can I show you something?"  
\- "Go ahead."

Perona dug her bag and lifted up her sketchbook. She also took some printed photos of the clothes she had sewn for Zoro. She also had his panda-jumpsuit with her. The interviewers looked at her assembly. They carefully looked over the jumpsuit, comparing it to the original sketch.

\- "You did this?"  
\- "Yes."  
\- "It's actually quite good. We don't usually expect to see a portfolio, so this is a pleasant surprise." Bellemere said and wrote something on her papers. "Do you have something you might want to add?"  
\- "No, nothing."  
\- "Alright then I think were done here." She looked at the other interviewer who nodded. "You'll be getting notified about our decision. Thank you for coming here."  
\- "Thank you. Good bye."

Perona stumbled outside where Chiffon was waiting with the toddlers at a nearby bench. Her hands shook as she sat down next to her.

\- "How did it go?"  
\- "Horrible."  
\- "Well you don't know that yet."  
\- "Uuh, I do." She covered her face with her hands. 

Chiffon petted Peronas back.

\- "At least it's over now."  
\- "I still got another one to go."  
\- "You can do it!"  
\- "I guess. Wanna go shopping now?"  
\- "Of course."

Perona liked going out with Chiffon. Chiffon didn't judge, was fun to be around and as a mother of a child nearly the same age as Zoro she was going through the same things. They had gotten something to eat and were sitting at a park bench. It was such a warm day. Pez started to whine and Chiffon took him up. Apparently it was feeding time. Perona always felt extremely envious of Chiffons ability to breast feed her child, something she herself had always struggled with. She had planned of doing it until Zoro was nearly three, but forcibly had to stop. It was something she would always regret. Somehow regardless of the stress or how her breasts seemingly stopped working, she should have forced herself to keep on trying.   
She gave Zoro his bottle, filled with the formula. He didn't really seem to dislike it anymore which was a little bit of a relief. Perona pulled her legs to her chest and side glanced at Chiffon and Pez. The two looked so perfect.

\- "Does the interview still trouble you?" Chiffon asked slightly worried.  
\- "No, no. I'm just a bit jealous that's all."  
\- "Of what?"  
\- "You being able to feed your child." Perona hugged her feet a bit tighter.  
\- "Oh, I'm sorry." Chiffon knew of Peronas troubles and started to cover herself and Pez.  
\- "Wait, no, no! Don't." Perona made her stop. "I appreciate what you're trying, but you're doing something so wonderful, I don't want to make you feel like an inconvenience."

Chiffon sighed a bit relieved and she petted Peronas back slightly.

\- "I've read a study that the effect of breastfeeding isn't as big as thought. It's just that women who choose to do so tend to be more concerned of health issues." She moved down to gently look Perona in the eyes. "Just so you know, you're doing wonderful with Zoro."

Perona whimpered a silent thank you, bit her lip and started to cry. Chiffon kept on calmly petting her back.

\----

Mihawk was sitting on his armchair reading a book when Perona returned with Zoro. She undressed his outdoor clothes before letting him go. Instantly he ran to Mihawk and grabbed onto his leg. Mihawk started to do the lifting they normally did, but Zoro was getting too big for it and Perona could see Mihawk straining a little bit. She sat and looked at them both. It was so bittersweet to see Zoro grow. Her eyes got wet.

\- "Did it go badly?" Mihawk looked at her. He had noticed the redness of her eyes.  
\- "No."  
\- "Then what's the problem?"  
\- "Zoro. You know you can't do that anymore soon."  
\- "I might not be able to fully lift him, but I'll try as long as he wants it."  
\- "Doesn't it make you sad, having to stop doing things because he gets too big?"  
\- "A little, but all those nice things will get replaced by other things. I might not get to lift him like this, but I'll get to play football with him later."

Mihawk closed his eyes and smiled a little, while lifting Zoro. Finally he stopped and sighed.

\- "Pappa is tired now."

This earned him a pout from Zoro, but the child did stop. He ran off to his toy box picking random assortment of colourful toys dropping them in the middle of the floor. He expectantly looked at Mihawk.

\- "Play." He pointed at the toys.  
\- "Alright." He went down on the floor with Zoro.

Perona looked on and sighed. She checked her phone.

\- "I could do next Saturday at one." Read Laws message.

\- "Hey Mihawk, do you have anything on Saturday?"  
\- "No."  
\- "Can you babysit Zoro while I'm gone?"  
\- "Of course. What are you going to do?"  
\- "Just a date." She quickly explained herself. "A meeting. Not a romantic date."  
\- "Aha." Mihawk looked a bit skeptical, but kept his mouth shut. He had promised Perona not to meddle in her affairs.  
\- "It's really not that sort of date." Perona mumbled embarrassed.  
\- "Perona, you can do what ever you please as long as it's not damaging to anyone."  
\- "Ah, yes, but-"  
\- "I'm playing with Zoro right now." Mihawk cut her short. Talking about this wasn't what he wanted to do. It was stinging his heart unnecessarily.

Perona rose from the sofa to put away the rest of her things. Of course Mihawk was angry at her. She was angry at herself. This wasn't a date, she kept telling herself and Law. Not a date.

Then why did she feel so ashamed?

\----

Perona was on her way to the "not-a-date". It was sunny and nice, though a bit chilly, but one didn't need to wear a jacket anymore. She stopped before her reflection on a window.  
A simple blouse and skinny jeans, hair on a loose bun on top of her head, with a bow and unicorn shaped cute pins. She had a small bag over her shoulder. She had put on simple make-up, so she wouldn't look like a slob.   
As she stared at her reflection only one thought crossed her mind:

\- "I'm definitely over dressed, he'll think this is a date for sure."

She had tried her best to stay casual and she did look so to the passerby, but still she felt uncertain. But there was no turning back now, for Law would hate her if she did a last minute cancel, he was a very busy man after all.  
She walked slowly towards her destination and saw him wait by the door to a cafe casually looking at his cellphone listening to music. He was wearing a black long sleeved shirt, a fluffy black scarf and his typical hat. During the time they had not seen, he had grown a beard. It made her want to know what a beard would have looked like on her husband.  
A small sigh escaped her lips.

\- "Hey." She came to him with a weak smile. "Have you waited for long?"  
\- "No." Law tugged off his earphones and shoved them in his pocket along with his cell phone. "I didn't think you'd actually show up." He looked visibly surprised, but glad.  
\- "Well I'm here now."  
\- "Thank you."

Law smiled a little relieved. He was so different to the small interactions they've had in the past. Maybe he was just being shy right now or maybe that unpredictable violent side had dulled a bit with their messaging. She hoped it was the latter.

\- "Uh, sorry, but you look sad." He looked a bit worried. "Is something wrong?"  
\- "I just wondered what a beard would look like on him."  
\- "Oh. I don't think he was the beard type of guy."  
\- "You're probably right. Though his beard didn't grow so well yet so he preferred to shave it."  
\- "Too young."

Perona nodded silently. He had passed on too young. There should have been more years left for them. Tears swelled in her eyes. Law lifted his hand to touch her back, but decided against it. Instead he gestured to the door.

\- "Maybe we should go inside?"  
\- "Yeah, you're right." She quickly rubbed her eyes, careful not to mess up her make-up.

After ordering their drinks they sat at a table in the corner. There was a small awkward silence between them.

\- "So how have the interviews been?"  
\- "Okay I guess. I'm probably not who they're looking for anyway."  
\- "Probably."

Perona puffed her cheeks. He was not supposed to say something like that, but she let it pass.

\- "How has your work been?"  
\- "Busy."

Another awkward silence. This whole situation felt unbearable. Completely different from their messaging where he sounded positive and was quick to answer and keep the conversation going. Perona averted her eyes from him and took a sip of her drink. Law looked at his cup holding it with both of his hands.

\- "Sorry. It's a bit easier to talk to others when not face-to-face."  
\- "I- Yes, you're right."

Another silence. Perona looked at her bag and took her sketch book.

\- "I showed them this in the interviews. They were pleasantly surprised."

Law eyed over some of her sketches and smiled a bit.

\- "They're okay."  
\- "Not just okay, but great, you ass!"  
\- "What?"

Peronas hands flew over her mouth and Law looked at her shocked. To her shock he burst into laughter and she soon joined in.

\- "Calling me an ass. What the hell?" He chuckled  
\- "I'm sorry, you're supposed to be more supportive, stupid."  
\- "I'm a bit of a pessimist to be honest. Don't want to get peoples hopes up so they wont be left down when they fail."  
\- "You think I'm going to fail?"  
\- "Definitely."  
\- "Rude."

From there the conversation started to flow more naturally. It went into all directions and at times Law did bring up her husband and the memories he had with him. It felt so heart-warming that there were others who missed him as much as she did.   
Time passed rather quickly. Law persuaded Perona to let him walk her home and she finally did. They were in no rush and kept on talking. When they were at the start of her home road she stopped. Law studied her while she fidgeted slightly as she was thinking on how to express herself right to him.

\- "I don't think it's a good idea to have you walk me all the way."  
\- "Why?"  
\- "Just- uh- I don't think my father-in-law would like it at all. He thinks this is a date."  
\- "It's not?"  
\- "It's not!" She cried out and blushed. "Well not in a romantic way or anything. Just two friends hanging out."  
\- "Then there should be no problem."  
\- "Well yeah, but still I'd rather have you not."

Perona looked down at her feet and spun her fingers. Law smirked and bend down to kiss her cheek. She squeaked surprised. Enraged she turned to chastise him, but Law was already walking off waving his hand.

\- "Can't wait for the next not-a-date."

Perona blushed wildly and rubbed her cheek. The sensation that Laws kiss left her with was completely different from her husbands kisses. She felt guilty. Tears started to roll down her cheeks.

She missed her husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I totally know Zoro's birthday isn't in May, but on the other hand I didn't think the story would go this long. Thus the timeline is all fucked up. Sorry. ;A; 
> 
> This is my first long story ever as I didn't even know I liked writing this much. I really thought I would get bored or something, as I didn't like my writing back then, but I was encouraged by people so I kept on going. I'm really grateful to them. 
> 
> Now I like to re-read this and see myself getting better, when I compare the first chapters to the later ones. Also I like the story so... I've read this so many times. Most views are propably from myself. lol TwT


	21. Spring

Small church. A woman, a man, and a priest look down on a small child. Around the child's neck is a delicate golden chain and on it hangs a small golden cross, that he tries to gnaw at only to be gently stopped by his mother. The man gently pets the child's soft raven hair and then looks at his wife, with so much love and adoration it can almost be felt. He wants to keep her and their small son safe. Wants to protect those gentle golden eyes from the cruelties of the world, keep the pale moonlight skin from tanning under the harsh sun. He loves them both so much. Her and their son. The priest splashes cold water on the child's head and shocked he starts to cry. The parents smile at their child and coo his name.

\----

Mihawk groaned as he shakily swept sweat off of his brow. He reached for his nightstand and picked up a tissue to blow his nose. He sat up on his bed, eyes puffy red and a stuffy nose. 

Finally it was May. In a mere week everything had tuned sap green. The bushes and trees had small leaves open and the trees were mid bloom. He hated this time of the year, even though he loved doing the yard work that came with it. He rubbed his head and took another paper to sneeze again. It was time to get ready for another weekend. Though this one was slightly special.

He grabbed his pants from the bed post and after a quick visit to the bathroom and checking if his beard needed shaving, he returned to the bed. He put on a grey t-shirt with v-neck and then combed his hair back as usual. He opened the first drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a small box. From it he took his small cross, or well, it wasn't actually his anymore, but his son's. For generations the small christening cross had been passed in his family from the head of the family to the next. He had given it to his son when christened and kept it safe until his confirmation, just like his father had done for him. But when he had tried giving it back to his son, he had refused.

\- "You keep it safe for me father. I'm sure I'll loose it before I'll get a kid of my own."

Son had never been religious, which was slightly Mihawks own fault, since he had lost faith when his father had killed himself and thus hadn't been too keen to practice it. He really didn't want to believe in God if it meant his father would be in hell for eternity.   
But he did believe in family traditions.

After son had said he would get the cross when it was time to give it to his own child, Mihawk had bent and kept it safe in a drawer. But as years went on they forgot about the small cross. Not that it truly mattered anymore, since Perona didn't belong in the church, neither did Zoro, so he didn't get christened. And he was given his mother's last name: Roronoa.   
Though son had tried to explain the reasoning behind the decision, Mihawk never understood why Perona had not taken Dracule as her last name, but it didn't really matter anymore.   
Maybe it was better this way for the two.

Mihawk slipped the cross over his head. He had found it again when doing the big clean up. He had been angry at himself for not giving the cross back to his son when Zoro had born and had decided to give it to Perona to keep it safe. But he could not do it. The small cross bore such weight to him, he could not pass it on anymore. Technically he had already, so he didn't have to. Still his thoughts did go to Perona from time to time when fiddling with the small cross. Would she be angry if she knew how he chose to keep the heirloom for himself, just because it reminded him of his son? Or maybe she already knew of the history the small piece of jewelry had and chose to not care. Mihawk couldn't ask her in fear that she might hate him for it or want to have the cross for herself.

Mihawk slowly went downstairs. After taking his allergy medicine and some water, he put on his sneakers and went for his usual jog. Today he was going to keep it short, due to his allergy and the fact that he had things to do at home. Once he was back he changed off of his sweaty shirt to a clean one and started to make Zoros formula while eating breakfast. He snuck to Zoros and Peronas room. She was hidden by her sheets still asleep, but Zoro was expectantly looking out of his crib and looked delighted when he saw his beloved Pappa. It was routine now that Mihawk do the early morning feed since he was up at the time. He quickly changed Zoros diaper and set him in his chair in the kitchen, before giving him his bottle.

\- "Happy birthday Zoro."

Mihawk hummed happily as he was returned the bottle. Zoro looked at him weirdly. What did Pappa mean?

\- "Did you know you're two already?" Mihawk lifted two of his fingers up.  
Zoro did the same gesture with his own hand though he was still clumsy.  
\- "That's how old you are." Mihawk smiled. "Mommy is 24-years-old and Pappa is 43-years-old."

Zoro raised a brow. He really didn't get any of it. Mihawk chuckled and ruffled his hair. He took him up from his chair and set down on the floor. They played whatever Zoro whished to play. He rushed to his animal box and grabbed onto a cow toy and gave it to Mihawk. With each toy Mihawk confirmed which animal it was and asked if Zoro wanted to give it to him. Plastic animal after the other ended onto Mihawks lap. There was a couple of tigers Zoro kept to himself. On a striped zebra toy Zoro stopped. He looked at the toy for a moment.

\- "That is a zebra, not a tiger." Mihawk smiled and adjusted his hands holding onto the toys. "Do you want to give zebra to Pappa?"

Zoro looked at him then at the zebra and handed it to him.

\- "Zebla." He huffed and Mihawk nodded back at him.

In the end Mihawk had a pile of animals on his lap and Zoro had three tiger toys, each varying size and accuracy. Zoro reached for Mihawks animals and took the zebra toy back.

\- "Zebla." He huffed again and placed it beside his tigers.  
\- "Does Pappa get all these other animals?"

Zoro nodded and looked at his tigers and a zebra. He took one in hand inspected it closer and set it down to take another animal. Mihawk did the same with his animals. Some of the animals were new and some were old ones from his son. He had liked the horse toys the best and the zebra had confused him just like it had confused Zoro.  
Playing with Zoro was relaxing and Mihawk loved it. Those were some of the best moments in his live. Playing with his son and now with his grandson.

\- "Happy birthday, Zoro."

Perona peaked from the door. Her eyes were half-lidded and she yawned. Her hair was a mess. She had passed her usual grooming and had gone straight to the two. She sat down next to them. Zoro showed her the toys he had.

\- "Tigel, tigel, tigel, zebla."  
\- "That's right." She smiled.

Zoro looked at the toy animals in Mihawks hands and reached for them. He started to give some to his mother. He took special care which one to give her, unlike with Mihawk. Only the prettiest toy animals would do. She soon had a horse, a deer and a couple of cows. Zoro reached for a bear toy, but was going to drop it back, when Perona reached out.

\- "No, no. Mommy likes bears."

Zoro looked at her surprised and lifted the bear toy.

\- "Beal?"  
\- "Yes, bear is Mommys favourite."

She reached out and Zoro dropped the bear in her hand. She thanked him for it and Zoro grinned happily. This game went on for awhile until Mihawk excused himself. He had to start on Zoros cake if they were going to eat it today. In the kitchen he realized that Perona had not have eaten anything yet. Of course she was an adult and could take care of herself, but still Mihawk found himself worrying for her well being constantly. His mind kept on making small parallels between her and his father, but he was quick to shake those thoughts away. Perona was strong. But a little bit of care wouldn't hurt.  
\- "Perona, have you eaten any breakfast?"  
\- "No, I haven't, but I'm not that hungry yet."

Good. Now he could start making the cake. He took three eggs and cracked them in a glass. Next he took flour and sugar and measured the same amount as there was egg into their own similar glasses. Sponge cake was so easy, delicious, quick and fun. Mihawk did love doing the most delicate and skill demanding dishes, but the most simplest recipes he found charming. They made him think of his childhood and how happy his father was receiving a warm meal after work. Loved the look on his face as he tasted and retched, but kept on eating.

\- "Potty training time." Perona hummed as she passed him carrying Zoro.

Mihawk looked after them. It was wonderful how she looked when she carried Zoro. Strong, warm, gentle and caring. Son would have been so proud of her. He would have talked his ears off the same way he had every time after Zoros birth. Even though it had just been phone calls, he had felt the warmth and love his son felt for Perona. The feelings had been so strong, it was hard to believe how insecure he had been of her. It was ironical that it had been him to leave her and not the other way around, even if it had been involuntary.

Mihawk hated how it had mostly been just a phone call for the past few years. There had been so much he had missed, just because he kept on taking the works which required going abroad. He kept on telling himself, that the money was good and he wanted to give all of it to son and his family. But what was the use of all the money he gathered to gift them, when he did not see the people using it. He would not have it happen again. Even if he was paid less now, he was happier than he had been in years.   
Such a selfish thing. To be happier when his son was dead.

Mihawk sighed and pushed the cake in the oven. He sat down and looked out the window. He kept on kidding himself. That this happiness was made to last. It was not. Already there was someone trying to reach for Perona. She said it hadn't been a date, but it still made him jealous and scared. Scared of loosing her sooner than what was pound to happen. Her feelings for his son would get pushed aside someday and then she would have no reason to stay with him. She wouldn't need his money, house, company or warmth. Just sometimes see him when it was convenient for her, so Zoro wouldn't loose a grandparent.

\- "Hmm, it's such a nice smell, isn't it Zoro?" Perona walked in.  
\- "Mmm." Zoro cheered as he followed her. "I pooped." He looked triumphant at Mihawk.  
\- "That's good."

Zoro hit Mihawks lap begging to be picked up. Of course he did and Zoro had a smug smile as he looked at Mommy starting to eat breakfast. Perona put some bread to roast and was gathering the toppings. She gave a cold-cut to Zoro and turned her attention to Mihawk.

\- "Is something troubling you?"  
\- "What makes you think so?"  
\- "You just look sad." The breads were ready and she picked them up.

Mihawk felt a bit surprised. It felt weird to have someone read himself as well as Perona did. Even Shanks -self-proclaimed to know him the best- wasn't as good in discerning the small changes in his face. It was scary even. He could not truly understand her anymore, but she could read him like an open book.  
He was slightly afraid she might dig too deep into him and see him for what he truly was.

\- "Definitely something is troubling you." She pressed as Mihawk had been silent a bit too long.  
\- "It's the spring flu. Makes my nose and eyes runny. Thoughts become a bit muddled as well."  
\- "Right." She started to munch on her sandwich.  
\- "You just don't know how it feels to have an allergy like this." Mihawk sighed.  
\- "If you don't want to talk just say it. I'm used to it anyway."  
\- "Used to what?"  
\- "You never tell me anything, that troubles you. We promised to share the burden. You're not off the hook just because I'm a bit more cheery."  
\- "Nothing is troubling me and I do tell you of things."  
\- "Yeah right."

There was really no convincing her.   
He would not tell her. There were things that she was better off not knowing. How could she ever become self-dependent and happy if she knew how desperately he was clinging to her and Zoro. It was best to ignore her pestering for now. Besides today was not about them after all.

\- "Are you excited for your cake Zoro?"  
\- "Cake?"  
\- "Yes, cake. Since it's your birthday, you deserve a cake." Mihawk pointed at the oven. "Can you see it's starting to rise up."  
\- "Cake!"  
\- "You shouldn't get him all excited yet. It's going to be hours before he gets to taste it and he might get a tantrum because you riled him up." Perona was clearly pissed off.  
\- "Well, he'll get his present before that." Mihawk snorted back at her.  
\- "Huuuh! Cake!" Zoro bounced excitedly on Mihawks lap.  
\- "I'm gonna go do my hair. It's on you if he gets a tantrum"

Perona huffed storming off. Mihawk sighed.

\----

Zoro quickly got bored of waiting for his cake and demanded for more play time. The sun had warmed everything up so it made sense to go play outside. Zoro ran and picked a ball. He kicked it and ran after it. Sometimes the ball happened to go towards Mihawk so he would kick it softly back to Zoro. Zoro wasn't any good at passing the ball, but he liked to kick and throw it a lot.

Perona came outside carrying a tray of juice. Zoro dashed to her and she gave him his sippy cup. Mihawk came too and sat down on the swing. Zoro tried climbing up but he was still a bit too short so Perona helped him. He drank from his cup and grinned happily sitting next to Mihawk. Perona picked her phone and took a picture. She sat next to them and took a selfie with all of them in it. She then shared the pictures to Mihawk.

\- "I think it would be nice to go to the park." Perona stated.  
\- "You have something special planned up?"  
\- "No, just us three. I don't really think Zoro cares for big parties yet."  
\- "Probably." He chucled lightly. "Talking of big parties, did you know Hancocks coming to town next week?"

Perona chuckled. Hancock sure was a show whenever she decided to visit.

\- "Yes, she told me. It's the whole family apparently."

Zoro sat up and gave his cup back to Perona. He went to play some more.

\- "The cake should have cooled by now. It's probably best if we go after eating it."  
\- "I dunno, there's Zoros nap-time and after that it might be too dark to go."  
\- "We'll see then."

They both got up and called to Zoro. He would get to help them decorate the cake.

\----

Zoro looked in awe at the cake they had made for him. It looked messy with nonpareils and other decorations strewn all over the chocolate icing with two candles on top. They sang happy birthday to him and after clapping, Perona blew the candles for him. Mihawk cut up the cake and Zoro squealed delighted. Between layers of whip cream and jelly he could see the sponge having stripes like that of a tiger. Mihawk had added chocolate in part of the dough to have it go into stripes.

Zoro quickly forgot about his spoon as he devoured his piece of cake. Mihawk took pictures and chuckled delighted as the boy made a mess of himself.

\- "We'll have to clean him up before his gift."  
\- "I don't know what I was expecting." Perona sighed defeated. She didn't expect Zoro to ditch the spoon he always fought so hard for.  
\- "I can do it if you don't want to."

Perona looked at Mihawk. She never really thought about it, but Mihawk was so active in taking care of Zoro. It made her happy. Having him near made her happy.

\- "Even if you're so stubborn I really do like you a lot." She looked at him lovingly.  
\- "I offered to wash Zoro and you're saying such a thing." Mihawk was incredulous, but it felt so good when she looked at him like that. He couldn't help but look back at her with the same amount of love.  
\- "I mean it. You're important to us." She looked away from him slightly blushing.  
\- "You really must hate giving Zoro a bath." He chuckled.

When Zoro was ready Mihawk took him to be cleaned up. Perona stayed behind to clean up the table. Mihawk slightly turned to look at her. And as he did so did she and their eyes met. They both quickly looked away. Mihawk felt a warm blush rising on his cheeks.

\----

Zoro was playing around with a new tiger blush, a friend to the one Ace had gotten him. He was so happy and ran around giggling.

\- "Sometimes it's best to go with the old favorites." Perona chuckled.

Mihawk couldn't agree more. They sat on the sofa and watched Zoro play.

\- "It's almost a year now." Perona said quietly.  
\- "Hmm." Mihawk hummed slightly.

Perona turned to look at him. He noticed the look of wonder on her face, so he nonchalantly asked:

\- "Is there something on me?"  
\- "Oh, no, not at all." She shook her head, but then pursed her lips as she kept on looking at him. "Are you religious?"

The question came so out of the blue he just stared at her with his mouth open.

\- "Your necklace." She pointed towards his neck. "You just sometimes fiddle with it and it's a cross so I just thought..."

Mihawk realized that he had unconsciously started to fiddle with the cross on his neck. He hadn't even known he did it often enough for her to notice.

\- "I mean you don't really feel like a religious person to me. Does it hold some personal value?"

Mihawk was starting to panic. What should he say? Lie to her that it meant nothing. Lie that he was religious in the way she meant. Or tell the truth and risk everything.

\- "It's my christening cross. It just brings me comfort even if I'm not very religious. I was when I was younger, but not anymore. Too many bad things happened."

He settled on the partial truth. She didn't need to know everything.

\- "Like the scar on your side?" Her eyes went there quickly.

Another uncomfortable question, but he could not answer that one. The memory had been so painful. Luckily Zoro jumped on the sofa and settled between them. He took hold of both their arms.

\- "Watch TV." He hummed and closed his eyes content.  
\- "Alright."

Perona picked the controller and opened Netflix to look for a movie they could watch.

Halfway through it Zoro fell asleep. The day had passed so quickly. Mihawk reached his arm and put it over Peronas shoulder. He pulled her closer careful not to have Zoro wake up. She looked at him surprised. Such sudden show of affection was unusual.

\- "What are you doing?" She inched closer.

Mihawk looked at her and his gaze was so loving and warm, his eyes nearly sparkled. Perona looked away flustered. She carefully picked Zoro up on her lap and moved even closer to Mihawk. He wrapped both his arms around them and pressed his cheek against her head closing his eyes.

He loved them so much and felt like his heart might explode from not being able to tell them. Saying that he loved them, felt like an invisible barrier. Once crossed he would not be able to let go and eventually he would have to. So instead of saying it, he had settled onto a hug.   
But Perona understood, or at least he felt like she did even if she didn't say anything. She caressed his back gently while she pressed against him. Once settled, she sighed long and content, like she was at the world's most comfortable place.

At a place where she belonged


	22. Resolution for a mother

The feeling you get the first time you hold your child, it's something indescribable, or so people say. Indescribable joy, love, warmth. All kinds of emotions. Positive mostly.

Hancock is a mother. It's her past she tried to run away from and it's part of her future, though her past doesn't come up as often anymore. Even when some reporter does bring it up, she's learned to deal with it amicably. It wasn't so in the past, as she had been consumed by her own bitterness and anger, something she isn't proud of. As easy as it would be to explain everything with her depression, she knows it's not the whole truth, just as solely blaming Mihawk wasn't either. She does her best to correct her past error in new interviews, though no-one really cares about her ex-husband anymore. Now-a-days people concentrate on Ace and Dragon, because they are relevant, but she does her best to keep them out of the spotlight.

Part of her feels blessed that she looks so alike to Ace, yet isn't related by blood, so people think she truly is his mother. If they ask those questions many mother hear countless times, she can just avoid answering by telling them he's her stepson. Her wonderful son she loves with all her heart even if they've been a family so little time. The way she thinks about Ace makes her stop sometimes and think about her son with Mihawk. She thinks of how everything could have been so much different, had she sought out help earlier, if everything had been normal.  
But it wasn't normal, and she knows it can never be.

So when people ask her how she felt first time holding her child, it's not Ace who rises in her mind, but her son. So she answers that it was indescribable and they just assume she was happy, though she knows very well what she felt that day all those years ago.

But it's not socially acceptable to say it was mostly negative.

\----

The air feels still in the hot room. A fan slowly spins as her head spins from exhaustion. People around her speak hurriedly, but she cannot hear them or see what they're doing. She wants a glass of water as sweat runs down her forehead. She tries to ask a nurse for some, but no words come out. Why did she have them drive her husband out, he would be giving her a glass of water without asking. He would be so happy for her having completed her duty, he would do anything for her. Anything-

Her thoughts are interrupted, by the room being filled with a deafening wailing and sighs of relief. She doesn't understand what is so good about the awful noise, her child doesn't sound like that.

She swallows when a nurse comes to her carefully holding the source of noise on her arms. She congratulates her and passes the screaming thing to her. Little bit curious she takes a look at the creature given to her and she wants to scream.

This thing is not what was inside her. This is not the long waited beautiful child that would fix everything. She wants her real baby, not this red and purple thing first screaming and now gnawing on her breast. Just holding it is making her insides turn and it makes her nauseous.

She starts to cry and finally her husband is allowed in. He dashes over to her and the thing. She trusts him to know for sure, that this is not their child and to take action to find where they've hidden the real one. But the way he looks at the creature, she can see a sparkle in his eyes. The same sparkle, that led her to keep the child in the first place. It was his look of love she has wanted for herself for so long. While he looks at the lump of flesh in her arms, at times he glances at her and she feels that some of that love might be directed at her after all. She was certain of it, when he softly caressed her hand, smiling the happiest smile he had, and thanked her, before pressing a careful soft kiss on her cheek.

But as the lump of flesh grew and started to walk and talk, the more obvious it was that the sparkle was never directed at her. Only at the being, that was not really their child. Or maybe something so disgusting could only be born of a love so twisted.

She grew jealous to it. How could he love this thing and not her? Why would his eyes only sparkle at her when she was with the creature? Why would he got so angry, when she rejected the imposter and only forgive her if she cuddled with it again.  
Everything was supposed to get better, so why was it all worse now instead?

\----

Alerted by the doorbell, Perona opened the out door to see an unknown yet familiar woman. It took her a moment to realize, that it was Hancock. Her silky smooth hair was on two braids. They hung over an old jersey and a t-shirt with odd print of pineapple and snakes. She wore tight high-waist jeans and sneakers. She had a baseball cap and absolutely no make-up on. This woman was not the empress Perona had met several times who secretly came to visit and hid in obscurity. This was just Hancock. Her outer look was so different, she could walk freely and no-one knew any better.

\- "You look so different I couldn't recognize you." Perona sighed in awe.  
\- "I would dress like this more often, if I did not hate being without my glamour."

Of course her posture and personality were the same, those could not be changed.

Hancock, Ace and Dragon had come to town for a longer visit and were picking up Zoro and Perona to go play at an local park. Mihawk was unfortunately at work, but Hancock seemed to be relieved to hear it.

\- "Did you not want to see him? I thought-"  
\- "Of course I did, it's just I wanted to spend more time with you and he's a huge distraction."  
\- "A distraction?" Perona chuckled. Mihawk hardly spoke a lot when they came to visit.  
\- "Seeing him makes me feel like back when we started our relationship." She mumbled looking down at the ground.

Hancock was ashamed. It was hard for her to admit, that Mihawk was and still is the most attractive man she's ever met. Even harder when the man she was married to nonchalantly just shrugged off her comment. It hurt, that he knew and just accepted being being inferior.

After a bit of walking and asking Hancock how her work was going, they were at the park. Zoro and Ace sprung into action and Dragon followed them making sure that they wouldn't hurt themselves since Zoro was rather clumsy and was better at following instructions from an adult than from Ace. Perona and Hancock sat at a nearby bench and looked as the trio went to try out the swings. It was funny how such a scary looking man was adored by the two kids and how he joined their silly games not feeling ashamed at all. They seemed to have so much fun, a third child joined their group.

\- "So you and Dragon." Perona hummed to Hancock. "Why him?"  
\- "What do you mean?"  
\- "You're a beauty and he looks like a delinquent. Quite a mismatch."  
\- "Ah well," Hancock blushed slightly. "We used to go to the same school as kids and he just became a good friend to me. He's been there for me throughout the years."  
\- "Even when-"  
\- "Yes, he was at the wedding and supported me through the divorce. He wasn't judgmental and actually listened to what I had to say. Back then if I got angry I started to scream, because I had grown used to do so, but he just waited patiently and then asked me to breathe for a moment and then explain it to him again."  
\- "I guess he's the person who made you think about therapy?"  
\- "Dragon did suggest it to me, but he didn't try to force me. He knows how to handle me."  
\- "Eh? So why didn't you two get together earlier?"  
\- "Because I'm a very shallow person and back then I was all about looks." Hancock laughed dryly. "I'm better now but it's a continuous struggle to be a good person. And he was a delinquent back then, but straightened out his act."

Hancock looked at Dragon thoughtfully and then continued.

\- "But the biggest thing was, that I've never had that spark with him. Our relationship has always been compassionate and caring, but it doesn't have the passion I had with Mihawk."  
\- "Eh? The sex is not good?" Perona sneered and Hancock blushed deep red.  
\- "Rude! The sex is very good, thank you very much. No, what I mean is that there's nothing that draws me in with Dragon, but our relationship is so much better and balanced than the one I had with Mihawk. Many times I find myself thinking, that I rushed to Mihawk and fell in love with what I thought he was and not for the actual person. In the end I didn't really know anything about him. I don't know of his childhood, what's his favourite colour or food. Nothing. It's unbelievable, isn't it? We were together a bit over seven years and didn't know each other. But I know Dragon and he knows me. We don't scream fight and we support each other... He's my best friend."  
\- "I know how that feels. My husband was my best friend as well." Perona looked out in the distance reminiscing how close they had been.  
\- "Perona, I consider you as a real friend to me. I don't have many people I can say that about. Many are scared of me or just tolerate me to get onward with their careers. You're one of the few people who hasn't been afraid of me. It surprised me back then when we first met."

Perona looked at her a bit surprised and laughed.

\- "I was terrified back then. I would have run if it wasn't the only chance to get to know you." Then she smiled warmly. "I'm so glad I got to know you. You're my friend too, Hancock. You can come to me with anything and I'll listen."  
\- "Ah." Hancock looked delighted and bashfully looked at the children now playing with a ball. "We are actually thinking of buying a house nearby. To settle down. Ace never liked the constant traveling and it would be nice to be near you and Zoro. I still have to be away, but this time it's different. I actually miss them a lot, when I have to be apart from them. I miss you too."  
\- "I think that would be wonderful Hancock. I'm sure Zoro will be thrilled to know that he has a playmate and his granny living so close by."  
\- "Granny makes me sound so old. Please use something else."  
\- "Alright, Mamma." Perona snickered.  
\- "It's still bad." Hancock looked irked.

Just then Dragon came by the bench and drank some water. He gave a bottle to Ace who had followed him and Zoro went to Perona who gave him his bottle of milk. After drinking Ace wiped his mouth at the back of his hand which Zoro tried to emulate, but couldn't quite do it. Instead he accidentally punched his own nose.

Ace said something to Hancock in Portugal. He put emphasis on a word "bruxa" which seemed to make Hancock grimace. She chastised him, but rose up to join their play. They rushed back to play with the ball, the third kid was still hanging with them. As Perona was going to stand up and go play too, Dragon looked at her like he wanted to say something. But he and Perona weren't as well acquainted with each other, so he was being somewhat shy. So she took the lead.

\- "Who is the kid playing with you?" It was troubling her a bit that she couldn't see his parents anywhere.  
\- "His name is Sabo. He says he lives nearby. Seems to like Ace a lot."  
\- "Maybe you'll get to see him more if you move here."  
\- "Hancock told you?" He seemed somewhat relieved.  
Perona nodded.  
\- "We've been thinking about it for awhile now. Seems like a good moment to settle down and this city has pretty much anything one could need."  
\- "This is a great place. I love it here." Though many places felt painful at times with the memories of her husband.  
\- "You know Perona. I'm really thankful to you."  
\- "Eh? I haven't really done much."  
\- "You've done more than you think. The meeting with you changed something in Hancock. I feel that she's more close to finding a resolution in her life now."  
\- "Hancock did just tell me she considers me her friend."  
\- "She did? Amazing. You're also her hero."  
\- "What!? Hero!?" Some one special like Hancock considering her as her hero felt absurd.  
\- "Every time after you two meet, she writes down things you said or did. She thinks you're the perfect mother and she tries her best to be like you with Ace, though he is a bit of a rascal compared to Zoro."  
\- "I feel honored."  
\- "Don't tell her I told you. She'd just deny it and get angry at me. She can be so very proud."  
\- "Don't worry, my lips are sealed."

Hancock returned back and looked somewhat exhausted.

\- "Did we bring any sand toys? The boys are going to try making a castle."  
\- "I'll take them to them." Dragon chuckled and left.

Hancock looked happy, but then uncertain.

\- "There's this other thing we have been thinking of. It's a very scary thing and I don't know if I'm ready." She sat back down.  
\- "What's scaring you about it?" Perona didn't ask what the thing was. Something about her way of speaking signaled, that Hancock did not want to say it out loud.  
\- "The feeling that I'm not worthy. I still can't say I love him."  
\- "Who do you mean? Dragon?"  
\- "Ah, no. My son. Someone who I gave birth to and I just... can't. It doesn't mean that I don't love Zoro. I love him to pieces and Ace too, but I can't say it about him and I want to, but it still feels wrong. I don't think I can do this thing without loving him. If I don't love him then how can I ever..." She ended the sentence with a sigh.

Hancock seemed flustered. Her words were uncertain and she really wanted Perona to understand, but she just couldn't find the right way to explain.  
Perona pondered for a moment watching as the children played.

\- "I think it's impossible to love him the same way you love Ace or Zoro."  
\- "But I want to. I need to. It's what he deserved."  
\- "It's not something you can do anymore. That would require you to spend time with him, rebuild your relationship and you know it's impossible now."  
\- "But if I don't then I can never- uh- I can't-"  
\- "Hancock, the only one you really need to love right now is yourself. He is gone now and I don't think he really cares if you love him or not. He had admitted to himself that you would not come back, so there's no need to torture yourself over it."  
\- "It's hard."  
\- "I know, but it's okay for you to let go of that guilt. I want you to live life to the fullest. Love yourself and your family and no more regrets. Do this 'thing' with Dragon. You clearly want to and are just trying to find excuses, because you fear you might fail. You messed up once, but learned from it and grew as a person. It's okay for you to look forward to things in life."

Hancock sobbed and went through her handbag. She took a tissue and wiped her tears and blew her nose. She then took another one and handed it to Perona.

\- "Same applies to you, Perona."  
\- "I do look-"

Mid sentense she broke into tears. She had realized, that she actually hadn't looked forward to anything. Not Zoro's growth, not the small trips, nothing. By far it had all been a haze of doing. Just doing something and try being happy. Try convince yourself you've moved on, when you really hadn't. But maybe it truly was the time to start living again. Fully.

She hugged Hancock and she held her back.

\- "No Zoro you idiot! Ouch!"

They quickly turned to look at what had happened. Dragon and Sabo looked dumbfounded, Ace was holing his head and Zoro dropped his small shovel and then dashed straight to the mothers. Big tears fell on his cheeks as he hugged Peronas feet. She slightly petted his back and tried to ask from him why he had hit Ace. Ace pouted and stayed where he was. Hancock went to him and asked what had happened.

\- "I was just trying to teach Zoro how to make cakes, but he's so stupid," Perona could feel Zoro flinch, "that he won't get it. Then he just hit me for no reason. I wasn't even rough with him."

Dragon nodded as a verification, that Ace told the truth.

\- "It's okay I understand." Perona petted Zoros head. "Ace have you thought, that calling Zoro stupid, hurts his feelings?"  
\- "Huh, what? He's an idiot baby. He doesn't get it yet."  
\- "Ace." Hancocks voice was dire.

Ace shivered and groveled to Zoro. He looked down on the ground and kicked it.

\- "I'm sorry, Zoro."

Zoro turned a bit and looked ashamed. He nodded quietly as an answer to him. He turned to bury his face back at Peronas feet.

\- "I think we should go home now. Ace, please help Dragon pick up the toys."

Ace rushed back to the sandpit to pick any toys they had brought. Hancock looked at Perona who had now picked Zoro onto her lap. He held tightly onto her, hiding his face the best he could.

\- "Can you please go visit the grave with me?" Hancock fidgeted slightly.  
\- "Isn't that something you should rather do with Mihawk?"  
\- "Ah, no. There's a thing..." Hancock shook her head. "He wouldn't understand. Please Perona."  
\- "Well, it's been awhile since I've last been there anyway, so alright."

\----

Mihawk and Dragon stayed at home with the kids. Hancock didn't really want any of them at the cemetery, so Perona had been the one to drive them there. Hancock was holding a lush and big bouquet. She waited for Perona to get off the car before holding her hand out to her, shyly looking away. Perona took it and squeezed it while smiling warmly.

\- "It's going to be okay. I'll give him a good talking if he causes any trouble."

Hankcok smiled slightly, but got serious again. They started walking towards the grave and Perona could feel her hand shaking.

\- "Is it your first time here?"

Hancock bit her lip and shook her head. Her whole body started to tremble.

\- "I've been here a couple of times, but," She squeezed her eyes shut, "I've never had the courage to go all the way."

Perona hugged her warmly and when the older woman stopped her shaking, she released her hold.

\- "Shall we continue?"

Hancock smiled softly. She looked scared and fragile, but knew that Perona would bring her strength. There was something special about her.

It was warm and sunny. The aspens were just opening their leaves and looked soft green. It was serene there as always. The granite of his head stone was not as shiny and clean as before and the feeling of emptiness was still there. Perona wanted to clutch her chest, but she kept it to herself. They stood before the grave and Hancock quickly placed her flowers on it, as if she was scared something might grab her. She held her hands near her mouth like she was praying, but looked nervous. She side glanced at Perona who had calmly closed her eyes and had a slight smile on her face, an effort to calm Hancock down.

\- "Uhm, I want to say a thing and my therapists said it would be good to say out loud, to make it feel more real. Ah, erm... Make it a possibility. "  
She stuttered slightly and kept eyeing Perona who turned her head to look at her.  
\- "Do you want me to move a bit further so I won't hear?"  
\- "What, NO!" She gasped as pale as a sheet. "I mean, I need you. Just it feels stupid."

Perona looked at Hancock and took her hand and held it tightly.

\- "Then we'll just be a little goofy together." She took a deep breath in. "Hey hubby, it's been a while. I hope you're not cheating me with some voluptuous ghost lady over there."

Hancock was aghast, but Perona kept going.

\- "Zoro is fine. You know, he just had his second birthday. Yeah you've been gone nearly a year now. Anyways I'm here with your mother. She's not as bad person as you've led me to think and maybe when you two finally meet again she can tell you everything and you can forgive her fully. I should probably let her speak, you know how I can babble on and on."

Perona grinned at Hancock who was slightly smiling as well. She looked at the tombstone and then at the flowers.

\- "I came here to apologize for everything. I'm sorry I couldn't be a the mother you needed and deserved. I'm sorry I got so jealous to you, when I should have loved you. Your father was never really meant to love me, but I'm glad now that he loved you so much. Things went bad then and I will always carry that shame with me."

Tears dropped down her cheeks and Perona gave her a tissue and she blew her nose. She felt slightly awkward showing such vulnerable side to Perona, but she looked at her encouragingly.

\- "I hope that someday you can forgive me and I forgive myself. A lot has changed, during the time we have not seen each other. I've found a man who loves me back as much as I love him and he has a son. It was hard for me at first to try identify as a second mother to him and he certainly didn't make it easy. It's a work in progress since his real mother is still very much around. Sometimes he calls me a hag which I sort of deserve. But I love him very much, and I love my husband as well. They've helped me to become better."

She took few deep breaths and squeezed Peronas hand as if to make sure she was still there. She kneeled and touched the red granite stone.

\- "I- I'm sorry for having been such a coward. I should have contacted you personally. Called, anything. I just kept on stupidly writing those letters, wishing for a miracle, that somehow you or someone else would choose to read to my letter. If I had had the strength, things could be so different now. I lost my chance to have a family with you and your father, and I'll regret that the rest of my life. But I don't want any more regret in my life." 

Again Hancock took a deep breath, but now she let go of Perona. This last thing was something she would say completely with her own strength.

\- "I was a mother. I am a mother and I am going to be a mother. Me and my husband, we're going to try and have a baby. Together we'll make sure, that what happened between us, will not happen again. I'll make sure they'll get the same amount of love you deserved to have and even more. We'll come visit again, the whole family, I promise."

Hancock wiped a few tears away and stood up. Perona smiled as she saw a determined look on her face.

\- "I think I'm ready now. To move forward and give myself a chance."

Perona glomped the woman and squeezed her tightly. Hancock was a bit surprised at first, but then wrapped her arms around her into a tight embrace. Perona sniveled and giggled. She gave a warm loving smile to Hancock.

\- "Thank you Perona. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."

She kept on repeating it and Perona held her warmly as she felt warm tears fall on her shoulder.

When both of them had calmed down Perona had them run back to the car. It felt stupid considering they were at a grave yard, but had they not just done some awkward things earlier, so it didn't matter. Life felt worth while living and she was looking forward seeing the little sister or brother of her husband's.

\----

Dragon, Mihawk, Ace and Zoro were on the front yard waiting for them. Zoro slept on Mihawks arms and Ace and Dragon were throwing a ball together. They stopped what they were doing when Perona drove to the yard. Hancock quickly rushed out. She glomped Dragon and pressed several kisses on his mouth and face and chin. He was smiling warmly at her and she clung to his neck while he held her by the waist. Ace had covered his eyes and was retching. Mihawk was looking at the pair happily. He was glad that finally Hancock had gotten what she had wanted so bad, someone who loved her for who she was and with all his heart.

\- "I love you Dragon. You're my best friend and there's no one else I would rather spend the rest of my life with."  
\- "I see everything went well then?"  
\- "More than well. I'm so thankful to Perona."  
\- "I am too."

They looked at her with gratitude.

\- "You guys. Stop. This is embarrassing."

Perona was blushing deep red and held her cheeks. Mihawk chuckled and Zoro woke up yawning. He saw his mother and stretched his hands towards her smiling sleepily. She took him from Mihawk who then looked at Ace.

\- "Since Zoro has had his nap I think he'll be up pretty late. Would you like to be here for the night, Ace?"  
\- "Can I?" Ace's eyes beamed. He had never night visited anyone. Hancock always says he's too small, but right now she and Dragon smiled at him and nodded approvingly.

After giving him hugs and kisses Dragon and Hancock left while giggling like two teenagers off to no good. The others went back inside and as Perona played with Zoro and Ace, Mihawk prepared dinner for them. After eating they gathered pillows, sheets and stools to build a fortress where they would sleep. They ate a bit of cookies and warm milk in their fortress and when it was dark enough Mihawk took the kids against his sides and started to ready a story for them. Perona shut the lights so that only a small lamp illuminated the inside of their tent. She looked at them from the outside as she did not fit in. She enjoyed Mihawks deep voice and chuckled when he made some characters have funny voices. Her husband had been the same with Zoro and she remembered him fondly.

Once the children were asleep, Mihawk crawled out of the tent leaving their lamp on. He sat at the kitchen with Perona.

\- "Did Dragon tell you?" She had made tea and poured Mihawk a cup.  
\- "Not straight, but he did hint at something like they would need privacy."  
\- "They're going to try for a baby." Perona childishly giggled and blushed at the thought of those two most likely having sex as they spoke.  
\- "Really?" He looked surprised, but then slightly bitter. "I guess she's still the age."  
\- "You're not that old yet either." Perona chuckled, but Mihawks face had darkened and he looked at his cup sadly.  
\- "I don't understand why she wants to do it again," he sighed deeply. "I could never re-live that pain."

Perona understood why Hancock had not wanted him there. Of course it should have been obvious from the start, but the way Mihawk seemed to enjoy Zoros and Aces company, she never really thought he would not like more kids. She didn't even understand what had led her to think he would. Surely by now he would have if he had wanted to.

\- "I'm sorry." Perona whispered.  
\- "Hmm?"  
\- "It was a pretty thoughtless remark."  
\- "I probably would have earlier, there just never was the right person after Hancock."

And he quickly glanced at Perona. He did it discreetly, but she still saw him do it. A warm soft sorrowful look:

"If only it had been me that met you."

She looked away. Why did she keep on thinking like this? That these weird warm glances he gave her were some sign of romantic interest. It could be anything. Just him making eye contact during conversation, like normal people. But they felt so secretive, like he was ashamed of giving her them. She didn't know why she just didn't confront him about it. What was she scared of? That he would hate her? That she would break this friendship they have with false accusations? Was it because of those fleeting moments when he made her heart flutter? Because unknowingly she too was giving him such warm glances?

\- "Did you ever- The two of you-" Mihawk started carefully, but was hesitant on how to phrase his question. "Did you two talk of having another?"  
\- "I- We didn't. He did joke of having several, but we never seriously talked of it. We just wanted to be with Zoro..." Perona covered her mouth as she felt her throat start to burn. "I think I'm going to cry."  
\- "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that."  
\- "No it's alright. It's better to talk of him like this. It desensitizes."  
\- "Hmm. It helps. Feels like it's been so long ago, but the hurt just doesn't seem to go away."  
\- "Well, it hasn't even been a year yet."  
\- "You're right. It's close though." Mihawk rubbed his beard and looked thoughtful. "Do you think we should have something planned for that date or near it."  
\- "Planned?"  
\- "Just get the family together. Close friends. Visit his grave and just have a picnic or something."  
\- "Wait. You want to organize a family event?"

Mihawk seemed to blush slightly.

\- "Is it so bad?"  
\- "It's a great idea. Why wallow in grief when you can have it be a joyous event." She grinned, but looked away bit shyly. "You have to admit you're the last person to suggest something like this."  
\- "Maybe you've just been a positive influence on me." He smiled and for a moment the way he looked at her felt extremely warm.

Another one of those damn glances. He was driving her crazy.

She rose up and and snuck to get herself a blanket and a pillow, so she could sleep on Mihawks chair as the sofa was a part of the fort She wanted to be near if either of the kids woke up. Just as she was by the living room door, Mihawk stopped her.

\- "Good night, Perona." And he petted the top of her head.

She nodded and when he was gone, she placed her hand on the spot he had touched and smiled warmly.


End file.
